Raise your hand and speak up Now go stand in the hallway
by whatamidoing765
Summary: I'm bored. Here's what's gonna go down. You. Ask. A character on anything, even advice. Daring is ok. So...that's it! Ask a character in the form of a review, and Takasugi here will pull them out the portal and set them here even it means to duct tape them to a chair. Here's Yorozuya Smile Sima Yi as my cover, enjoy that. Complete
1. Announcement

**Takasugi walks onto a stage and speaks through a microphone. "Ahem. Ok. I have something you girls and possibly guys will enjoy. I have decided to have an advice column with you asking any of the DW guys and girls. And you can ask them about miscellaneous things too. Submit your question towards a character in a review and I'll grab that person to stand on this stage to answer it. Wait, that's too much work. I'll make them use Skype." Izuru talks from behind a curtain. "They don't know how to even use Skype." **

**"Phht. They're Asian. They can figure it out."**

**"The fans prefer the physical appearance of the characters."**

**"Fine...Let me grab the portal." He goes off-stage for a moment and drags a large contraption onto it. "There, they can get in and out of here. Happy?"**

**"Don't ask me, ask the fans." Takasugi then continues. "Please submit in English, because I can't read other languages. And Google Translate is a piece of junk. Furthermore, you can MAYBE get a dare out here. It just depends, but you can try. Please do not submit vulgar questions. Actually, I changed my mind. You can put dares. Just don't go too far with them. (Though I would probably love to see what these guys can come with...) Ok, you don't want me to keep on talking so-" The portal next to him comes to life and a voices are heard. "HEY! You did not run this by us!" **

**"I don't need to. Technically, I'm the superior and you guys are inferior."**

**"Oh no! I'm NOT doing this again!"**

**"Oh yes, Yi. It will be so much fun watching you suffer in embarrassment." Takasugi grows devil horns and a tail and laughs maniacally. "Hahahaah..." More voices are heard through the portal. "I demand you to cancel this!"**

**"The fandom is crazy! They'll...ugh I don't want to think about it..." **

**"They are impure! They must be purged from this world!"**

**"No, Zhang Jiao. That's genocide. And I already sent this announcement out. It's hit the servers just like that."**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**"Hahaha...this will be fun..."**


	2. DW characters are awful with advice

**Takasugi runs up to the portal. "OK! We already got our questions! Get out here, guys and girls!" The portal remains still. "Oh, come on! I have a meatbun here." He gets a meatbun and attaches it on a stick and string thing. "Come on...meatbun..." **

**"I've already swore off meatbuns."**

**"Shi, no. We all know that is a lie." (Even though you got weened off them...) "And these questions are not even dares. (Well, some...) They want actual advice." After ten minutes, the cast is on the stage. "Ok, now we can start. First question." **

**From Inao45:**

_**I have a question for Xingcai: How should I put up with my younger brother?**_

**Xing Cai speaks out, "Well...I wouldn't know since Zhang Bao is my older brother. But I can tell it has similar experiences. This is what you do:" She gets Zhang Bao and hits him in the stomach. "OW! Why...?" He falls. **

**"There. He can't do anything reckless if he is injured already." Takasugi then yells out, "The questionee can't do that! That's abuse! What if he is a little kid?" Sima Shi then says,"I know exactly the thing to deal with pesky little siblings." He grabs Sima Zhao and tosses him off the stage. "Ah! Ow! Why'd you do that?" **

**"See?"**

**"That is not an option either! And you're not answering the question! It says "TO PUT UP!" **

**"Oh...I don't."**

**"What?"**

**"Just cancel Zhang Bao out. Then when he needs help, I'll run over there."**

**"I cancel Zhao out."**

**"Um...Moving on..." He takes out a paper. **

**From Ryujin Mei:**

_**Wen Yang! Marry me!**_

**"Ok-Why is this girl sticking a M4 Carbine to the side of my head...? Wen Yang, little help?"**

**"Um...I don't know..."**

**"Well...what kind of wedding do you want? Traditional, Hebrew, Buddhist, Japanese, Chinese or you standing in line to a legal marriage license to marry a man made of pixels and is a corpse?" Izuru pops out from a curtain,"That last part was not necessary."**

**"I was just being honest. He is over 2000 years old, that is just creepy as with Bella and Edward getting married. And he's only about a hundred." He gasps. "That should be a new book hormone-raging fangirls and lonely moms can obsess over! Guy from 2000 years ago travels into the future and then falls in love with a sixteen year-old girl. That will sell like hotcakes! More than that Twilight crap!" His eyes shine as he writes on a notepad. **

**"You're getting off-topic..."**

**"Oh, sorry. Wen Yang, do you take this possibly-psychopathic women to be your lawful-wedded wife?" **

**"I did not say yes..."**

**"Then speak up! You're a giant with a timid voice. Screw it. You're married. Happy New Year. Where's the champagne?" **

**"What?"**

**"Bye. Next question from the same girl."**

_**Sima Yi, because he is sooo smart...Any advice on coping with a serious laziness (and procrastination) problem?**_

**"Ha...she mocked you, Yi..."**

**"Why you naive brat!" **

**"Answer that question, Mr. "I'm so smart."**

***sighs* "Fine...here's how:" Sima Yi picks up the just-got-onto-the-stage-Sima Zhao and throws him out the window. "Ah Ow! Why me?!" **

**"There. Problem solved."**

**"That's child abuse-no, he's a grown man- assault and domestic abuse! That didn't answer the question!"**

**"The woman said coping. That is how I cope with laziness. Zhao is the personification of laziness."**

**"You can't simply throw someone out if you don't want or like them!****...You people are awful at giving advice...Ok...Another one."**

_**Guo Jia, any advice on maintaining harems?**_

**Guo Jia takes out a magnet. "Be a chick magnet." *Rimshot* He casually walks to Wang Yi like if she were getting attracted to the magnet. She then takes the magnet and throws it at his eye. "Ow!" **

**"Ah-ha...I get it...But seriously, what is it?"**** Guo Jia sits in a table with a suit with Wang Yi and Cai Wenji on both sides. He has a bottle of beer next to him.**

**I don't always maintain harems**

**But when I do, I make sure to leave with all of them, saying the bill has been paid even though I left it to Jia Xiu and Sima Yi. **

**"So, that's why that bartender had to come over to my home..."****  
**

**"Oh...I thought Sima Yi was at the bar with you two. How did you even leave it to him?"**

**"Took his address and credit card."**

**"How in the world does he have a credit card?! Let me see!" He takes the card from Guo Jia and looks at it. "Hey! This is mine! Why does Yi have it?!"**

**"I found it..."**

**"When?"**

**"It was...um..."**

**"You pickpocketed me?" **

**"Well, no...but it's a long story..." Sima Yi pulls down a chart and it shows people and lines connecting each other. He takes out a pointer. "Here is how it started, you were at Wu when the vulgar me was destroying it with a "tank" you called it. Obviously, your wallet will fall out during the commotion. After all that nonsense was over, the Wu strategist picked up." He points at a picture of Zhou Yu. "Then he was out drinking and dropped it. This man picked up." He points at a picture of Sun Ce. "He was out into battle, then he got attacked. The thing dropped, and was eventually found by an old man. He then gave it to one of his students." He points to Zhuge Liang's picture. "The student had no use for it, thus giving it to the drunkard." He points to Pang Tong's picture. "He threw it out, and it was found by Zhao Yun. During Changban, he was riding his horse and the Wei soldiers went after him. He had the baby, and the thing fell out. Xiahou Dun picked up and gave it to Cao Cao. He then gave it to Dian Wei. He then gave it to Xu Chu, then he gave it to Zhang He. He gave it to Zhen Ji. She gave it to Cao Pi. He then gave it to Cao Rui. After he died, Cao Shuang took it. Then after the coup de'tat that I staged, Shi found it on his dead body and took that. Zhao took it from him along with a meatbun. And Yuanji got hold of it. Then she gave it to Chunhua, then she gave it to me. And that is how that card of yours got to me." Takasugi stared at him with a weirded-out face. "...This is maybe a bad game of pass-along...or that my credit card went through sixty years of Chinese history...And how do you know all the places it went...?" **

**"Oh...I might have to explain backwards..."**

**"Ok! I'm surprised it was still in good condition. Glad I chose platinum for the card. Well...next question..."**

**From awesomeness:**

I have a question for Lu Bu: I now your not scared of anything, but would you be scared

if Diao Chan left you for someone,... let's say "STRONGER" than you or "SMARTER" than you  
or maybe someone who is more... "HANDSOME" than you. I mean this could be Diao Chan's thoughts.

**Lu Bu goes over to Diao Chan. "Diao Chan, is that what you are thinking?"**

**"No, I would never do that to you!"(Maybe...) Lu Bu runs up to the screen. "You pathetic piece of s***! How dare you question her! I oughta come over there and force my Sky Piercer up your ass! Besides, there are none to challenge me!"**

**"Hmm...Go up against Sosuke Aizen, Gintoki Sakata, or Son Goku. Who else...? Yeah, just go with either one of them. Oh, Kenshiro and Doremon." Izuru yells out,"Aizen's immortal! How can he-?"**

**"A HUMAN DEFEATED HIM. If he can do it, Lu Bu can. But we might need to stay below supernatural. Gintoki is strong for a human, so you can try your way with him." **

**"Where is he?"**

**"Well...Now...um...I don't know...Forget it. Next question-" A loud boom is heard and a hole appears on the wall. A man walks into it. "Hello. Did someone call my name?" **

**"Oh, nice. Sima Yi is trying out a white version of his popped-collar robe. And he decided to get a haircut and smeared hair gel on it."**

**"What?" **

**"Sometimes I believe when Sima Yi died, he became a Shinigami to become Sosuke Aizen."**

**"What are you talking about?" **

**"But then again, Sima Yi managed to get the land even after death and Aizen over there can't capture a single town all because of a human boy. And he's immortal. How sad...So, Aizen, visiting your Espada that are living here in the Human World?"**

**"How did you know about that..?"**

**"That is a topic in Bleach Espada FanFictions. You kicking them out of Hueco Mundo then they fend for themselves, blah,blah, blah...And it's so funny how you sound exactly like Sima Yi. Say Hadoken and Imbecile!"**

**"I'm leaving..." **

**"Hey, the wall! Oh well, next one."**

**From Minako the Dragon Maiden of DW**

1. Wen Yang and Zhao Yun: Compare you two, which one is better spear user?

2. Lu Xun: I wonder why you're addicted on fire. Because I have a few fireworks in my vault (I can give them to you if you wish).  
3. Sima Zhao: Why you don't have crazy laugh from your father and brother? (I don't mean to say it. Actually I wish to stuff their mouths with mops)

**"My weapon is a javelin, but I think Zhao Yun deserves the praise for the better spear user."**

**"Oh, no. You are talented in your own way."**

**"But I can never compete with you. You are the better one."**

**"No, it is the future that counts. You are the better one."**

**"Ok, stop. You two are the better ones. Next!" Lu Xun lights the curtain near him on fire. Izuru quickly gets a bucket of water to put it out. "Answer the question. Why do you like fire?"**

**"It's soo...pretty...I want fireworks..."**

**"NO! Don't give them to him! Zhao?"**

**"Um...I don't know...I got my mother's side after all."**

**"Actually...if you play around in Zhang Chunhua's voice gallery, you will find one where she does a evil laugh. Well, not Sima Yi-ish, but just maybe evil queen-ish. So..." Sima Yi then says jokingly,"He's adopted." He snickers. Zhang Chunhua hits him. "OW! I was joking!"**

**"Kind of a insensitive joke...But really, why don't you have it?"**

**"Um...It takes your breath up..." Izuru then says out, "It's because he's the only one in the family that is actually sane. Oh, and I got the mops if you want to shove them in Sima Yi and Sima Shi's mouths."**

**"Don't you dare!"**

**"Oh, I want to do it!" The two get the mops and throws them right into Sima Yi's and Sima Shi's mouths. "Mmph!" **

**"Ok, now last ones."**

**From Alexandria Yamil**

A Q&A story? Cool! Ok so here are my questions?

1. Xu Shu why are you so depressed all the time? Smile a little bit! ( hugs him)  
2. Wang Yuanji would you rather have Sima Shi as a husband?  
3. Da Qiao why do you spoil Xiao Qiao so much? You know that's not helping her right?  
4. Zhang Chunhua how can I be fearless like you?  
5. Wang Yi, I dare you to go on a date with Guo Jia and not kill him (at least until the end)  
Lol I feel so evil.

**"Gee, where do we start? Where is Xu Shu anyway?"**

**"Here."**

**"Oh! Make some noise, for Christ's sake! Now answer the Q."**

**"Um...I don't know..." He curls up in a corner, drawing swirls with his finger. **

**"That's not enough! Smile and accept the hug." He still sits at the corner. "Eh, ok...Next, Yuanji?"**

**"NO." **

**"Normally you would deny it while blushing, but now you're just being straight forward. Did something happen between you two?" **

**"Well...there was something that I now know about Sima Shi that makes me disturbed..."**

**"What? Meatbuns?"**

**"No...it was during the time when you had us act in dramas and sit-coms."**

**"What? Did I miss something during the acting?"**

**"We were all improvising, but Shi took it too far..." Sima Yi, Sima Zhao, and Zhang Chunhua turn green. Sima Shi tugs on his collar. "You all remember that...?"**

**"You kissed your mother!" Takasugi then acts confused,****"Isn't that what all boys do to their moms?"**

**"But...he grabbed her and kissed her on the lips!"**

**"In some countries, they do that."**

**"Grabbing..."**

**"Ok, not that. But what?" Zhang Chunhua goes to Takasugi and whispers into his ear. He then realizes. "Oh...that kind of kiss...ugh...Shi? Do you have the Oedipus complex...?"**

**"What do you mean...?" **

**"Well...In Conquest mode and Ambition mode, when you have to fight Sima Yi, it is implied you want to actually want to kill him based on the his speech rectangle. And you seem to be pretty or wanting to be close to Zhang Chunhua..." Sima Shi runs back inside the portal. Sima Yi asks him, "What is this Oedipus complex?"**

**"Something you don't want to know about and something Shi possibly has...Next, Da Qiao, what is your answer to the third question?"**

**"I don't spoil Xiao Qiao...I'm her sister and we look out for each other."**

**"Yeah!"**

**"Wow...and today's society, sisters would usually shun each other just for a guy or not talk to each just because one said something that was not at all offending. Most sisters I know would stop talking to each other for weeks just because of something stupid, like a guy choosing one of them to go to prom and not the other. Next? The fourth question reminds me of those "We Can Do It!" posters found at World War Two."**

**"Well...now I fear something...So I can't answer that question...But what condition does Shi have?"**

**"Again, I'm not explaining that one because it's very...eh...dark..."**

**"Just tell me."**

**"Why do you want this stress to be placed upon you?!"**

**"What is it?"**

**"Don't say I didn't warn you...Well, once upon a time, a king and queen had an infant son. They took him to a psychic and the psychic said the boy will kill the father and marry the mother. So the king told a shepherd to leave the baby up in the mountains to die. The shepherd bound the boy's feet with a leather strap and was about to leave him but couldn't. So he takes him to another king and queen so they can adopt him. They named him "Oedipus" because of his damaged feet. One day, after he grew up, he decided to go out. He met his birth father at a river but they both didn't know they were father and son. They argued who was to go across first, and the king tried to kill him, but Oedipus killed him in self-defense. Unknowingly fulfilling half of the prophecy. Then some things happened, killing the Sphinx made him king by his uncle and a hand in marriage with the recently-widowed queen. Then...ugh...they had four children...Then some miscellaneous stuff happened, and the queen found out Oedipus was her son, more miscellaneous stuff, then hanged herself."**

**"That...did not answer my question..."**

**"Put yourself, Sima Yi, and Sima Shi in the story." After she thought of that for a few minutes, her face turns into of disgust and fear. "Are you suggesting...?"**

**"Well, the story is what the complex is based on. The complex is...well...I'll say at the end of this...Now, one dare...Now you two get out there."**

**"Oh, don't worry...I'll treat you r-"**

**"Let's go to a bar."**

**"What?"**

**"It wasn't being specific what kind of date, so bar date."**

**"Ok..."**

**The two were at a bar and drinking. "So...what exactly am I supposed say?"**

**"Drink."**

**"Ok..." After ten minutes, Guo Jia gets drunk and is talking gibberish. "Why won't ydcdca loove me...? I work sovhbfjzbf hardrfffc eto put money in your pocketscvfv...! I nsghscsjcn,nv,cjndkv Brahlgfj..." He drops his head onto the counter. Wang Yi then leaves very quietly. She gets back onto the stage. "So, how'd it go?"**

**"It was a blast."**

**"Oh, you didn't kill him?"**

**"Nah, he got something else." When Guo Jia woke up, the bartender gave him a paper. "Oh...man...She left me with the bill..." It switches back to the stage. "Well, that's it. Bye now!"**

* * *

**Notes**

**The Oedipus complex is a disorder based on that story that was mentioned. But I'm sure you don't want to learn, so I guess I'll just say it straightforward. It's when a boy gets sexual desires for his mother and wants to kill the father for her. Or it can be a girl having sexual desires for her father. That's the simple definition. Anyway, Sima Shi seems to display this complex. In the modes where he has interaction with Sima Yi during a battle is that he seems to actually want to kill him. And he seems to love his mother a little...eh...But this is just my theory, don't take it into consideration. God, I sound nerdy and doctorly here...**

**Sima Yi reminds me of Sosuke Aizen. He just does. When Takasugi asked Aizen to say, "Hadoken," it was because he and Sima Yi share voice actors with Street Fighter character Ryu. Picture Sima Yi doing a Hadoken, it'll be hilarious.**

** I just randomly listed strong anime characters in this, so don't flame me about who's stronger and why this other guy should be on there or why this guy should not be on there because I don't care about that. **

**When Sima Yi said a vulgar him destroyed Wu with a tank, that was something that happened in one of my other stories. **

**Guo Jia did the "Most Interesting Man in the World" meme.**

**A/N: Wow, I never thought I could get five reviews in a day. Thanks for your support. Keep those questions coming and dares are welcome! **


	3. Love's in the air!

**A door opens on top of the ceiling, and few papers fall on Takasugi's head. "Oh, more." **

**From Guest**

OoohQ&A huh.  
Zhao Yun, is it true that you're having a little bit of "something" with Ma Chao?  
Li Dian, like the first but with Yue jin.  
all DW female characters,make some kind of vote about the HOTTEST male character in DW.(the Choices are Zhao Yun,Xu Shu,the Guan bros,Zhang Bao,Sima Siblings,Yue Jin,Li Dian,Xiahou Dun,Guo Jia,Lu Xun,Zhu Ran,Ling Tong and Lu Bu)  
last but not least,XU SHU WILL YOU MARRY MEinsert some fangirl scream(while pointing AK47 at the Author direction)

**Holy s*** cookies! Why is this person aiming that at me and not you?!**

**"You're writing this. So, Zhao Yun does have a thing with Ma Chao and Li Dian having a thing with Yue Jin? And really? S*** cookies? I can come up with a better swear than that."**

**Shut up. Zhao Yun and Ma Chao look at each other funny. "Eh..."**

**"Eh..."**

**"He'd rather be with a horse than an actual human being, though..."**

**"Hey! I don't spend time with horses that much!"**

**"You spent five hours one time looking for a horse named Chestnut. I tried telling you don't have a horse named Chestnut, but you ignored me."**

**"I was drunk. And I watched that movie with the little girl and her horse. It was so beautiful..." He sobs.**

**"Ok...Li Dian and Yue Jin?"**

**"Eh...No comment."**

**"Eh..."**

**"Why are you "ehhh"ing? Is it maybe or no or maybe yesno?"**

**"Eh..."**

**"Ok, nevermind. Does Zhang Chunhua count for that next one? I think it will be pretty awkward for her saying Sima Shi or Sima Zhao are attractive...And some women here are...older than the most of the pretty guys..."**

**I personally think Sima Yi and Zhou Yu are hot in my book despite they're dead men and pixelated. **

**"No one's asking you!"**

**I think you said once you'd go homosexual for one of them.**

**"Shut up! Now, ladies, take your vote. Oh, guys go into the soundproo-there are so many...Ok, the women go-too many...Just yell it out!" The room remains silent. "What? Not sexy enough?"**

**"It's...eh...that they are too young for me...I can't say without sounding creepy..."**

**"Ok...Zhang Chunhua, Yue Ying, Zhen Ji, Zhu Rong, Diao Chan and Lian Shi can opt out since they're technically old women already-OOFF!" The six mentioned took chairs and whacked Takasugi with them. "And you ladies look fine as hell despite that!" Bao Sanniang jumps up and down. "I think Guan Suo will always be hot!" **

**"Now that is obviously biased since you're married to him. Anyone else?" Xiao Qiao raises her hand. "Zhou Yu!"**

**"He was not an option..."**

**"Ok, then Lu Xun and Zhu Ran! They're such cuties!"**

**"At least you're being honest. Da Qiao?"**

**"Oh...um...well...I..."**

**"Spit it out already...We don't have a lot of space for your umm's."**

**"All of the Guans seem decent."**

**(This is gonna spawn weird-ass ships...)"Mm-hm, Sun Shang Xiang?" **

**"I don't need no man to tell what to do!"**

**"The questionee asked if you find any of the guys mentioned are attractive to you."**

**"Zhao Yun. Even though he's just a cardboard cutout for the game and cliche since I'm poster girl."**

**"Hey! I can do other things besides that..."**

**"Name one thing that does not involve Koei."**

**"Um...I advertised 7-Up."**

**"Now, that's selling out. You can't think of one, huh?"**

**"...Yes..."**

**"That's what I thought. Wang Yuanji?"**

**"Despite his weird thing with Lady Zhang, I think Sima Shi is attractive."**

**"What about Zhao? He's kinda like if you married a male Zhang Chunhua."**

**"Why did you put that image into my head?! Ugh...not that's a bad thing, m'lady..."**

**"Just sayin'...Zhao has really striking features from her..."**

**"Ok, Zhao too."**

**"I don't have a weird thing with my mother!"**

**"Yep...you do...But I'm not getting into this again, so let's go on to Shu's young ladies." He gets glares for the "older" women. "Ok...ladies, happy? Guan Yinping, who is the hottest guy in your opinion? Choose from that list." **

**"Li Dian is pretty cute. And Zhang Bao reminds me of that orange-haired guy I like."**

**"Oh, yeah. You share actors with Orihime, so Zhang Bao reminds you of Ichigo, right?"**

** "Yes."**

**"Well, that's gonna get some Bleach and Dynasty Warriors fans to ship you and Zhang Bao if it hasn't happened yet. Xing Cai?"**

**"Hm...Zhao Yun, Guan Ping, and Guan Xing."**

**"You know...you don't have to choose from in your own kingdom..."**

**"But they are what I personally think are attractive."**

**"Wow, so straightforward. And...Guaaan Piing, she thinks you're attraaaactive!"**

**"Why are you...eh...saying like that...?"**

**"Oh, come on. We even implied it on some occasions during the DW series. It was bound to happen. That should be next year's hot new soap opera. Guy can't love the woman because she's married to a higher man than him...Oh wait...that's been done...Anyway, Wei ladies?"**

**"Guo Jia, since he pays for all my drinks."**

**"Well...that's...nevermind...Cai Wenji?"**

**"...Well...I...um..."**

**"What?"**

**"Sima Shi and Yue Jin."**

**"Isn't Sima Shi your nephew-in-law...? Nevermind...Now that's been answered, Xu Shu, will you take this very-psychopathic person to be your lawfully-wedded wife? " **

**"But...I didn't say-"**

**"What? Can't hear ya! Boom, you're married. Bye! But why do you want him as a husband? It's like the same thing as marrying a cardboard cutout, except it breathes on you. Eh, none of my business."**

**"But I-"**

**"Now, next one."**

**From Inao45**

I hope you don't mind me asking another question...

For Lian shi: Would you do anything if Sun Quan asked you to do it

**"Um...What do you mean by that?"**

**"What this questionee means is that if Sun Quan asked you to jump off a cliff with him, would you do it?"**

**"That...eh...there are limits..." Sun Quan tells her,"I wouldn't ask you to jump off a cliff with me! I would not let you suffer my fate if I were to do that!"**

**"And there's...the other thing...if you know what I mean..." His face turns red and is smirking pervertedly. "Ugh...you disgust me..."**

**"Hey, the question said "anything." That means if she had to get on her knees and-AH! OW!" He gets multiple arrows to his behind. "...Next..."**

**From Burndlce**

Well Lets see here...

all the female Characters, are you satisfied with your current husband/crush?  
any of you wanna trade?  
like the number 1 but for male characters.  
I kiss you Li Dian ?(*o kiss his cheek without permission)

**Li Dian acts giggly, "Aw, thanks!" **

**"Ok...Zhang Chunhua?"**

**"Why are you looking at me like that...?"**

**"Because you didn't choose Yi as your husband. Your parents did. And in these kinds of marriages, the woman or man may not like their spouse after marriage. I don't know, maybe if you had a choice...you would go for one of Yi's younger brothers...Maybe Sima Fu?"**

**"He's still older than me..."**

**"Ok, Sima Xun?"**

**"Who?"**

**"Sima Min?"**

**"He died, and he was still a child."**

**"Oh, yeah. Sima Tong?"**

**"Who?"**

**"Sima Lang."**

**"He's dead and too old for me."**

**"Ok...who would you marry?"**

**"I have gotten used to Sima Yi all these years."**

**"So...you like him...?"**

**"...When you put it that way..."**

**"Ha! You do! You're blushing!"**

**"Why are you making a case out of this?"**

**"It's just funny someone in this small world of ours LIKES or even...LOVES Sima Yi. Other than his family members and his sons. It's just...eh...I can't say...He's...like if you tried to be friends with a ...uh...a turtle." **

**"...A turtle...?"**

**"Yes, a turtle. I had one. You can't be friends with the thing! It just ignores you until you change the tank or feed it." **

**"That's...not really accurate..."**

**"Anyway, you wouldn't trade him or marry someone else?"**

**"Yes. I'm surprised you are interested in what my preferences in men are."**

**"Well I supposed you liked him...since you two had four and possibly five children...Wait...I remember something, when you died, Sima Yi was not at his work that day...Yi, did you-"**

**"Ok, go on to someone else now..." **

**"Just stating the history...(He does have a soft spot, who knew?) What about Wang Yuanji? Are you happy? Your marriage was arranged as well."**

**"Zhao is lazy, yes. But he has potential and his parents knew that...kinda...I wouldn't ask for another spouse." (Since Shi creeps me out now...)**

**"Ok, Zhen Ji."**

**"No, Cao Pi is perfect for me."**

**"Yue Ying?"**

**"I love my husband. I would not trade him for anyone else."**

**"Zhu Rong?"**

**"I'm good." **

**"Lian Shi?"**

**"I am satisfied. I wouldn't give him up for anyone else."**

**"Bao Sanniang...?"**

**"I'm staying with Guan Suo, no matter what!"**

**"Yep, knew it...Xing Cai?"**

**"Who can I trade?"**

**"What..?"**

**"You heard me."**

**"I guess anyone you desire...but it's not for real..."**

**"Then I'm good."**

**"Ok...Sun Shang Xiang?"**

**"I'll trade Liu Bei for...hmm...Zhang Bao or a Guan."**

**"Really?"**

**"At least they're MY age."**

**"I wouldn't blame you. The Qiaos?"**

**"I'm happy with Sun Ce."**

**"Me too with Zhou Yu!"**

**"That should be all of them."**

**"What about Lu Bu and Diao Chan?"**

**"We already know they love each other to bits. I don't need a reminder. Last one."**

**From awesomeness**

1) I dare Lu Xun to go 1 hour without using fire or creating fire.  
2) for Lu Bu again: DO you want your daughter to follow your footsteps on being the ultimate warrior?  
and lastly for Ma Chao (3): why do you like horses a lot and always ride them, and why do you talk about justice a lot?

**"You heard them, Lu Xun. No fire."**

**"No...fire...?"**

**"Yes. No fire. **Wú huǒzāi, 无火灾, no fuaiya. **Why are you talking like that when you don't have fire?"**

**"But...fire..."**

**"Lu Xun...I hear you say many fluent sentences a lot in the game. Why aren't you saying some now?"**

**"But..."**

**"It's only for an hour, chill."**

**"Oh, ok." Lu Xun returns to talking in a normal voice. "That seems not too bad."**

**"Oh...I thought you would be more upset about that."**

**"It's only for an hour, right?"**

**"Well, yeah."**

**"Then I'm fine." **

**"Are you?" Lu Xun was rubbing two sticks quickly behind his back. Takasugi gets them and throws them. "What is so interesting about fire?"**

**"It represents Wu and their fiery spirit."**

**"Anything else...?"**

** "It's pretty."**

**"And in this world, that is frowned upon..." (Hmm...A kind of flamethrower was invented in Ancient China...I bet five hundred bucks one of Lu Xun's descendants made that...It was invented after the Three Kingdoms fell, though, so he can't get his grubby hands onto one.) "Lu Bu? Do you want your daughter to follow in your footsteps?"**

**"She can do as she likes. I will not force her to be like me. If she wants to follow in my footsteps, that is fine." **

**"Aw, that's nice...And to answer that last question, did you know Ma Chao is buddy-buddy with Light Yagami (Death Note) and Kaname Tosen (Bleach) because of their justice obsession? He even joined the Justice club and the Justice League-Haha! Ok, that one was fake...Why does Ma Chao like horses?"**

**"Because they are my pride and joy. Horses are the ONLY things we can ride anyway! We don't have his world's fancy-smancy thing with wheels!"**

**"Your family name means horse, also. And those "things" are CARS. Or automatic carriages if we use your terms. " **

**"That has nothing to do with it! The Simas over there have nothing to do with horses and their name has horse in it!"**

**"Well...I read that Sima Yi was described that he looked like a-OW!" Sima Yi threw a chair at him. "DO. NOT. REMIND. ME."**

**"Ok...jeez...Well, Ma Chao, can you put this on?" He holds up one those horse masks. Ma Chao looks at it shocked. "You chopped off a poor horse's head?!"**

**"No...this is fake...It's a mask."**

**"I shall not wear that!"**

**"Ok, Ma Dai?"**

**"It looks hideous..."**

**"Sima Yi...?"**

**"NO!"**

**"Oh, wait, your face already looks like one...OOW!" Sima Yi throws a pulley left on the stage. "Ok...Ma Chao, why do you talk about justice again?"**

**"Because there isn't enough of it."**

**"That doesn't answer the question...And was it justice when you killed Wang Yi's family?"**

**"Um...gotta go feed the horses!" Ma Chao runs into the portal. **

**"I thought so...So, that's it. Tune in next time!"**

* * *

**Notes**

**In case you didn't know, Ma Chao and Ma Dai's names have horse in them. "Ma" means horse in Chinese. Sima Yi, Sima Shi, and Sima Zhao have this as well. Even the Chinese characters in the front of their names mean horse.**

**Something tells me that people will ship Guan Yinping and Zhang Bao together because their voice actors did Ichigo and Orihime from Bleach. And Orihime has a crush on Ichigo...blah...blah...you get the idea.**

**Sima Yi had four, possibly five children with his wife. Why possibly five is that he had a daughter whose mother was unknown. It was possible it was Zhang Chunhua. Gee, can't keep track of his children, am I right? Ok...that was bad...**

**Takasugi said, "no fire" in Chinese and Japanese for that line. **

**Zhao Yun did advertise 7-Up for DW8 and Lu Bu advertised Pepsi I think when DW7 came out?. **

**I once read this description of Sima Yi and it stated he had a long face, like a horse. I forgot the source, but I'm sure that was someone hating on Sima Yi. Good luck getting that weird image out of your head. **

**The flamethrower was invented and used during the 7th century and the 11th century. Three Kingdoms was 2nd century, so Lu Xun can't get his hands onto one if wanted to. **

**I do have a pet turtle. What? **

**I'll explain how Sima Shi is Cai Wenji's nephew-in-law, if that term exists...Sima Shi's third wife, Yang Huiyu, was Cai Wenji's niece. Yang Huiyu was the daughter of Cai Wenji's sister, thus she's Cai Wenji's niece. And making Shi her nephew-in-law. **

**Boom, you learned stuff today.**


	4. Takasugi is done with your shit

**A paper airplane flies near Takasugi and he grabs it. "Oh, a question. AH!" Multiple paper airplanes fly and hit him. "Ok, ok! First one..."**

**From Flitzie**

Okay enough questions , its Dare Time !  
1. For the Useless Author and his OCs : I dare you guys to have a "one night stand" with Zhang He .  
2. For all DW pretty boys : the same like the question above .

**Now I feel slightly offended... **

"**Sorry if this disappoints you, but the author's female. She just has a guy's sense of humor. Maybe that's why you confused her for a guy. And I dare you to call me useless again! Compared to Izuru, I'm the one that is in these things more and I get all of the abuse! You know what? Izuru, you take over! See how I feel!" He walks off the stage in a huff. Izuru walks onto the stage and picks up the papers. "Well, he's out. I'm going to have to take over...Anyway, the author can't have intercourse with Zhang He because she is a minor. Zhang He will frown upon that. And...that leaves me...Oh come on! He left and author's not legal! I have to do it?! Zhang He goes to him. "Can I skip this...?" **

**"Yeah, Zhang He is not even homosexual! He's just femmine, we never disclosed on his sexuality anyway. And the pretty boys with you...? What about Shi and Zhao...? I mean...you're old enough to be their uncle or something!" Sima Shi and Sima Zhao hide behind the curtain. "No...not him..." **

**"He scared me ever since I was little..."**

**"Really?" Sima Yi tells him, "When I took them around the Wei area and Zhang He comes over, they would cling onto me throughout the time he was around..."**

**"Ok...I don't think we can do this dare...The author is already uncomfortable with this.**** Let's throw that one out. Next one."**

**From Ryujin Mei**

hee more silliness and funnieness and now I'm up to date *yech*...I can't get that image of Sima Yi with a horse face now.. *Gyaaaah -pfft- *cue crazy laughter* and hmm..seems like there's another psychopath who's followed me AWESOME example! *but Ak-47's are SO over rated* anyways...and a pet turtle sounds cute! aww! unrelated and irrelevant but I have 4 pet spiders and 2 scorpions  
1. a dare for Ma Chao : say a hmmm *evil smirk* 50 word advertisement about benevolence BUT! 'justice' CANNOT be spoken! the punishment will be wearing that horse head mask and actually...dressing up as a magical sparkling pink unicorn...handing out wishes and sweet dreams to ...Lu Bu. *smiles good luck*  
2. Lu Bu, would you class yourself as an S or M? You seem very insecure around Diaochan and I'm sure she's always dominating you...in her own ? I think you're an M  
3. Again Lu Bu, let's just hypothesize (hehe do you even understand that?) pwecious Lingqi and *looks at pretty boys for potential victim aha!* Lu Xun...were dating, what would you do?

**"Ma Chao, here's a board and some markers. Figure it out. Don't use the word justice."**

**"Let me see..."**

**Few minutes later...**

**Ma Chao holds up his board. "Here."**

**"That was fast. Let's see..." **

**BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE Convinced? Join Shu on their conquest of BENEVOLENCE!**

**"What the hell is this?! This is barely anything! It's just benevolence repeating! God, I'm sick of that word now...You didn't say justice, though..."**

**"Hey, it didn't say to stop using benevolence."**

**"But not throughout the f***ing advertisement! You're still putting that horse mask on throughout the story then." **

**"Argh..." He puts on that shocked horse head mask. "Ugh, it stinks..."**

**"If you take it off before this is over, we'll make you wear the second option."**

**"Ok, ok. I get it." **

**"Also, S and M? Can someone elaborate on these two letters?" **

**Sadist and masochist. **

**"How would you know that? You're a minor!"**

**A dictionary. **

**"OK, now Lu Bu? Are you a masochist like Sima Yi over there?"**

**"I'm not a masochist!"**

**"You carry a whip."**

**"It's a fly swatter!"**

**"No, that's a whip. A horsehair whip, to be specific." Lu Bu acts confused. "What is the guy talking about?"**

**"Are you the dominate or the bottom? The questioner is thinking you like being hit or being bottom of Diao Chan."**

**"What? Of course I'm the top!"**

**"Is that right? And the next one was for you anyway, so would you let Lu Lingqi date Lu Xun-" Lu Bu had Lu Xun speared on top of his halberd. "What? I didn't hear."**

**"Oh...nevermind. Next paper."**

**From Pinky Flower**

Ok, here goes:  
*For Sima Yi: I don't care what others say, I find you EXTREMELY handsome, intellegent, and I loooove your laugh. Not to mention you are I have your autograph?  
*For Zhang Chunhua:I find ypu elegant, pretty, and is my qyestion, what are your true feelings for Sima yi?  
*For Xiao Qiao:You are absolutely my favorite! You're so cute and I like you with Zhou you ever consider having children?  
*For Cai Wenji:What is your relationship with Zhou yu?  
*For Wang Yi:Why not just move on? Try finding yourself a Sima Yi ;)  
*For Guan Yinping:Who would win in an arm wrestling? You or Meng Huo?

**"Well, looks like Sima Yi is popular with the ladies...still..."**

**"What is that supposed to mean?"**

**"Well...for starters...You are old. Like really old. Super-"**

**"Ok, I get it."**

**"Not to mention all those compliments just inflated your ego by 10 percent. Here's a piece of paper.****" Sima Yi writes on it and gives it to Izuru. "...You can speak English...but you can't write in it...? This is your name in Chinese, **司马懿"

**"It's the same thing."**

**"Next, Zhang Chunhua, what is your response to that question? And the questioner says you're elegant and pretty."**

**"Thank you. And I love and care for Sima Yi. Why do people think I don't?"**

**"Well...your marriage was arranged and those marriages usually have the bride and groom disliking each other. It is quite rare for the two to love each other fully in arranged marriages." **

**"Just because I don't show affection to him like some people, doesn't mean I hate or dislike him." **

**"And...you were thirteen when you married him...I mean...how did you make that work?" **

**"I don't know. I just got attached to him."**

**"Maybe it was a match made in hell...OOF!" Izuru gets a chair thrown at him. (Yay, his first abuse from a insulting comment.) "Ok, next...Xiao Qiao can't have children because she is a minor...Right, Zhou Yu?" Zhou Yu was in a corner with a depressed aura. "Uh-huh..." (I don't get sex...)**

**"I'm sorry, but...it just won't work if Xiao Qiao can't grow up. She's still a kid." Zhou Yu bursts out, "Why doesn't Sima Yi have a child wife? He married his wife a lot younger than Xiao Qiao is now!"**

**"Well...They had children when she was older." **

**"Well, I did too!"**

**"Ok...maybe the designers were thinking it would be cuter if the sisters were younger. Zhang Chunhua doesn't have siblings...I think..."**

**"It's not cute! It's pedophilia!" **

**"Zhou Yu, I don't design...I just animate. Talk to the designers. What is your relationship with Cai Wenji?"**

**"We both appreciate the beauty of music and poetry. I like her music as well. A shame we're on opposite sides." **

**"Oh, that's understandable. I don't think Wang Yi would move on, though...I mean, I still find fanart on her and him. Look at this one." He holds up a picture. "It's her and Sima Yi making out. Luckily, you tell it's fan-made because how crudely drawn this is." Sima Yi spits out his tea. "Phht! Who in the world assumed that?! Chunhua, I swear nothing happened!" **

**"I saw those cutscenes, though..."**

**"They were taken out of context! Who wrote the script?!"**

**"Not me. I animated what I was told to animate. Your animator was out that day, so I had to take over."**

**"I'm old enough to be her father!"**

**"Fangirls don't care about age difference. Look at you and Cao Pi, and you're old enough to be his uncle." Wang Yi goes to set fire onto Izuru's hand with the picture. "AH! Hot, hot!" He rapidly moves his arm to put out the flames. (His second abuse.) "I'm starting to become Takasugi...Oh, Guan Yinping and Meng Huo arm wrestling? Let's see." Guan Yinping and Meng Huo sit in a table. They grasped their hands together. "Ok, ready?"**

**"This girl can beat me in this? I'm not going easy then!" **

**"Go!" The two struggle as they try to put each other's arms down. Meng Huo was starting to heat up while Guan Yinping was still okay and sweated a bit. **

**"Ok...it's been half an hour...No one's giving up?"**

**"...No...I'm...going to...beat...her..."**

**"...Give...up..."**

**"...No...way..."**

**"Someone's going to pop something..."**

***POP* **

**"GAH! My shoulder is dislocated!" **

**"Oh...Guan Yinping wins..."**

**"Oh no! I'm so sorry! I couldn't control myself!"**

**"Need a Stimpak?"**

**"If it can repair my shoulder, yes!"**

**"Ok." Izuru takes a Stimpak and injects its content into Meng Huo's arm. "Hey, I no longer feel the pain!"**

**"These things never fail. Unless in Hardcore mode...What else?"**

**From Alexandria Yamil**

WHAT?! Xu Shu is MARRIED?! NOOOOOO! (faints) (wakes up a couple of minutes later) Aw man... lucky Guest...

How is it that you can come up with some of the most funniest stories ever? I can't even make a simple joke! But I digress... on to the questions!  
1. Jia Chong can I hug you? (hugs him anyway) Also what makes you so loyal to Sima Zhao?  
2. To everyone, do you like your weapon(s) or prefer another one?  
3. Since everyone seems to be doing it... Guan Xing MARRY ME! (points a sub-machine gun at Takasugi)

**"Since Takasugi is not here...Oh, it's to me. See? This is how school shootings happen. These people have easy access to automatic weapons! How are they getting these weapons anyway?! ...Oh...Ok, let's get this over with...Guan Xing, do you take this psychopathic woman to be your lawfully-wedded wife?"**

**"I do not want a bride now."**

**"Well, screw you. You're married now."**

**Jia Chong knocks off the woman off him. "Do not touch me. I'm loyal to Sima Zhao because, after all, we're good friends. I also help him use his actual head since he doesn't like to use it. You are wasting your father's gift to you, Zhao. Sima Zhong would have used that brain a lot better than you if he weren't stupid and had let my daughter take advantage of him."**

**"Gee, you sound like my mom now...Oh...nevermind..."**

**"So, does anyone want to change their weapons? Maybe Sima Yi can switch that whip for something that is less showing of his prefered action during intercourse."**

**"Hey! I do not use this for that!" **

**"Should I get the stain-identifier to see if it has been used for other purposes?"**

**"No. You don't need to. You can take my word." Zhuge Liang says out,"Can I get my fan that turns into a sword back?"**

**"Can't you do that now?"**

**"I can't. All I do is air waves and laser beams..."**

**"Remember DW5 Sima Yi's moveset? He was pretending he was shooting the beams with his mind, haha!"**

**"That was when I was...Actually...I don't know how old I was then..."**

**"Well, you acted like Zhong Hui...Phhthahah!" Zhuge Dan raises his hand. "Can I change my short rod?"**

**"Kmph...Short rod..."**

**"Don't make it sound dirty!"**

**"What do you want then?"**

**"The fan that turns into a sword."**

**"Hey!"**

**"But why? I like the moveset now. I say "Police brutality!" when you take a peon and smack him on the back with the rod."**

**"You're making it seem not so bad..."**

**"It's fun to use. All of those attacks make you look badass. Oh my god, I'm sounding like Takasugi...Anyone else want to change it?" Pang Tong raises his hand. "Yeah, can I get a bag of rocks? I don't like this fan."**

**"A bag...of rocks...? That's just lazy..."**

**"I want it."**

**"Well...you can easily make it, though. Man, there a lot today..." **

**From WarriorWizard**

I really Love these Q&As. May I ask some questions?

1-Um...Gan ning and Ling tong: You were enemies first , how did you suddenly turned all buddy-buddy? Do you love each other? *smiles timidly*

2-Zhu Ran and Lu Xun : what relationship do you have ,Exactly ? friends , Rivals or...*smiles*

3- Um..Um... Liu Shan : I know you are better than that, so please stop acting like an idiot or others will always pick on you. Why do you act like this?*Hugs him*  
4-And lastly :Guan Xing and Zhang Bao : You wanted to swore an oath of brotherhood like your fathers, but why didn't you ask Liu Shan , too? then you could be the three legendary brothers :) like your fathers.

Thank you in advance , author *bows*  
and Gomenasai for the long review.

**"Well, historically, Gan Ning and Ling Tong hated each other to the bitter end. So, why do you become friends?"**

**"The guy said to act like friends."**

**"Yeah, I didn't want to do it, but he offered all the wine I could drink..."**

**"Who?"**

**"This guy said to act like that. He just said do it."**

**"Huh, must have been one of the writers. What about Lu Xun-Oh, I forgot. So, I'm just going to ask this Zhu Ran guy. "Hey, are you buddies with Lu Xun or more than that?" He was talking to a mannequin dressed as Zhu Ran. "Oh, nothing to say? Oh, well...Guan Xing-Oh, you were taken away by the girl earlier...So, Zhang Bao, why didn't you include Liu Shan?"****  
**

**"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh..." Zhang Bao innocently walks backwards and hops into the portal. "Huh, he won't answer. Next."**

**From awesomeness**

I dare Zuo Ci to face Lu Xun and Zhu Ran in a fire contest with them doing tricks to try to amaze the crowd, the crowd will be all DW Characters and everyone will vote.

**"Ok! Zhu Ran! Catch!" Izuru throws a torch at the Zhu Ran mannequin. It catches fire. "Look! He's doing the "Burning Man!" Cao Cao, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Sima Yi at tables hold up boards. **

**CC:100**

**LB:101**

**SQ:200**

**SY:That is a plastic person. **

**"Ok! Lu X-Zuo Ci?" Zuo Ci snaps his fingers, and a flame appears on Cao Cao's head. "AAH! Negative infinity goes to him!" He sets the word BENEVOLENCE in fiery letters. Then he makes a tiger made of fire go through a flaming hoop. His last trick was setting Sima Yi's hat on fire. "AAH! Why?! Hot!"**

**"Looks like you two have...hotheads..." **

**YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**"This is not a joke! My head is on fire!" Sima Yi removes the hat and steps on it to put the flames out. The judges put up their boards.**

**CC: Negative infinity symbol**

**LB:1000**

**SQ: Over 9000**

**SY: Screw that old man.**

**"And...that adds up...to something...I think Zhu Ran won since Zuo Ci got negative infinity. Ok...last one..."**

**From Inao45**

I'm sorry, but I have MORE questions!  
*ahem* So here they are:

1. For Guan Yinping: Who do you think is stronger, you or Xing Cai?  
2. For Cai Wenji: How well do you get along with Wang Yi and Zhen Ji?

**"Um...I don't know...Xing Cai can put up with a drunk for a father, so she's gotta be that strong."**

**"It is clear Guan Yinping is stronger. She popped Meng Huo's shoulder."**

**"But that was an accident! I didn't want to hurt our ally!"**

**"How about we say both of us?"**

**"Yay!"**

**"Cai Wenji?"**

**"Well...Depends...Lady Zhen Ji and I got confused for each other in the game...Thanks a lot, Guo Jia..."**

**"Oh! Sorry! The script was...er..."**

**"Save it. Lady Zhen Ji and I like to play our instruments, so we are in content together. Lady Wang Yi is a different story...I tried to be nice, but she is...eh...tough..."**

**"She refuses your invitations?"**

**"I comfort her occasionally. But she always wants to be alone and drink her self off."**

**"Haa...It feels weird for me to not be a straight man now...It seems we're done." Takasugi walks onto the stage. "Well, you seem to be doing fine."**

**"Wait...you were here the entire time?"**

**"I was up there. In the balcony area, watching how you would handle this. You did decently."**

** "What...? I had a gun to my face that was meant for you!"**

**"You're alive aren't ya?"**

**"You will be doing this now. It's better if I'm the straight man."**

* * *

**What Izuru meant by straight man is not about sexuality, but a term used in comedy. What the straight man is that the guy points out stuff and makes the funny guy more stupid and more ridiculous. **

**Sima Zhong was Sima Yan's heir. If you go back, Sima Yan was Sima Zhao's son. Sima Zhao was Sima Yi's son-you get the idea. Sima Zhong is basically Sima Yi's great-grandson. But the weird thing was Sima Zhong was mentally retarded, something you wouldn't think that any Sima would have. **

**Seriously, how are you people getting guns? **

**A Stimpak is a medical item found in Fallout. It repairs crippled limbs. **

**I actually did find a picture of Wang Yi and Sima Yi making out. It creep me out since I know Sima Yi's actual age and he's old. Hey! I was looking for something else! That picture came up in my face when I searched for Dynasty Warriors comics and fanarts!**

**I do yell out "Police Brutality!" every time Zhuge Dan performs his EX attack with the short rod. **

**Zhu Ran was a mannequin because I have no idea what is his personality is. I didn't really get to see the new guys a lot. **

**Izuru did that meme when you say a pun, the CSI Miami opening scream plays out. **

**I do believe Sima Yi has a thing with being hit since he has a whip. And Zhang Chunhua can tie him up with those wires of hers. Kinky...**

**Cai Wenji was mad at Guo Jia because if you play the Wei hypothetical stage that lets you play as Cai Wenji, Guo Jia called her "Lady Zhen Ji." It's both sad and hilarious that they did not catch that mistake during the final touches and translating.**

**A/N: That was a lot. I thought I couldn't keep up because I had school, but I got it. But you people should go outside the box with the dares and questions. Just not...me having intercourse with one of the guys since I'm not legal as they say and it should be interesting. **


	5. More learning, yay!

**"Well, I back to doing these again! I hope I don't get another offending question again." Takasugi hods up a paper.**

**From Florina of Illia**

OMG a Q & A! I love those kinds of things!

Hmm...I really like the people from Jin a lot; they have such nice personalities; so...

(Because it's a thing now) For Zhong Hui: Marry me. Now. *sadistic smile, hides collar and leash while pointing a bazooka at Izuru*

Also a question for Sima Zhao; was there any time outside of battle that you got serious in, excluding any situations where Wang Yuanji may have gotten hurt?

And for Ma Chao; Admittedly, you're one of my favourite characters. Because of that, I have to give you some attention! Soo... I dare you to kiss Wang Yi ON THE LIPS and not get injured by it. Good luck!

Lastly...Sima Shi, what started your love for meat buns? Really curious here...

Thank you for answering my questions! I'll be back again soon! o vo

**"Well I think Jin is a fun kingdom to make fun of. The author likes them as well. And why do you want to marry this d***? He peed on my car when I gave him only a few lines in the first draft of the script. I had to change it since he was about to do another bodily function on my car." Izuru stands there, with the bazooka to his head. "The world will be overrun by fangirl terrorists...if they are able to military-grade artillery into their hands so easily..." **

**"Fine, be ready for the most awful moments of your life. Zhong Hui, do you take this pretty-stupid-and-hormone-raging-girl to be your lawfully wedded wife? Honestly, I should be the priest in Las Vegas wedding chapels. I'm doing this too much." **

**"Hmph. I don't want to be married. I have myself."**

**"You're lucky you can't age...or I'd advance your age by a hundred just to make you disgusted by your own body. But too bad, you are married."**

**"Didn't I say no?!"**

**"What? Can't hear ya. Sima Zhao's always lazy. Except during killing Cao Mao even though someone else did that, Chengdu stages, and meatbun stages." **

**"She said OUTSIDE of battle."**

**"Well, you answer! You're napping there, and you don't make noise!" Sima Zhao yawns and says, "Maybe during bed-"**

**"I'm going to stop you there."**

**"Bedtime."**

**"Bedtime could mean that stuff. Wait a minute! That's not something to be serious about! What about your son being born?"**

**"Actually, I did something rather...comical..."**

**"What? Threw the Jin-heir on the GROUND?"**

**"No, I did that thing from Lion King-"**

**"Yeah, Micheal Jackson did that, and he got ridiculed for that. Hanging Sima Yan over the balcony is not a good way to start..."**

**"Oh...They made it look ok in the movie..."**

**"It's never okay to hang your newborn baby over the balcony! I'm surprised NO ONE in your family stopped you!" Sima Yi walks backwards innocently, whistling. "Yeah...Never okay..."**

**"See? Your father agrees. What did you do when Zhao was born?"**

**"Um...I did that thing you just mentioned..."**

**"And you say Zhao is nothing like you...But how could you do that without your wives not snatching the baby from your hands?!"**

**"It was just for a split-second."**

**"...Ok...Ma Chao, kiss Wang Yi on the lips." Ma Chao (He didn't remove the horse mask last chapter.) acts confused. "What?! No! I'm not kissing her!" **

**"Well, it's a dare. Remove the mask." Ma Chao removes the mask, and goes over to Wang Yi. She stabs him. "Ugh..." **

**"He's not kissing me." Ma Chao falls. **

**"Of course this was to happen, after he did kill her family. Do YOU want to kiss the guy who murdered your family? I think not! And to answer the last one, Izuru can since he is such a nerd with this." **

**"Haha. Psychology is not nerdy. Anyway, I can do a test with Shi to see what is the cause of his obsession. Sima Shi, were you breastfed?" **

**"I don't know..."**

**"Fine, Sima Yi?"**

**"Yes. What does that got to do anything?"**

**"Then we are getting closer on what is the root of his obsession. What do these two meatbuns look like to you?" Izuru holds up two large meatbuns. Sima Yi slightly blushes at them. "Um...I can't say.." Sima Zhao snickers, "Knmp...they look like boobs...knmph..." Sima Shi looks at them, and drools slightly and unwittingly.**

**"If you thought breasts, maybe this will say something. Remind you of anyone?" The three slowly turned their heads towards Zhang Chunhua. "What? Why are you three looking at me?" Izuru points dramatically. ****"I discovered the root! Sima Shi has a thing with his mother, and meatbuns look like breasts, thus he eats them to satisfy his sexual desires for her!" Takasugi then claps slowly. "Well done. You could be a doctor or therapist for all we know."**

**"No, I took psychology class for a while." **

**"I do not have a thing with my mother! I just think meatbuns taste good..." Sima Zhao has a weirded-out face,****"...Now I think like that every time I see a meatbun now...ugh..." ****Sima Yi slowly moves his eyes down to Zhang Chunhua's chest. (I suddenly have a thought in my head now...I should probably eat more meatbuns when I'm alone...)**

**"Mm-hm. Ok-"**

**"Ok, Izuru. That's enough. We don't want to bore the audience with your jabber."**

**"Oh, fine..."**

**From WarriorWizard**

3 Hi author-san . I hope you don't mind me asking more question...?  
1- Xiahou Ba : You're really cute , May I hug You?*hugs* . How old are you ?  
2-Guo Jia : You're handsome too:3 but is there any women that caught your eyes? I mean for real.

Thank Chu.

**Xiahou Ba acts cheery. "Aw, thanks! I'm about...um...they didn't say..." Takasugi says out, "You're sixty-three!"**

**"What? How-"**

**"Yeah, since you were Xiahou Yuan's son, they designers had to make you younger. But you were sixty-three at around the time you defected to Shu. So...you're basically a botox-using grandpa..." **

**"I don't know what to say..."**

**"Based on your appearance now, about sixteen or seventeen should do for your age. Guo Jia?"**

**"I hadn't really found anyone..."**

**"Well, you're young, can't age, you have ALL THE TIME in the world to find a soulmate. Next." **

**From Inao45**

I like how you update everyday :) Please keep it up!  
As for my questions:

1. For Zhang Fei- Why do you drink so much? You know your daughter doesn't want a drunk father. Don't you care about her?!

2. For Zhuge Liang- Why do you hate Sima Yi? Why are you rivals with him anyways?

3. For Cai Wenji- What do you think about the music that teens listen to nowadays? Do you think modern music is better than ancient music?

**Zhang Fei was lying on the ground, reeking of alcohol. "Looks like he can't answer. But historically he wasn't a drunk. ROTK used alcoholism to blame for many of the screw-ups he did. He was just a screw-up and pretty horrible in history. But Dynasty Warriors goes by ROTK, not history." Zhuge Liang says out, "Sima Yi...Hm...I don't hate him, but don't like him of course we're on opposite sides. We both rival each other's intellect." **

**"That's in ROTK also. Historically, you have nothing to do with each other. If you two walked by each other historically, you would just give each other "mehs." But it would be just plain boring if we went with history and not ROTK. For the last one, I have something for Cai Wenji to listen to." Takasugi takes out a remote and Izuru pulls down the screen. He presses the projector on, having Miley Cyrus's Wrecking ball on the screen. "What do you think, Cai Wenji?"**

**"...Ugh...I prefer ancient music if this is what modern music is..."**

**"Well, some music are not bad, but have no meaning." Izuru changes the content on the screen to Gangnam Style. "What about this one?"**

**"No...it's weird..." **

**"Ok, what about this one?" He changes it to Shakira music. **

**"No...it's...vulgar..."**

**"Well, she doesn't like it. Last one."**

**From Butterfly 123**

*For Sima Shi: You're smart, handsome, strong, funny, and cute!How did you become all these?! For Jia Chong: Is that nail Polish on your hand and white powder or you were born like that? For Male characters: Who is the cutest and most beautiful female between the dynasty warriors females? For most or half the dynasty warriors characters( author chooses):Who is your rival in dead or alive game?and why?

**"Well...he got his genetics from Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua. They are both smart and pretty. Cute doesn't really go with them...maybe if they were little kids...I doubt Sima Yi can even pick up his own wife and Zhang Chunhua can maybe with him. And where does funny fit with them? The author uses Yi occasionally for comic relief, but not Zhang Chunhua because...well...she's not...amusing...if you did use her for comic relief...So...Jia Chong? Is that make up?"**

**"It's not. I just never go into the sun."**

**"How do you get your Vitamin D then?" **

**"There are foods that have that. And this is nail polish. I got it from someone."**

**"Let me see the bottle." Jia Chong gives Takasugi the nail polish bottle. "...This is Kuroshitsuji-branded nail polish...It even has Sebastian's face on it." **

**"That man gave it to me."**

**"Sebastian gave it to you...? I'll believe that when a pig flies." Jia Chong walks over to Xu Chu, picks him up, and throws him out the window. "There. A pig flew, you believe me now?"**

**"...I didn't mean literally. And Sebastian wears nail polish? I knew it! Someone owes me twenty dollars! Now...I think the most hottest character is Lian Shi. I mean...DAMN! LOOK AT DEM BOOBS!" He gets a sword and multiple arrows to his behind. "...Fine...what do everyone else think...?" **

**"I think Diao Chan is the most beautiful woman."**

**"Lu Bu, that is biased. You're with her a lot."**

**"I think Zhen is the most beautiful."**

**"Again...Cao Pi...that is biased...You're married to her..." Cao Cao says, "The Qiaos are pretty cute..."**

**"That is just creepy! How about a real woman? Those are just kids."**

**"...Hmm...I'll tap Zhen Ji, Wang Yi, Cai Wenji, that wife of Sima Yi, and that girl Sima Yi's son is married to..."**

**"...Yeah...some people won't like that..." Cao Cao gets disapproving looks from Cao Pi, Sima Zhao, and Sima Yi. "Hey, I was being honest."**

**"You know...Yuanji's WAY too young for you...Same thing with Zhang Chunhua..." Sun Ce says out, "I think Lian Shi has one nice ass."**

**"See? Sun Ce agrees with me. I bet Sima Shi is going to say his mom." **

**"What? Well...I think Yuanji's cute and Mother is beautiful."**

**"I rest my case. It's hard to do these kinds of questions since there are seventy of you people here! We don't have time to go to EVERY SINGLE ONE of you to answer, so we just get random characters to answer. Dead or Alive? Does Xtreme Beach Volleyball count?" Izuru looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "...Ugh...you play that?"**

**"What? It's Dead or Alive."**

**"Yeah...if you want to play with yourself with the women...They obviously meant the fighting games."**

**"I played Xtreme Pole Dancing too." (This is an actual Dead or Alive game.)**

**"Shut. Up. I never actually played any of the games though. How about the author answers?"**

**I never played the game either. I don't know characters either. I wasn't into 2D or 3D platform fighting games anyway. The only one I know is Ryu Hayabusa. I can't really make a connection. Though most of the mature DW women look like they belong in a Dead or Alive game. Or maybe in Xtreme Beach Volleyball. How do I know about that game? I found it in the pre-owned section at GameStop. Of course I didn't buy it! **

**"That should be it. Hm...I want to dare..."**

**"You can do that next time."**

**"Aw...But these dares aren't even funny...I want something embarrassing, maybe for Sima Yi."**

**"Why me?!"**

**"Because you are funny when angry or embarrassed. And it's even more adorable on how short you are..."**

**"I'm not short! I'm 5'10!"**

**"To me, that's short because Wen Yang and Lu Bu are here. But, historically you were pretty tall...I think about 6'2 or higher. But right now...you short, my friend." **

**"You're only about a few centimeters taller than me. I don't know why you are not calling yourself short..."**

**"Now, this is normal height for an adult male my age. But I suppose you being an old guy...OOF!" Sima Yi roundhouse kicks him off the stage. "You people put too much emphasis on my age!" **

** "Just being honest here!"**

* * *

**That point Izuru made does seem to make sense. I personally think that is the root of Sima Shi's meatbun obsession. But I'm not a doctor or psychologist.**

**Xiahou Ba was around sixty-three during the time he defected to Shu. Yeah...he was already a grandpa by that time...Good luck getting that out of your head...**

**Zhang Fei was a drunk in ROTK, but historically he wasn't. He did improper things and disgusting things and was overall a screw-up. A shame the Dynasty Warriors Zhang Fei has to live with that on his back. DW Zhang Fei was actually ok in my book, but historical Zhang Fei disgusts me. **

**Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi had nothing to do with each other historically, but in ROTK, they were rivals. I like this rivalry even though this didn't exist. **

**I read that Sima Yi and his brothers were tall. Like. Really tall. His older brother, Sima Lang, was only twelve and he was over six feet. He got a military job since the employers thought he was an adult. Man, I wish I had that...I could buy any video game I want at a GameStop if I were that tall. Or Sima Yi could be a basketball star for all I know. Actually, that thought is making me laugh right now.**

**Everything you knew about Dynasty Warriors is wrong! Ah, just kidding. The fictional story is more entertaining than the real story. But the truth hurts, I know.**


	6. This song was written by a gay guy

**"Here is the next batch of questions."**

**From awesomeness**

1) Zhou Yu do you hate Zhuge liang, and Zhuge Liang do you hate Zhou Yu

**Zhou Yu had a doll of Zhuge Liang behind his back and was tearing it up. "No...of course not...Why would I hate my lord's ally...?" Zhuge Liang did not see the doll and said, "Why would I hate him? It's Sima Yi I dislike more."**

**"That rivalry with Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang is also fictional. But that's is what keeps the show running here. Next."**

**From Holyshishkabob**

I dare Zhuge Liang, Sima Yi, and Sun Quan to give hot steamy kisses to their wives. I also dare Zhen Ji and Wang yi to do that to each other.

**"I like the way you think! You chose three of the people that will blush to a tomato when asked to do that with their spouse! Now...You three kiss like it's f***ing Paris!" Sima Yi was the one that blushed like a tomato. "W-What?! I'm not doing that with everyone watching me!" **

**"Wait...you WOULD do this if you were alone with Zhang Chunhua...?"**

**"W-Well...that's not what I said-" Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying slightly blushed at each other. "...Can we get a curtain if we have to do this...?" Sun Quan was blushing as well, "...Might as well..." He goes over to Lian Shi and pulls her into a long kiss. "Now, who's next? Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi, your move." They both looked at their wives and back over to Sun Quan. Zhuge Liang shrugs and pulls Yue Ying into for a kiss. Lots of hand movements... **

**"Well then, that leaves you."**

**"But...can you at least turn..." He whispers. "...Shi, Yuanji and Zhao away? I do not want them to see this..." **

**"What? They are old enough to know what's going on."**

**"But..."**

**"Why are you being so shy about this?! Be grateful they didn't asked you to kiss a guy!" **

**"You're right. Excuse me." Sima Yi goes to Zhang Chunhua, grabs, and kisses her. **

**"Um...you can stop now, you three..." The three still were kissing their spouses. Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying were on the ground and Sun Quan and Lian Shi were standing. "...Hey..." He turns to another direction to see Zhang Chunhua removing Sima Yi's hat and untying his hair. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?! Are you trying to scar your sons right now?!" **

**"You said they'll know what is going on."**

**"Not to do that stuff! You could have stopped after a minute!" **

**"Oh...right..." **

**"Can you two over there stop now? You can continue when you get back home and it is nighttime."**

**"Oh! You didn't really say..." The other two finished and separated from their spouses. **

**"It also said for Zhen Ji and Wang Yi to do that..." Takasugi was drooling when he said that. "..Now you two, make out..." Wang Yi shrugs, "Hmph, I don't mind."**

**"I don't mind either. How long?"**

**"..You can go longer if you'd like..." He drools more.**

**"Ugh...Just for ten seconds then...I don't want this perv to continue watching."**

**"Fine by me." The two embraced and kissed on the lips while Cao Cao, Guo Jia, Cao Pi, and the rest of the Wei kingdom watched. "...Oohh...Nice..."**

**"Is this cheating...?"**

**"Nah...this is hot..." The two ladies then stopped and walked off away from each other. "Aww...Alright, next one."**

**From Minako the Dragon Maiden of DW**

For Lu Bu: What if I switch Red Hare into a red rabbit like the one in DW parody comic? *nuh-uh, you can't kill me. :P *  
For Xiahou Ba: Why you look like Justin Bieber in DW7?  
For the authors: Among the DW char, which char would suitable to cosplay as Vocaloid? (as many Vocaloids as you think)  
For Lu Xun: I would like to see if you can make a song about fire.

**Lu Bu sees his Red Hare as...well...a red hare. "...Does it run as fast?"**

**"I don't know. Want to try it?" Lu Bu goes outside to ride the red hare and the hare burrows itself underground with him on it. It pops up back at the stage. "Cool! I can sneak attack with this!"**

**"That is a nice pet for Lu Lingqi. But where's the real Red Hare though?" **

**"Mm-hm. Oh well, I can ride this until Red Hare comes back to me."**

**"Why did you have Justin Bieber's hair, Xiahou Ba?"**

**"I don't know. The hair stylist gave it to me. Was it that bad?"**

**"Eeeh...Maybe...Yeah, it was bad. Now you have Zac Efron's hair. Not too bad...At least he's doing fine compared to Bieber. The next one requires the author." **

**I'm not into Vocaloid. All I know is Hatsume Miku and I all that I know is that she carries a leek. Maybe Guan Yinping can dress up as her. I forgot this yellow-haired kid's name, but I think Lu Xun fits the part. But for anime characters, I can think of a lot of people that DW characters can dress up as them, but this isn't really a time to do that though. **

**"Lu Xun is dead...He can't make a song right now...Hm?" A blinking figure appears near him. Then Lu Xun appears after all the blinking. "What do I need to do?"**

**"Oh...I forgot, you guys can respawn. Oh well, make a song about fire."**

**"Ooh, sounds fun." Lu Xun gets a electric guitar and sings this.**

**We didn't start the fire**

**It was always burning**

**Since the world's been turning**

**We didn't start the fire**

**No we didn't**

**But we tried to fight it**

**"You ripped that off! That's was from Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire!"**

**"But it's about fire."**

**"The person said to WRITE one! And that song isn't about fire anyway! Well...most of it wasn't about fire..." **

**"Oh...I can't..."**

**"Try."**

**"Ok..." **

**I want run down a pitch black street **

**Holding a torch**

**Burn everything**

**Bring everything down**

**Throw torches everywhere**

**Flip the tables and shut the door**

**Burn that house**

**Burn that cat**

**Burn that person**

**Give you heartburn**

**"That doesn't make any sense! You're lucky you have a singing voice or else that would have sound a lot worse. And this last one."**

**From Fornia of Ilia**

*Eye twitches slightly at the insult, but retains sadistic smile*

I'm back! Did you guys miss me? 8) Oh, Ma Chao died...maybe I should have dared him to steal her weapons instead...oh well. So, I read that you wanted a dare that would actually embarrass them...I think. I may have one. It's based on a video I watched the other day... *Attaches the collar and leash to Zhong Hui without anyone noticing*

So. Why don't we have the strategists of Wei, Wu, Shu and Jin dance to "Never Gonna Give You Up" (You should have seen this coming) on Just Dance 4? Oh, and the loser...Hmm, the loser gets a temporary Mohawk and has to run 3 laps around the stage in only his boxers! How does that sound?  
So of course, the participants are...Guo Jia (if he's there, otherwise Jia Xu), Zhou Yu (Since Lu Xun has been impaled, sob), Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi! (So that he can be embarrassed.) Oh, they also have to do the flop at the end of the dance too, or you can disqualify them.

And since this is also a Q&A, here's a question for Gan Ning; Why do you always carry those bells around with you?

One more for Yue Jin; if you could become taller, stronger, and/or smarter, would you give up your emotions for that?

Thank you for answering my questions again! By the way, the reason I married Zhong Hui is because he's quite adorable when he's flustered, almost like a tsundere! Sima Yi's the ultimate tsundere, though.  
Anyway, see you guys again! o vo

**"Ooh, nice. I would LOVE to do this, but...we don't have Just Dance 4 or a Kinect. Eh, Kinect sucked anyway. So we're doing this the old-fashioned way." After ten minutes, Guo Jia, Zhou Yu, Zhuge Liang, and Sima Yi were in bedazzled suit jackets of their kingdom color. **

**"...What am I wearing..?"**

**"This doesn't look too bad...I like this shade of dark blue."**

**"At least I'm not wearing a dress..."**

**"This is very cheesy..."**

** "Well...this more fun since you guys will have to do the dances seen in that Rick Astley music video."**

**"Eh..."**

**"Who will be singing? I already know Zhuge Liang and Guo Jia can sing so they dance, but can Zhou Yu and Sima Yi sing? You know what? Just to embarrass him, Sima Yi will be singing."**

**"What?!"**

**"Hey, based on your voice now, I'm guessing you can sing...maybe not... If any of you fail to dance or don't want to, I'm sure you'll look great in a mohawk and wearing nothing but boxers...Or loincloths since you don't wear boxers..." All of them sighed. Takasugi then pushes a button on his remote, and a disco ball appears above the four. "Now, everyone get off the stage so these guys can have their performance!" All characters excluding the four, step off the stage and sit in the seats that were facing it. Izuru came out to set up a microphone near Sima Yi and gives Guo Jia a keytar. "What's this for?"**

**"Play that along with Sima Yi's possibly-awful singing." **

**"Now here are the lyrics."**

**"This is a song about loving someone...?"**

**"You're singing that, and you three provide the chorus. And dance too. Hit it!" The room darkens and the music plays with Guo Jia's playing the keytar. Sima Yi sighs deeply and sings into the microphone with a surprisingly good voice and the three behind him dancing. (Watch the music video and that is what they are dancing. When the font is slanted, it means all four of them are singing. And chorus is when it is light and slanted.)**

**We're no strangers to love**

**You know the rules and so do I **

**A full commitment's what I'm thinking of**

**You wouldn't get this from any other guy**

**I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling**

**Gotta make you understand **

_**Never gonna give **__**you up**_

_**Never gonna **__**let you down **_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie to hurt you**_

**We've known each other **

**for so long**

**Your heart's been aching**

**But you're to shy to say it**

**Inside we both know what's been going on**

**We know the game and w****e're gonna play it**

**And if you ask me how I'm feeling**

**Don't tell me you're too blind to see**

_**Never gonna give you up**_

_**Never gonna let you down**_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna a lie and hurt you **_

**_Never gonna give you up _  
**

**_Never gonna let you down_**

**_Never gonna run around and desert you_**

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you**_

_Oooooohhh..._

_Give you up_

_Oooooohhh_

**Never gonna give**

**Never gonna give**

_Give you up_

_Ooooohhh..._

**Never gonna give**

**Never gonna give**

_Give you up_

**We've known each other **

**For so long**

**Your heart's been aching **

**But you're too shy to say ****it**

**Inside we both know what's been going on**

**We know the game and we're gonna play it**

**I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling**

**Gotta make you understand **

_**Never gonna give you up**_

_**Never gonna let you down**_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you**_

_**Never gonna give you up**_

_**Never gonna let you down**_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you**_

_**Never gonna give you up**_

_**Never gonna let you down**_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry **_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you**_

**The music ends and the stage lights up again. Izuru then asks Takasugi, "Isn't the chorus part in the music video sung by women?"**

**"Ohh, that makes it more funnier then. I learned something today. Sima Yi can sing."**

**"Didn't you hear Sima Yi sing back in the Disney thing?"**

**"Really? It has been so long since I did that I forgotten how he sounded like when he sings. How was that, everyone?" Cao cao, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Sima Shi were sitting at a table and holding up boards. **

**CC:2000 **

**LB:2000 **

**SQ:2000**

**SS:9999999999999999999999999999999 **

**"9999999999999999999999999999999 is NOT a score!"**

**"But Father was a good singer..."**

**"I'm quite aware you can sing better than him, though. You had two image songs, remember?" The four on stage asked,"Can I get out of these clothes?"**

**"Well, you held up your end, yes then. Sima Yi, how'd you think you did?"**

**"I don't know...But what was that song about anyway? Who's "we", "us", and "you"?"**

**"I don't know, ask Rick Astley. But right now I think about it...the lyrics sounded like you were singing them to your wife. Aw...how romantic..." Sima Yi slightly blushed at that statement. "...I was not...! They were also singing it also!" **

**"Yeah...that also...But it's the one singing that really gives the message." Sima Zhao teases, "I didn't know you were thinking of Mother when you were singing that."**

**"...I-I wasn't...!****"**

**"Why are you blushing then? Hmmm?" Zhang Chunhua slightly blushed when Takasugi suggested that. "I've never thought of Sima Yi singing a song to me..."**

**"Maybe...I...was kinda thinking of you..."**

**"That's...pretty nice of you..."**

**"We should do this more often. Next time, I want Sima Yi to sing "Let It Go." from Frozen just for a laugh. Nah, "Samurai Heart." by Spyair. Wait, what about a image song? Man...if they get a new seiyuu for him that can sing, imagine what image song they can give him. Zhuge Liang got one, why not him? I bet it's going to be something about fools and imbeciles. "**

**"I'm not singing anymore."**

**"You said that back at the Disney thing. But here you are. Now, the questions. Gan Ning wears those bells-"**

**"I wear them because I want everyone to know I'm coming to kick their sorry ass! And the smartasses' dancing were so funny-looking!"**

**"What he said. Fun fact, he actually wore bells in history. Last one's for Yue Jin. Would you give up emotions for all the things you wanted?" **

**"I want to achieve that with my own strength! I would not give up my emotions, that would not give me my determination! Also, nice singing voices."**

**"Well, that's it. That was an interesting session. Keep those interesting dares and questions coming!"**

* * *

**I was actually thinking of Sima Yi singing that song to Zhang Chunhua. It was a weird image, but slightly aww-worthy.**

**I actually thought of that song Lu Xun wrote. Not the best one, but decent enough. **

**Yay, someone else knew about San Peng Guo Three Kingdom comics! That's where some of my pictures for fic covers and the one for my avatar came from. Yeah, that steroids-looking Zhuge Liang along with Sima Yi and Zhou Yu were from there. **

**How long are they leaving Sima Yi without a seiyuu? He had only four stages in Xtreme Legends, and he had possibly-recycled dialogue. If they get a new one, maybe if the guy can sing, they can give him an image song. **


	7. Yorozuya troll face Sima Yi FTW

**"It's slow today, but here the questions."**

Finally I thought of some questions (yep, it took awhile) 1. *Pokes Zhu Ran* You don't look well... 2. Xu Zhu: What's your favourite food? 3. Can I have a hug Ling Tong? 4. Sima Yi: Do you miss your sword? 5. Lu Xun: Would you like some firecrackers? *waves firecrackers in front of his face*

**"Zhhuuu Raaaann, ok, buddy?" Takasugi watches as that questioner pokes the half-burned Zhu Ran mannequin. "Yeah, he's fine. Xu Chu, what is your favorite food?" **

**"I like everything!"**

**"How about a vegetable?"**

**"Yeah! That too!"**

**"Well, better than most people today who cringe when they see a carrot. And also, you don't ask permission to hug someone, you just do it. Like this." He goes up to Lian Shi, but get an arrow to the knee. *Rimshot***

**"Ow! Ok, hug Ling Tong."**

**"This is weird..."**

**"Just smile and nod. For that fourth question..." Takasugi slightly snickers and smiles funny. "...Of course he misses his sword...He lost that ever since DW5 came out...Kmph...And he lost tiny bits of it as DW6 and DW7 came out, then DW8, his wife came in, BOOM, he lost his sword for good." Izuru points out,"You're talking about a VERY different sword!"**

**"What are you talking about? I'm stating how his sword disappeared. You think wrong."**

**"You know Sima Yi got a sword in DW2, not in DW5, where he had that voice. Honestly, who's idea was it to give him Pang Tong's voice? I couldn't look at Sima Yi without laughing ever since then." **

**"Ok, ok. THAT sword. So, do you miss it, Sima Yi? That was the only thing that actually separated you and Zhuge Liang." **

**"...Maybe..." (SY's Inner thought bubble: Him getting that sword and stabbing a peon while laughing manically, then onto to Zhuge Liang being stabbed by him.) **

**"Now you have maaaaagiiiieeecc!"**

**"And a whip."**

**"Why do you keep pointing THAT out?!"**

**"It's just...A whip to fight...? That's more like a really kinky woman's moveset..." Sima Yi hears that and goes to a corner in a depressed aura. "...I'm a joke to you now..."**

**"Oh no, see what you've done? You made Yi emo."**

**"He's faking it. Like he does with everything." **

**(Damn it...)**

**"So...he faked orga-"**

**"Don't go there."**

**"Hey, it's possible. But I doubt you could with _her."_**

**"And what's that supposed to mean?"**

**"Well...she's hot...She'll make sure you won't sleep..."**

**"Ugh...no...she's older than your great-great-great-grandmother..."**

**"Hey, if she still looks like a goddess after all those years, I'll do her."**

**"I can still hear you two over there..."**

**"I am not getting into THIS kind of conversation with you." The questioner gets on stage to wave the firecrackers in Lu Xun's face. "...I want it...Firecrackers..."**

**"NO DON'T GIVE THEM TO HIM!" Lu Xun takes them. **

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM **

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**Everything respawns back to their original position on the stage. "Whew! Glad I saved!"**

**"What?! How in the world is this-? Nevermind..." **

**"Sima Yi's still in his little emo corner. Come on, how about we show you that scene where you got shot in the face and gave no f*** about it? YOU BLED! So badass, am I right?" **

**"Xiahou Dun did that idea first. Remember DW1? He pulled out that eye and stuck it in his mouth. So bloody even for 90's graphics." **

**"...How is that going to cheer me up?"**

**"We can have Lu Xun reenact that."**

**"No."**

**"What do you want than?"**

**"I feel so depressed..."**

**"How can YOU be depressed?! This is...the end of the world or something..." **

**"I'll take care of him." Zhang Chunhua drags Sima yi behind a curtain. "Wait! What are you-"**

**"Hey! What are you doing?!"**

**"I want to go look..."**

**"No! Just continue on without looking behind there...HEY! What did just I say?!"**

**"But I want to see what is her method is."**

**"No! Get back here!"**

**"Aw..."**

**"Here's this next one."**

It took me quite a while!

1. Since Ma Chao got impaled, I'll give this to Sima Yi. I dare you to sing the Smile Song from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, while dancing and dressing as a cheerleader pony.

2. To people who had their weapons changed, do you love them or hate them? If you choose the latter, what would you trade for it?

3. For 1 officer from (Shu, Wu, Wei, Jin, Others), create a band! A band that is not cheesy and can actually work! (Any type of band)

4. Hey everyone, remember the 'fighting game' times? You know, PS1?

5. Also to everyone, I have a favor to ask, can you protect this powerful yet very dangerous *fictional* candy for me? If you eat it, you'll turn into a gory sadist while your grin turns stiff, a happy, cheerful theme song can be heard out of nowhere, and worse, pink energy blasts that can lead to destroy the entire planet.

So protect it with your lives.

6. My sister is so... desperate. So desperate that she wants a harem. Could you bring 6 men to be my brother-in-laws? She wants, a Yandere, a cute shota, a loyal good-looking guy, a perverted drunk, a fairy and a Tsundere. (Summons a very large army with cannons and helicopters while riding a tank and pointing them all at Takasugi and Izuru.)

Just in case.

**"...What? Sima Yi's...uh...busy..."**

**"AH! I got that joke! Since they have names that mean horse, My Little Pony is something you can joke with them!"**

**"Well yeah, that. Hmm...Ma Chao, respawn." A blinking figure is in front of Izuru and Ma Chao appears. "Remember people, they're video characters, so they can respawn countlessly. So if they die during this, they just respawn after a chapter." **

**"What? it better not be kissing her again."**

**"Nope. Sing this."**

**I don't even watch My Little Pony...But I keep on seeing it on the Internet and Hot Topic. I do get sick of seeing that at the same time making as many Ma Chao jokes with them. Sima Yi with that is just going to disturb me a lot. ****As much I would LOVE for Sima Yi to do something OCC, but My Little Pony is just something for Ma Chao and Ma Dai for do. Out all of the things I would make Yi do, My Little Pony is not that. It's just too overused for me. I like to think outside the box, like making Sima Yi doing the Yorozuya troll face. Now that's a thought. **

**"I want Yi to do the Yorozuya smile! But he's too busy..."**

**"Ma Chao, get to singing."**

**I don't even know the song...**

**"Then Google it!"**

**Nah... You have the paper there...**

**"...Ma Chao, look at this paper and sing that."**

**"Ok..."**

***4 minutes later* **

**"Am I done?"**

**"Yes. Because SOMEONE was too lazy to look up the song!"**

**I'm like a female Sima Zhao. I'll just blow that thing over and never hear from it again. I don't need you nagging me, Izuru.**

**"Everyone's Sima Zhao these days! That's no excuse! Oh well, who doesn't like their weapon change?" Pang Tong raises his hand,"Yeah, me. I want a bag of rocks."**

**"I like you're trying to be simple here, but the designers don't want that." Sun Quan says out, "Can I change mine's?"**

**"Why?"**

**"You gave me the most basic sword! It's boring compared to everyone else!"**

**"Oh yeah, DW7 had half of the cast having the same sword moveset. You got left that one moveset when the others got unique ones. What do you want?"**

**"The flame sword looks nice..."**

**"That's DLC."**

**"Can I get a broadsword then?"**

**"That's from medieval Europe."**

**"Guo Huai got a machine gun!"**

**"Yeah...about that...We'll think about it. Anyone else?"**

**"I want the bag of rocks."**

**"I know, Pang Tong."**

**"Fa Zheng got a piece of cloth. I wanted that..."**

**"We'll consider that idea for next game characters. Next one...create a band? Um...You choose!"**

**Alright, ok. Vocals will be Sima Shi from Jin, bass is Zhao Yun from Shu, electric guitar is Cao Pi from Wei, and drums is Gan Ning from Wu. Cliche fanservice.**

**"You forgot Other."**

**And Diao Chan can be a backup dancer. **

**"What song?"**

**I'm not a songwriter. So they can do a cover. Here are the sheets. The papers flying down to Izuru. **

**"Alright, get assembled." After a few minutes, the band was on the stage. "Ok, go!" **

***slow guitar playing***

**A spring night by myself**

**As my heavy sighs fade into the monochromatic sky**

**Threw a wave of passers-by**

**with a fixed stare, waiting the whole time**

**Through the cherry blossoms bloom the nights are still chilly**

**I remembered your face**

**Are you well? I feel fine, jokingly waving my hands**

**I later that day, with you take a mutual promise**

***More up-beat***

**As for us, **

**As for us, **

**At that broken moon**

**Searching for our other half**

**If it's possible to divide this loneliness**

**Of course I'd vow once more**

**looking at the rapidly changing townscape,**

**Where are you? What are you doing?**

**As it is living out lives, **

**As it is finding happiness**

**and yet, we're still in pursuit**

**As for us,**

**As for us**

**At that broken moon**

**Searching for our other half**

**If it's possible to divide this loneliness**

**One more time**

**From then,**

**From then, that broken moon**

**Searching for our other half**

**One day...**

**Someday, the blooming Cherry Blossoms **

**Their origins on the full moon **

**Takasugi comments, "Isn't this Spyair's Sakura Mitsutsuki?"**

**I like Spyair.**

**"Now that's done, do any of you remember the DW1 and PS1 days?" Cao Cao says out, "Well, it was just me and my trusted generals. It was ok then but now it's getting crowded. And...Sima Yi happened..."**

**"Ok, we're not getting into that..." Lu Xun says, "I had my hat."****  
**

**"All you remember is your hat?"**

**"I remember shooting Sima Yi."**

**"That was a generic Zhu Ran. Zhu Ran! He's trying to take credit for your arrow!" The Zhu Ran mannequin just stood there. "What about you, Zhou Yu? I'm sure you love to go back there."**

**"Yeah, maybe...I didn't look too girly then."**

**"What about Zhuge Liang? He beats your ass with a fan."**

**"I do not want to be like that really..."**

**"Why not?'**

**"It's too...blocky..."**

**"I met your blocky self, and he punched me without bothering to talk."**

**"Yeah, I remember that." ****A small meteorite falls through the roof, and lands on the stage. "Hm?" Izuru walks up to it to poke it. The top opens to reveal a shiny object. "Yandere" candy? There's a note."**

_** Protect with your very lives.**_

**"It's a piece of candy." Takasugi points out, "Rare candy was just "a piece of candy," and that caused that trainer to puke out Missingno."**

**"Come on, it's candy. It's pink too. I bet it's strawberry or cotton candy."**

**"Let me save first."**

**Saving...**

**"There we go, I dare you to eat it."**

**"Fine." Izuru unwraps the candy and toss it into his mouth. "Hmph, it's strawberry." He swallows it. "See? Nothing happened. Ugh...I feel..."**

**"Here we go." Izuru pukes then regains himself. "Wow. That must have been expired candy! Or too much radiation." **

**"You're still ok..."**

**"What? I told you it's just candy."**

**"But the effects! The world going to be destroyed!"**

**"...That's complete rubbish."**

**"How are you okay?!" Izuru's eyes turn dark,"Look, I can't explain everything to you. I told you, it's a piece of candy."**

**"Ok..."**

**Out in space, pink lasers shot Earth and blew it up. **

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**"See? Told you!"**

**"Hmph. Next one...Create a harem? Ok..." **

**BOOOM Tanks and helicopters blew up the roof of the auditorium they were in. Izuru yells out,"THIS WAS NOT NECESSARY! HOW IN THE WORLD YOU GET THE ENTIRE U.S. MILITARY TO HERE?! Jesus Christ! Can the army even be allowed this?!" All of the machines pointed their weaponry at him. "...I swear..."**

**"Ok, ok... You didn't need to get a whole army here. Author guy, get picking!"**

**Author guy? Fine. Zhong Hui's gone since he got married off to someone few chapters back. Zhang He, you're a fairy. **

**Takasugi gets out angel wings and sticks them behind Zhang He's back. "Check."**

**Yandere? Um... Isn't that for females? I don't think in DW there is one that is male. Get Cao Pi then. Cute shota... Bye, Lu Xun! Loyal good-looking guy is Zhao Yun. Guo Jia is the only one I can describe "perverted drunk" unless you want Pang Tong. Tsundere... Zhong Hui's gone. Sima Yi- Oh wait...He's busy... I can't find anyone else... " **

**"How long is Sima Yi behind there? I'm going over there." Takasugi walks behind the curtain and walks back out. "No."**

**"What?"**

**"No. Just continue. I don't know, is your sister experimenting? I can send Wang Yuanji." **

**"It said specifically men."**

**"Oh...Hm... Zhuge Dan?"**

**"Yeah, it's fine. He blushes."**

**"What are you doing? Starting a high school host club? Because I can see this happening. Guo Jia can be Tamaki."**

**"Bye, guys!" Izuru quickly jams all six into a box and lets a helicopter take it away. "But seriously, what is happening behind there?" Zhang Chunhua walks out from behind the curtain, but she was slightly shaking. "What happened...?"**

**"...I...have...no...idea..."**

**"I've never seen you like this, what did you guys even do?"**

**"I...do...not...know..." Sima Yi walks out from behind the curtain with a normal expression. "I feel better."**

**'What?! You were all Xu Shu-ish back there, now you're back to normal!"**

**"What? Chunhua here comforted me."**

**"In what way?!" Takasugi then hits his palm with his fist. "Ah! I get it! Sima Yi's sword was not missing! It just went into hibernation the whole time!"**

**"Really? Those kinds of jokes?"**

**"Hey, I am not biased on what joke I use.****"**

**"So...I gonna assume Sima Yi managed to get on top..." Zhang Chunhua falls down face first. "Oh no! Is she okay?!"**

**"I may have gone too far..."**

**"MAY HAVE?! I think you-hm?" A paper airplane hits Izuru's face. "Ow! Now what?"**

Hello bros. I'm new here so I'm gonna give you few stuff.  
1)I'm giving you my OC to you permantely till you don't need them anymore,there are relatade to some DW series:  
Xen:Son of Lu bu  
Side:Shu  
Apearence:Black Hair and black eye,wear black jacket and black suit(leather)  
Weapon:Black sword(If you see a the "Elucidaro" from SAO then that what it look like)he sheated on his right side of his butt,LuBu's halbert  
Like:Fight a decent challenged,Ride a horse call shadow rouge and do something dramatic  
Age:15(wow)  
Xe(my favorate OC):Son of Cao Pi  
Side:Wei  
Apearence:He look like Lu Xen Making him a twin rival except his hair,eye and suit are blue(Ironacily)  
Weapon:Dragon sword(Cao Cao's sword lol)that he sheated to his back,Dark repulser(from SAO)  
Like:Scare his little sister with his dragon roar,sing "blue bird" from naruto shippuden(dare him to sing it he's amazing at singing)  
Xel:Fourth son of sun jian  
Side:Wu  
Apearence:All of my OC are twin except his color so..yeah his hair abd eye are red,he wear Heavy armor(wow).  
Weapon:Leo sword(Big Two-Handed sword that is color red)attach to his hip like zhou tai is  
Like:Protecting his people,Teasing shang xiang(the irony)and challenging stronger opponent.  
Xei:Son of Sima Zhao,Future Empero of jin.  
Side:Jin  
Apearence:Not purple but White hair and black eye,pwear purple leather.  
Weapon:Spear that Ma Chao use and a freaking explosive gun.  
Like:Singing,that all.

And that all of my OC(note that all of my OC are 15yrs old)  
2)For Zhou Yun:Your my Favorite charater for fighting againg Lu Bu at hu lao gate in a badass way so I'm giving you the 'Dragonic Moon'.It a spear not a sword.  
3)For All the strongest DW character:I dare you to play a online gane(I let Izuru and the director for it)  
4)For you:I'm giving you the ability to be imube to all gunshot,bazooka,tank,etc. for permantaly.  
And that all of them now I'm gonna go abd read some stuff.

**"...What? OC's? The author doesn't use OC's, well except me and Takasugi. But we're used for certain affairs like this story. We work at Koei, thus we work with the characters on occasion. Overall, she doesn't do that stuff. She likes to do humor and really can't do action, drama, and romance to save her life."**

**Hey! But that is true... I'm sorry, but I gotta do this since I'm such a history buff. It was never recorded that Lu Bu had a son, but a daughter. Cao Pi had many sons, and I am not listing them since they will take so much space. Sun Jian's fourth son was Sun Kuang. Sima Zhao's son that became the future emperor of Jin was Sima Yan. Since I'm a native speaker of Chinese, Xen, Xei, Xel, and Xe are not names in Chinese, but they're unique, I must say. I have no idea what to do with the first thing. Do I make them appear here?**

**"See? She's a bigger nerd than Izuru here."**

**"Hey! We're educated compared to you."**

**"I'm educated as well, but I don't use my head as much as you two." **

**"Alright, but do we take them out here?" **

**"Let me see..." Takasugi presses a few buttons on the portal panel. **

**INSUFFICIENT DATA INPUT**

**"It doesn't work on OC's."**

**"We went through that when we had to inspect the kingdoms' rooms."**

**"That's because it's for Koei usage. We work at Koei, thus we get this chip implanted so the machine doesn't spit us back out. Anyone that works at Koei or owned by Koei can pass through here. OC's aren't owned by Koei."**

**"Oh well..." Zhao Yun gets the sword mentioned in the review. "Oh, thanks. It looks like if you fuse my spear with Guan Yu's Green Dragon."**

**"Play an online game? Ok...how about Counterstrike?" After a few minutes, Lu Bu, Cao cao, Cao Pi, Sun Jian, Sun Ce, Sun Quan, Liu Bei, Liu Shan, Sima Yi, Sima Shi, and Sima Zhao had computers. **

**"We're just putting leaders of the kingdoms for this because the author can't figure out who is the strongest." **

**"What is the objective of this?"**

**"Kill each other." Everyone raised their computers at each other. "No! Not with the computer! You kill each other virtually."**

**"Oh..."**

**Few minutes later...**

**Cao cao smiles evilly when he kills Liu Bei and Sun Jian. "Ha! Got ya! Hey! No, Pi, you killed me!"**

**"It's free-for-all. Aw, Sun Quan killed me." **

**"Take that! Huh? How can Liu Shan kill me?!" **

**"I got lucky I guess-Aw, Sima Zhao...you shot me..."**

**"Hey, just doing what the guy said to do. Aw! Shi!"**

**"You got distracted." Everyone began to groan as their characters began to die quickly. Lu Bu acts in triumph. "Ha! I still kick your asses even on this device!"**

**All except Sima Yi were mad at Lu Bu. Takasugi comments, "AH! What happened to you eyes?!" Sima Yi's eyes were barely blinking and dilated as his fingers flew on the keyboard. "Hello? Are you okay? You need rest...?" Sima Yi talks using the message board. **

_**For some reason, I can't stop.**_

**"What do you mean?!"**

_**I have no idea.**_

**"Just stop your fingers..."**

_**I can't...**_

**"You're killing everyone here along with Lu Bu!"**

**(-_-)**_** I know... **_**:D Mwahahaha!**

**"Why are you using those things?!"**

**(0_0) _What? _**

**_"_You're typing those up while you're keeping a blank face here!"**

**(-_-) _Sorry..._ Takasugi slaps Sima Yi's face. **

**:( _Hey! _**

**"Would you stop talking through the board like that?"**

**(-_-) _I cannot..._**

**"Why are you suddenly acting like this-" Cao cao gets up and points to Sima Yi, "Stop killing me every five seconds!" **

_**Sorry you suck at this. :D**_

**"Why you!" Cao cao jumps onto Sima Yi and throws punches at him. "I'll show you!" **

**"Ok, ok! Cao cao get off of Sima Yi!" Cao cao gets off while Takasugi takes the computer from Sima Yi. "I think you had enough..." Sima Yi just plops onto the ground. "Why is this happening?! Is technology too much for you? Huh, IMBECILE?" Sima Yi stands upright to kick Takasugi in the face. "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU OUT OF ALL PEOPLE!"**

**"Ok...he's back...Ow..."**

**"Hmph. Calling me an imbecile..." Sima Yi kicks a little dust. **

**"Oh well, he's fine. What's the next item on the review?"**

**"The author is immune to gunshots and attacks permanently. She doesn't get shot here, though. But I suppose for protection against fangirls if they squeeze the trigger accidentally. And that's it." **

**"Oh yeah. I forgot. Sima Yi, can you do the Yorozuya smile?"**

**"What is that?"**

**"This." He holds up a picture with Gintoki smiling. **

**"...I'm not going to smile like that...I look like a rapist..."**

**"You already do. Remember DW7?" Takasugi holds up a photo of Sima Yi's "evil" face you see at the ending of Wei's story.**

**"I'm sorry, but the boner hat is making it more silly than evil...kmph..."**

**"I'm not going to do that smile."**

**"Aww..."**

* * *

**I suddenly want to draw Sima Yi with Gintoki's troll face now...**

**I just do not want to watch the My Little Pony video or else my brain cells will shoot themselves. Nor I do not want to lose my sanity.**

**I like Spyair, so I made the band do a cover of one of their songs, Sakura Mitsu Tsuki.**

**Guo Jia is so Tamaki Suoh. He also looks like Kintoki Sakata. (Gintoki's "gold" version.) **


	8. Drink till your liver dies!

**"Hey, Sima Yi. Even though you didn't want to do the Gintama troll face, the author still went ahead to draw you with it. I must say, it's decent. Look up." **

**"...I look funny..."**

**"It's hilarious. Every time I look at that, I smile or snicker." **

**You know what was the hardest part of that drawing? The hat. **

**"Ha! I thought it was the shoulder though."**

**Yeah, also that. It came out a little better than I expected. A bag of papers falls on Takasugi. "Ow!" Izuru takes one out.**

**"These papers are long..."**

**"That's what-"**

**"If you say "that's what she said," I'm going to hit you."**

Hehe, now that was fun. (I don't really care if you're not interested in My Little Pony, I imagined it now.)

1. Reaction to the recent chapter of 'Forcing ancient people to live 2000 years into the future? Oh my!': Wow, so many deaths... Do you even regret it? I mean, I feel bad for Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua for discovering Rule 34... (Wait until they see Rule 63...)

2. To Shu, since you all love the word, 'Benevolence', why won't you make a song or a T-shirt, or even a merchandise out of it?

3. To my brother-in-laws, how's your new wife? I'm sure she can be a crazy slut and she is a Mary Sue who can abuse you by wearing pink outfits and stuff... But at least you're all happy to be with her! Am I right!? *Hugs the brother-in-laws)

4. For the band, can you all make a heavy metal song to support anti-smoking, anti-violence and anti-alcohol? Not that I support or not support any of these things. I'm just interested.

5. *Pokes Zhu Ran* He's so... stiff... Is there something wrong with him?

6. Thanks for not destroying the world! And since you all are so loyal, I need you to protect this blue candy! The power of it is that the user will be so angry for no reason that the user will spit out very mean things that will forever haunt minds. And the user will also physically abuse everyone.

Be safe!**  
**

**Hey, it's Internet, duh. You will find that stuff. But I never actually been bold enough to travel that far. I don't understand why Rule 63 is that bad. Sima Yi already looks female-ish. **

**"Hey!"**

**Just saying. I chose the character deaths out of a hat and make do with that. It's just fate. Stupid assassins are stupid.**

**"We already did make that stuff with benevolence." Liu Bei looks at everyone. "And you did not wear them?"**

**"...Uh..." Ma Chao raises his hand. "I wore it!" **

**"That's it?" Guan Yu and Zhang Fei raise their hands. "We did." Zhao Yun says,"I wore it too, my lord!"**

**"Zhuge Liang?"**

**"Hm?"**

**"Are you wearing it?"**

**(No, I am not.) "Why...yes..."**

**"See? All of you should follow their example." Takasugi whispers to Izuru, "I showed those to Hot Topic people and they just laughed at me."**

**"What color were they?"**

**"Green."**

**"That's why. The brothers-in-law, how is your new wife?"**

**"I was already married."**

**"Well, Cao Pi, you're all we could think of as a person who abuses. So, how was it?" Everyone has the Excalibur face on except Zhang He. "I like the pink outfits!"**

**"Oh, that bad? I can get you guys a divorce lawyer since a woman can't marry six men."**

**"Yes! Get one NOW!"**

**"Next, that band has to make a song that supports anti-smoking, anti-violence and anti-alcohol-" Zhang Fei, Pang Tong, Jia Xiu, Wang Yi, Guo Jia, Gan Ning, Ling Tong, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao yelled out, "NO!"**

**"It's not going to convince you anyway. What? No drinkers in Jin? You're no fun. Sima Yi, I know you drink."**

**"I get it forced down my throat more than me actually wanting to drink." Sima Yi gives a "Yes, you" look to Cao Cao and Guo Jia. **

**"Hey, don't be such a stick in the mud!"**

**"You were just sitting there at the banquet and we thought you need some wine in your system."**

**"You...forced...FIVE jars of wine into me. I couldn't walk straight home! I needed my family to hold me down and take me home while in that state."**

**"You're a really bad drunk though. You basically revealed your family life to the table."**

**"What?"**

**"You said something about your wife's "ginormous" breasts along with your son's "stupid" meatbun obsession, and your other son's " a lazy ass that can barely get his behind out the door."**

**"I said all that...?"**

**"Cao cao was interested into hearing about your wife's chest, but he got you complaining about Zhao being a "lazy ass." ****The three that were mentioned just stared at Sima Yi with a disapproving expression. "So all you think of me is a pair of breasts?"**

**"No, I was too drunk to even stop what I was saying! Of course I do not think of you as...that..."**

**"Mm-hm."**

**"Dad's gonna get the cooouch!"**

**(Shut up, Zhao.) "I was drunk. A bad one."**

**"Alright! Can we stop with the bickering and get the band to write about anti-smoking and anti-violence?" **

**"It's ironic for the anti-violence part. These guys beat up peons everyday."**

**"Ok! Anti-smoking only then!"**

**Do I look like a songwriter to you? **

**"Hey, come up with something."**

**Fine. Here. Papers fall onto the stage. Izuru picks them up to give to the band. "Here, sing this. Play heavy metal. It's when you go crazy with those instruments." Everyone gets off the stage.**

***crazy guitar sounds* Shi screams this out.**

**F*** smoking!**

**It's f***ing bad for your f***ing lungs!**

**You're f***ing killing us with those m********** sticks!**

**Take those f***ing things and**

**THROW THEM ON THE GROUND!**

**F*** off! F*** you! **

**Smoking f***ing sucks!**

**Want to f****ing die?**

**Then take those f****ing things and shove them in your f***ing dumbass mouth!**

**Izuru interrupts the song. "What in the world is that crap?!"**

**"It was on the paper you gave me."**

**"Hey! Author! You wrote THAT?"**

**I said I'm not a songwriter. That is what I can come up with.**

**"We heard more bleeps than actual lyrics!"**

**Hey, the questioner got what she wanted. Anti-smoking. Takasugi sees the questioner poke the Zhu Ran mannequin. "Yep, he's rather stiff today. He just has some muscle cramps. Don't worry. Zhu Ran, you okay?"**

***Takasugi mimicking Zhu Ran's voice to fit mannequin* "Yes, I'm fine! I am tired from today's archery lessons!"**

**"See?" He is given the blue candy. "Domestic abuse candy?" What's this going to do? Abuse my-non-existent wife?"**

**"Now that's really the most offensive joke you have made."**

**"Really? This candy isn't going to destroy the world if someone eats it?"**

**"Hey, it has a side effects label."**

**"It's going to make the user be mean and abusive... Eh. Hey, Xiao Qiao, want some candy?"**

**"Yeah! What flavor?"**

**"Cotton candy, blue raspberry or blueberry." He gives the candy to Xiao Qiao. She eats it happily. "Hey, it's blueberry!" **

**"Let me save."**

**Saving...**

**"There. Let it out." **

**"I don't feel so good..." Xiao Qiao's eyes turn bright red. "RRRRRRRRAAWWWWWWWWR!" **

**"Yep. Painkillers." Takasugi takes out a pill bottle and takes a few pills. Xiao Qiao takes him and uses him as a bat on everyone. "Ya'll m******* need some whup-ass! You m******** are such **************************************************************************" **

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**Takasugi coughs and rubs his side. "Ow... The pain carries over..."**

**"Here's the next one."**

what...i never knew i could get a harem...this... means...WAR! *summons army, navy and 999 assassins* ;) hmmm...its a known fact that bassists are the hottest in the group 90% of the time. Zhao Yun ain't the  
spyair? ehh, the GazettE , Penicillin or Diaura are better ;) *tho somewhat different genre*ahem*some qs and dares for you  
1. Shave the beards of Guan Yu, Zhang Liao , Zhang Jiao. also Sun Ce's goatee and Zhuge Liang's pencil moustache.  
2. hmm why the heck not? Takasugi! draw a French moustache on Lu Lingqi. *smirks*  
3. between Wang Yi, Jia Xu, Zhang Fei, Pang Tong and Cao Cao...who'd win a drinking contest? my money's on Zhang Fei. loser has to eat Pang Tong's bag of rocks. or steal Hijikata's mayonnaise. *giggles*  
4. Sun Shangxiang, have you realised you're getting girlier with each installment?  
5. *hands Xu Shu some ecstasy and *special mushrooms* be happy! now, tell me what you see right now! see any rainbows or unicorns?

**"This is ridiculous. How can you ladies get these specialized troops to work for you? They obviously have better things to do instead of bringing their top soldiers to threaten Takasugi and I."**

**I'm not too picky with bands. I once gotten into GazettE and Diaura for a bit. Spyair and those two are decent in my book. **

**"Hey! Don't just get off-topic!"**

**I can't hold a normal conversation?**

**"Ha... Zhuge Liang has a pencil moustache..."**

**"I at least I have one!"**

**"Well, that's going away. Come here." **

**"Get away!" Zhuge Liang runs from Takasugi who holding a razor. "You're getting rid of that whether you like it or not!"**

**"It's the only thing I have I can use against Sima Yi! He doesn't have one!"**

**"That's because him with facial hair is gross!" Sima Yi eye twitches at that comment. "...Really?"**

**"How about me?"**

**"You're SUPPOSED to have facial hair! It's what makes you Chinese Jesus!"**

**"I thought that was Zhang Jiao!"**

**"Him too! But you're the one looking like Jesus!" Takasugi continues to chase Zhuge Liang around the auditorium. Izuru takes out a razor and goes towards Zhang Jiao. "No! The Heavens shall smite you if you get rid of my holy beard!"**

**"Holy? If facial hair were considered holy, they would have chopped off Jesus' beard after he died and used that as a relic on display in the Catholic Church. It will grow back, or if you want to speed up the time, use Guan Yu's special shampoo."**

**"Can I?" Guan Yu takes out a few bottles. "These should suffice." **

**"So...you don't mind if you shave your beards right now?"**

**"Yes. Give me scissors and that razor." After a while, Zhang Liao, Zhang Jiao, Sun Ce, and Guan Yu had clean shaven faces. Zhuge Liang was still running from Takasugi. "How...can...you...run...this...long...?"**

**"They have no stamina restriction like in Saints Row. I'll do it." Izuru turns on an electric razor and throws it towards Zhuge Liang, swiping quickly at the beard. "AH!"**

**"Oops. Looks like we're going to have to even that out." After a few minutes, Zhuge Liang's face was bare. "You really look like Sima Yi...except with cheekbones."**

**"That's why I needed the beard." **

**"Now what?"**

**"I guess just leave them like that. It also said for you to draw a moustache on Lu Lingqi."**

**"Ok." Takasugi goes up to a mannequin dressed up in Lu Lingqi's clothes. "Hey. I'm just gonna...draw something here..." He takes out a marker and draws the curly moustache on the mannequin's blank face. "There." Lu Bu sees him do that and is confused. "Um...that's not her..."**

**"What are you talking about? It is her." He makes the mannequin talk even though it's just him. "Yes, Father! I'm here!" **

**"No, that's still a plastic person."**

**"How dare you call your daughter plastic! He does not mean that, Lu Lingqi." The mannequin remains still. "Ok, moving on. Drinking contest between Wang yi, Jia Xiu, Zhang Fei, Cao Cao and Pang Tong." Guo Jia says out," Aw...I want to do it..."**

**"No, last time we let you drink a lot, you went to the hospital to get your stomach pumped. Get the wine jars!" About hundreds of wine jars were lined up off the stage. The participants were all sitting in this long table with wine bottles on the table. "Alright, go!" Everyone gets to drinking and drinking and more drinking. Cao cao pukes and falls off the stage and into an empty wine jar, head first. "Who tuuurned ooooff the liiights...?! BLARGH!" The wine jar tips over. "AAAAAH! It's alll oveerr meee!" Jia Xiu turns red and lets his head fall on the table. "Ugh...I feel like I'm in hell..." Pang Tong fell out his chair and went to sleep after he took another drink of his bottle. "Hnrghm...*snores*..." Wang yi keeps drinking along with Zhang Fei. "Hey! You're... pretty...hic...good...Buuuuut no oooone has beeeeaten me yet!" **

**"Leeet's see..." Ten minutes later, they were still going. Izuru comments, "Wow...I'm surprised they didn't get alcohol poisoning yet..."**

**"They have strong stomachs. Or the alcohol goes to Wang Yi's breasts."**

**"If that's true, her kids cannot be breastfed due to her high alcohol content in her breast milk."**

**"You take things too literally." Zhang Fei tries to get one last drop into his mouth, but he pukes and falls down. "...Noooo... Ugh... I don't feel so good..." **

**"So Wang Yi wins?"**

**"Ha! You owe me, Ryujin Mei! You bet on Zhang Fei and he lost!" Wang Yi walks wobbly off the stage and walks towards Sima Yi. "Why is she...Ah!" Sima Yi takes Guo Jia and sets him at his location. "What are you doing?" **

**"Heeey...want to have sex...?"**

**"Ok." Guo Jia walks with Wang Yi behind a curtain. Sima Yi acts in triumph. "Just as planned."**

**"You can play Aizen or Light later. Who lost first?" **

**"Cao cao."**

**"Cao Cao! Can you come here?" Cao cao gets out of the wine jar and walks uncoordinatedly towards Takasugi. "Whaaat?"**

**"Eat these." Takasugi holds up a bag of rocks. "Whaaat arrre they?"**

**"Cheeseburgers."**

**"Mmm...cheeseburgers...Om..." He eats those while in his drunken state. "Does he even know what cheeseburgers are?"**

**"He thought it sounded good. Who doesn't hear cheeseburgers and not drool?" **

**"Well, the next question goes Sun Shang Xiang."**

**"I am? Aw... Is it at least better than DW6?"**

**"Yep. You're just too clingy to Liu Bei. You should divorce his ass and kick Shu butt after he tries to take Yi away from Sun Quan."**

**"Yi? Like that guy?" She points at Sima Yi. "No! The land of Yi! Yi province! I know that name gets passed around a lot, but why would Liu Bei take Sima Yi away from Sun Quan? That does not make sense! Takasugi calls him Yi occasionally, so I guess that's why you got mixed up."**

**"It's really hard to tell if your talking about a person or a piece of land when they sometimes share names." Xu Shu swallows the ecstasy and mushrooms. "...Ugh...My stomach..." He collapses. Izuru takes some of the mushrooms and examines them. "These are not psychedelic mushrooms...they are your typical poisonous mushrooms... And he had a drug overdose from the ecstasy. You gave him too much."**

**"How would you know what is the difference between shrooms and poison shrooms? You tried some?"**

**"No. I was taught which mushrooms were edible from a bio class. They even told which ones were psychedelic." **

**"I actually thought you would have tried some."**

**"I'm not taking that risk. That's why I don't eat mushrooms."**

**"Let me see another paper." **

Ok, here I come.

1. *brings out a wand and makes Zhu Ran alive* Zhu Ran, you're no longer a mannequin and you may take any revenge against them if you want. 3

2. *gives some wines and torches to Lu Xun* I dare you drunk-dance and hold the torch.

3. What if DW char hold some parody DLC weapons? (I forgot if they have but I swear there're some pardoy weapons)

4. Wen Yang...MARRY ME! MARRY ME! MARRY ME! *acts like !Yandere Belarus from Hetalia*

**"What are trying to do? Make a DW version of Pinocchio? That is Zhu Ran." The mannequin remains. "Oh well, get me some of that leftover wine and-OH NO. I'm not doing that!" Izuru already has a torch and a few wine bottles. "Come on, what's so bad? Come here, Lu Xun, drink." **

**"What are you doing?! Are you trying to kill yourself?!"**

**"I want a show." Lu Xun chugs the bottles and get hold of the torch. "I...F-For my next trick...I will make a flamethrower..."**

**"See?!" Lu Xun takes the torch and sets it near his mouth, then burps loudly, making a fireball fly close to Takasugi. "AH!" He steps on it to put it out. "Ok, you're done!" Lu Xun takes the torch to his behind and farts, making a very large stream of fire go to Takasugi. "AAH! It smells!" He is left with his face covered in soot. "Ok... that's it."**

**"I'm Suuper Mariooo!" Lu Xun takes the torch and burps fireballs at Takasugi, who constantly dodges. "Hey! Stop! Lu Xun! Lu Meng, stop your boy!" Lu Meng goes over to Lu Xun and puts out the flame. "Aww..."**

**"Now that's done-" He sees Izuru laughing at him. "Don't you laugh at me! This is why you were not bothered by giving Lu Xun the things!"**

**"I'm sorry... but...Hahaha! He farted flames in your face!"**

**"I'll do it to you with this lighter!" He tries to flick his lighter, but nothing sparks. "Oh fine... Next one... I got an idea." Takasugi drags a giant knife sword and gives it to Guan Ping. "There, you're Ichigo now. Now who else can I give a parody weapon to? Ah!" He takes out a wooden sword and gives it to Sima Zhao. "You have Gintoki's bokuto." **

**"...Why does it say Lake Toya?"**

** "Gintoki said he bought it from on a class trip or something."**

**"This sword is weird. It's like a giant dropped his chef's knife."**

**"Yeah, the design for Ichigo's sword is like that."**

**"Here's this for Zhang He." He gives him these octopus-looking claws that Noh from Samurai Warriors uses. "These look so tasteless! What are they?"**

**"Claws...?"**

**"They are crooked..."**

**"I would have given that to Zhang Chunhua, but she'll think I'm implying something. Actually, she and Noh have some similarities... Or she goes with Zhen Ji... I don't know." He goes somewhere else to get a whip and gives it to Sima Yi. "Here."**

**"That's a whip."**

**"Yeah, your weapon."**

**"...I'm not into that..."**

**"Well, it's yours. I can't come up with anymore. Ah." He goes again to drag a boat out. "Xiahou Ba, this is yours."**

**"That's a boat!"**

**"Yeah, your siege spear's like this size. For that last one, Wen Yang's already married unless he converts to Mormonism. Or divorce the first wife. Or kill her. Your choice. Next."**

people ENOUGH with the, Will you marry me? s***,

bringing the good Questions 1) Zhou Yu do you like being Xiao Qiao's wife.  
2) I just want to say this to Liu Shan or Liu Chan what ever you call yourself "You SUCK" *Punches him in the face*, and Takasugi tells everyone from Shu to stay back and me and Liu Shan have a fight,... you can decide the winner but make it good.

ohh and can you make all the DW Females be impressed because Im am fighting.

**"Ooooohhh! Zhou Yu! He or she called you the wife! Hahahaha! Huh?" A paper airplane flies to him. **

opps! I meant Husband on the first question.

**"Oh... Well, that would have been funnier if that weren't a mistake... So, do you like Xiao Qiao, Zhou Yu?"**

**"Yes, why would I be displeased with her?" (I DON'T GET SEX BECAUSE SHE'S TOO F***ING YOUNG!)**

**"See? He's fine. That next one is rather..." **

**"He wants to fight with Liu Shan. Yes, I figured it out it's a guy due to the writing style and language. What do you have against him? DW Liu Shan has no relation to ROTK and historical Liu Shan. He already verbally abuses himself, why are you picking on him?"**

**I'm not doing that fighting thing. The ladies would not approve of you picking on him anyway. Liu Shan may be a bad ruler, but that's because he was too weak and let corrupt d*ckwads like Huang Hao and Chen Zhi, and really awful generals like Jiang Wei run the Shu stuff. He was too aloof and refused to listen to criticism about those d*cks. But at least he wasn't a tyrant, and hating on an already dead guy is kinda dumb. What do you want to do? Go back in time to stop Liu Shan from signing the papers for surrender? Maybe it's more wise if you slapped him in the face and say his officials are dumbasses and fire them and get his better guys in there. Now that would change something, but we do not have that technology. The past is in the past. Koei Liu Shan is enjoying for me since he was what his father did not do. He was ACTUALLY BENEVOLENT. He surrendered because Deng Ai had Shu at knifepoint and anymore resistance would have let the people get killed or hurt. He was willing to sacrifice the country for his people. That's something Liu Bei could not do. His brother dies, and boom. He sends the soldiers on his ally Wu and that caused millions of deaths. And for what? For some guy he just met at a bar and sworn brotherhood on? Phht. I would let Guan Yu and Zhang Fei die if that's the case. I know I'm getting a little off, but Liu Shan doesn't need all that hate. So, no, I'm not letting him get beat-up by the fellow that wanted to do so. Also, I do not mind the ladies asking wanting to be married to the guys. I can make more humor out of that.**

**"That was pretty long. Oh well."**

**"I like Liu Shan's fur coat. I want to wear it. Looks like it could make you look like a pimp."**

**"You really making serious moods into informal ones, do you?"**

**"Hey, if I don't do that. Your lives would be dryer than the Sahara Desert." **

**"I suppose. Next one."**

OH my! Are you okay, Chunhua? Need any help? Xiao, can I gibe you a friendly hug?! You are totally cute! Zhou Yu, you better keep a good eye on my cute Xiao! This might be a silly request but...I want Sima Yi to kiss his wife. Who would win in a fight, Lu. Bu or Ayane from ninja gaiden?

**"She's fine. But when we checked her heartbeat, it was 130 beats per second. I thought she was going to get a heart attack. And that makes me wonder... How old is she? Usually middle-aged women and older have heart attacks. A young woman having it is rare. "**

**"It is impolite to ask a woman on her age. And what ever Yi did, it is making fangirls drool since the result was right there."**

**"Look who's talking, pervert. And what are you implying?"**

**"I'm a feminist. Sima Yi may have... a certain thing?"**

**"No, you're not. You're a perv. How would you know about Sima Yi's certain thing?"****  
**

**"Remember when Saints Row Zhuge Liang hit him in the kintama?"**

**"Oh, that? What?"**

**"You made me...put...his...kintama...back...on...when those golden things fell off..."**

**"Oh yeah. I forgot about that."**

**"Wait, what?"**

** "Sima Yi doesn't remember that." Takasugi yells out, "You had your kintama come off because SR Zhuge Liang punched them so hard, they fell off!"**

**"What's a kintama?"**

**"Your thingy-mi-gig. Your family jewels. The baby maker." **

**"We do not need you saying the many synonyms for "there!"**

**"Well, he almost was left with one of them. Because Zhao stepped on one of them."**

**"Wait... WHAT?!"**

**"It's a long story. But we can say this. You lost your balls for a few minutes... Hahah! That's funny when you say it that way!" ****Every guy in the room snickered and began to laugh. Cao cao then jokes, "I didn't you were an eunuch, Sima Yi." He snickers. **

**"...What? I don't even..."**

**"When your kintama fell off, Zhao came running and stepped on one, not knowing it was yours."**

**"Wait... that gold ball I found...was Father's thingy...? UGH! I eat with this hand! I need to wash this off NOW!" Sima Zhao runs off the stage and into the bathroom.**

**"Sorry we had to ruin that for you... Anyway... I had to pick...them...up...and...stick...them..back...on..."**

**"UGH! YOU TOUCHED ME?!"**

**"Yeah...I'm not proud of that... But now I know why your wife can put up with you."**

** "...Ugh...I'm going to go..." Sima Yi runs into the bathroom. **

**"But that was pretty funny watching you get disgusted."**

**"You were not the one that had to suffer that! You made me do it!"**

**"Hey, I'm not touching him. You've seen his desk and bedroom from the time you had to inspect Jin."**

**"UGH! I touched that?!" Takasugi also runs into the bathroom. Izuru continues,****"Oh well, hug Xiao Qiao and Zhou Yu, you take of her...yab-ba...yab-ba..."**

**'Yes, I will..." (Because I can't do anything else with her, can I?!)**

**"Next thing...didn't Sima Yi do that few chapters back? There was a dare that Sima Yi was to kiss Zhang Chunhua like it was Paris or something. Oh well, Sima Yi, do it again." Takasugi, Sima Yi, and Sima Zhao walk out of the bathroom. "Ugh...got that out of system... Don't get close to me!"**

**"Sorry! Your son is a giant! It's hard to be squeezed with him!"**

**"Ugh...I don't think I used enough soap...I'm going back!" Sima Zhao runs back to the restroom. "Well, you're back. This questioner said to kiss your wife, Sima Yi."**

**"Didn't I do that a while ago?"**

**"Eh, you could do it again."**

**"...I don't think she would approve of that..."**

**"Why?"**

**"I just puked in the facility..."**

**"Oh... Then just kiss her on the cheek or something. Wait, did you hear?" **

**"Hear what?"**

**"Yeah, you could go do that." Sima Yi goes to Zhang Chunhua and kisses her on the cheek. "There."**

**"I was wondering, did you hear our conversation?"**

**"What?"**

**"Nothing." (If I tell her about that...that's not going to be pretty...)**

**"Next is Lu Bu versus Ayame? Which Ayame?"**

**"From Ninja Gaiden."**

**"Oh, I thought the purple-haired girl from Gintama. She had those cool glasses that defeated all those ninjas." **

**"That's...no... So, who would win? Hm... I've never played the Ninja Gaiden series though..."**

**I do not know. And Lu Bu would maybe not go easy on her. Ninja versus warrior, I'm guessing the ninja. Ninjas can use dirty techniques to trip even the best warrior. Or Lu Bu can just Lu-Bu up with the red aura and take her out in one shot. I don't know. Lu Bu can win if he prevents Ayame from using the ninja stuff. Ayame could win if she just use ninja stuff on Lu Bu. **

**"There. Is there more?"**

**"No."**

**"Oh well. I'm still thinking of Yi with the Yorozuya smile. Knph...He just looks so funny..." Wang yi walks out from behind the curtain with a shaking Guo Jia. "...I feel violated..."**

**"You agreed to it."**

**"I didn't know she was going to..."**

**"Hey, shut it."**

**"Y-Yes..." Cao cao walked up to Izuru with broken teeth. "Hey...those cheeseburgers tasted s****! I want tacos!"**

**"...You need a dentist...How do you know what tacos are anyway?"**

**"Jack in the Box."**

**"How would you know what Jack in the Box is?"**

**"You dropped some coupons from there." **

**"...What?"**

**"It was in that guy's wallet."**

**"Oh that again..."**

* * *

**I'm actually enjoying that picture of Sima Yi smiling like Gintoki. Creepy, but funny. Someone with video editing skills make that Gintama opening with DW characters. The one where the three make that Yorozuya face. **

**Mormonism is a religion. What is so unique is that it lets men marry more than one woman.**

**Zhuge Liang does look like Jesus. I tend to make a lot of Jesus jokes with him. **

**Sima Yi getting hit in the kintama? That's a whole another story found in my profile.**

**Lu Xun farting that flame is based on a Family Guy scene. **

**Again with Lu Lingqi and Zhu Ran being mannequins. I've only heard of them being in the recent Xtreme Legends, and I am not aware of their personalities, thus why they are mannequins. **

**Now if you excuse me, let me go roll around in a blanket to get myself to stop flustering about how many chapters this got.**


	9. Eating contests and Bleach

**"Ok, here's some more."**

I hav some dares! 1) Takasugi draw a mousyache on sima Yi 2) Sima Shi and sima zhao have to look at rule 34 versions of their parents on the internet 3) I found your parents sex tape also you have to watch it 4) xiahou Ba here's a cookie 5) jia chong dress up as ullquiorra from bleach That's it!

**"Ok, Sima Yi, come here."**

**"Why?"**

**"Just come here."**

**"You can tell me from there."**

**"Just get your stubborn ass here!"**

**"I'm staying here."**

**"Fine, we'll play it that way." Takasugi takes out a marker and walks up to Sima Yi. He steps away from him. Takasugi goes to where Sima Yi was, but he keeps moving away from. Takasugi gets angry and raises two fingers."Bakudo number 1, Sai!" Sima Yi's hands go behind him and he falls like that. "Ah! What sorcery is this?!"**** Izuru yells at him, "You can't do that!"**

**"Why the heck not?"**

**"Well...you're ripping off that famous scene where Rukia uses that spell and drew a curly moustache on Ichigo."**

**"I'm not ripping it off! It's called parodying. Look it up."**

**"How are you able to use it anyway?!"**

**"This is FanFiction, anything is possible."**

**"I-I...ugh...forget it..." **

**"I'm going to copy that curly moustache Rukia drew on Ichigo!" Takasugi gets down to draw the moustache on Sima Yi. "AHH! What did you do?!"**

**"I drew a moustache."**

**"That's not the curly moustache that Rukia drew... That's the Pringles man moustache..."**

**"Eh, I still drew something. How about I put something else?" Takasugi goes down again to write "I'm an imbecile" on Sima Yi's forehead. "Kmph..."**

**"What?"**

**"Nothing. I have to show Shi and Zhao that stuff? Let me go to my computer..." **

**"You're not even thinking about this?!"**

**"What? There's Rule 34 them too. But the paper said to show their parents and that is what I am going to do."**

**"You just happen to have them Rule 34-ed?"**

**"Yes."**

**"I don't know if I have said this, but I'm going to say it again: You're disgusting."**

**"You said multiple times, but I'm not bothered. Alright, here we go." Takasugi holds up his laptop in front of Sima Shi and Sima Zhao. "AHHHHH! What the heck?!"**

**"Is that...OH MY GOD!"**

**"Behold, how you two were made."**

**"Hey, we can't say that!"**

**"It's how babies are born. Did you not pay attention in health class?"**

**"You did not need to point that out!"**

**"How long am I supposed to hold this up?" He turns to see Sima Shi and Sima Zhao with their mouths wide open. "Let me...change the slide..." He presses a button and the two turned red. "...Oh...Um..."**

**"Is it bad if I got a boner...?"**

**"...Not really...Your parents look like your age, I wouldn't blame you."**

**"That's an awful lesson you're teaching people here! It's not appropriate for a boy to get a stiffy from their parents having intercourse!"**

**"Hey, if my parents were ageless and looked like college students, I would have gotten a boner from their sex."**

**"Ugh! We're turning this into M-rated stuff!"**

**"Don't be the FCC on me. Let me go to the next slide..." **

**"Whoa! Now I know what is happening behind their bedroom door!"**

**"...Uhhhhh..." Zhang chunhua goes to take the laptop from Takasugi and bashes him with it. "OOOOW! I'm surprised you didn't stop me from before..." **

**"That was before I knew what you were showing to them! That stuff is only between me and my spouse!"**

**"I'm sorry...but...it's really hard to not think dirty..."**

**"Why?"**

**"Heeello? I know you guys weren't Christian, so you don't believe in the stork giving you babies. You had to do it the old-fashioned way and you guys were possibly Confucian. And since Confucius was basically a Chinese Captain Obvious..." Takasugi appears in robes with a fake goatee and talked in a stereotypical Asian accent. "You want baby? Have sex!" He returns to his normal clothing.**

** "...That's...not really...ugh...****And how would you know if we did have intercourse?" Takasugi goes to point at Sima Shi. "Exhibit A." He points at Sima Zhao. "Exhibit B." **

**"So?"**

**"You know...that...when you get...aroused...that leads to-"**

**"Stop saying those things!"**

**"I was just being blunt. Sex makes kids, simple."**

**"Ugh...The next one..."**

**"That questioner doesn't need to give me their sex tape. I already have one." Izuru yells at him, "How in the world you get their sex tape?! How do they have one anyway?"**

**"We have cameras in DW China, how do you think we got the most memorable events on screen? You don't know we set up the cameras. I also happened to have Lian Shi's, Zhen Ji's, Zhu Rong's, Diao Chan's, and basically all of the mature women's sex tapes. "**

**"What?! I'm shocked how do you-"**

**"Koei has everything they do, we just don't release them into the public. So, Shi, Zhao go into that room for a bit." After a few minutes, he leaves them inside. "Now that's done, Xiahou Ba, did you get the cookie?"**

**"Yes, what am I supposed to do with it? Eat it?"**

**"Yeah, I guess..." Xiahou Ba takes a bite of the cookie. The earth blows up.**

**BBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!**

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**"The cookie made everything explode...really?"**

**"Told ya, this is not supposed to make sense."**

**"But this is ridiculous!" **

**"Jia Chong, dress up in-Wait, what form? Default form, released form, or his second released form? Ah, I'll give him the normal one." Jia Chong after a few minutes was wearing the robe that Ullquiorra wears normally. "Oh, the helmet." Takasugi gets the mask fragment and sticks it on Jia Chong's head. "And let me add this..." He draws green lines coming down from Jia Chong's eyes. "...What are doing to me...?"**

**"You really look like Ulquiorra when I mess around with your features. Just cool it on the smiling, Ulquiorra does not smile."**

**"Mmph..."**

**"Oh, let's see the two boys and what happened to them." Takasugi goes to open the door and Sima Shi and Sima Zhao walked out. Sima Shi had widen eyes with drool unwittingly flowing from his closed mouth and Sima Zhao was overall shocked. "...I...I... Now everytime I see their door...uhhhgh..."**

**"..."**

**"I see Shi drooling..."**

**"What?! I'm not drooling!"**

**"What is that line going from your mouth to your chin?"**

**"Nothing!" Takasugi gets his badly beaten laptop. "It still works. Give me a minute." After a few minutes, Takasugi puts a disc in the tray. "Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Yep, got that. Oh, he likes to do that. Getting a little touchy, aren't we? Whoa! I did not know she could do that! And that. And that. AND THAT! ...Oh boy! I didn't know he goes up there! He could do THAT? OH, HELL-O! Whooooa! This is hot! Oh my god- BLEEP"**

**Izuru gets out a bleeping machine to censor out all of the words that come out next. "You already saying too much..."**

**"But-BLEEP This is-BLEEP I didn't know-BLEEP S-BLEEP I didn't know S-BLEEP S-BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP I'm so-BLEEEEEEP H-BLEEP This is very-BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" The screen turns to static. **

**PLEASE STAND BY**

**Takasugi has the laptop broken over his head and was lying on the ground. "I didn't know you were so vulgar when you describe what you see..." **

**"Honesty..."**

**"There are times when you give too much info out! Oh, I forgot about the next question."**

Back again! *drags Zhong Hui back again* That was some nice singing, Sima Yi; I hope you don't die soon, by the way!

I'll try to keep this short today, so...I had a thought...what would Li Dian look in a maid dress...

OMG. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that! *sobs, hands him some cookies* Don't worry, I won't make you wear it! (Even though he would look amazing in it. :Uc)

Because Sima Zhao is my favourite character in the series...let's have Wang Yuanji sing "Adore You" by Miley Cyrus, just for him! *heart emoticon here*

Also...*smiles at Zhang Bao and Guan Xing with a smile fit for a yaoi fangirl* How about you two play 'The Pocky Game'? Oh right, once you reach the center, you have to make out for at least 30 seconds. :3c Nobody can pull you away, and you can't stop in the middle. *throws a pack of chocolate pocky at Zhang Bao*Also, it must be in view of everyone, ESPECIALLY your family. Yeah. I so went there. ;3 If not, I'll taze you both. :Uc

Oh yeah, a question; Yuan Shao, would you rather lose your money or the prestige of your name?

Lastly, since today is my date of birth, Sima Shi, give me a kiss, or get tazed. *pulls out a tazer*  
See you guys again! o vo

**"What maid thing? Nom." Li Dian eats the cookies on the plate he got.**

**"...Miley Cyrus...? That's so poor in taste..."**

**"The author made Justin Bieber jokes back in another story, this is nothing." **

**But I don't want to go look up the video...**

**"Just look up the lyrics."**

**Oh, seems easy. Give me a minute...Here it is. The papers drop in front of Izuru and he shows them to Sima Zhao. "Who sings this?"**

**"This woman." Izuru turns on a projector that shows Miley Cyrus. "...I meant who is going to sing it?"**

**"You."**

**"...Eeeh...No...That lady...eh...I just don't know..."**

**"What would you like in return?"**

**"One day of going back home and sleep and just blow off the whole thing?"**

**"...Fine...****" Sima Zhao holds a microphone and sings to Wang yuanji. Izuru and Takasugi put in earplugs. "Hey, Sima Zhao is good at singing, he might make the song better-"**

**"No. I do not want to listen to this rubbish or my IQ will drop by 20 points."**

**"Come-"**

**"No."**

Oh, hey, oh

Baby, baby, are you listening?  
Wondering where you've been all my life  
I just started living  
Oh, baby, are you listening?

When you say you love me  
Know I love you more  
And when you say you need me  
Know I need you more  
Boy, I adore you, I adore you

Baby, can you hear me?  
When I'm crying out for you  
I'm scared oh, so scared  
But when you're near me  
I feel like I'm standing with an army  
Of men armed with weapons, hey, oh

When you say you love me  
Know I love you more  
And when you say you need me  
Know I need you more  
Boy, I adore you, I adore you

I love lying next to you  
I could do this for eternity  
You and me—we're meant to be  
In holy matrimony  
God knew exactly what he was doing  
When he led me to you

When you say you love me  
Know I love you more (I love you more)  
And when you say you need me  
Know I need you more  
Boy, I adore you, I adore you

When you say you love me  
Know I love you more  
And when you say you need me  
Know I need you more  
Boy, I adore you, I adore you

**Sima Zhao drops the microphone and hops into the portal. "Yeah! Worth it! I get free nap time!" **

**"You can remove your earplugs."**

**"Ok, what's next?"**

**"Zhang Bao and Guan Xing have to eat Pocky Lady-and-the-Tramp style."**

**"...Alright..." Takasugi gets the pack and gives one to Zhang bao. "Here. We have to do fanservice occasionally, so get on it."**

**"What do I have to do?"**

**"You and Xing have to eat this on both sides and if you get to the end, you have to make out." **

**"...Uh...ok..." Zhang Bao and Guan Xing reluctantly put their mouths on either side and ate the sides. Right when they were just only halfway, it snaps. "It broke."**

**"Do it again." They try again only for it to snap as they get halfway. "It broke."**

**"Do it again." They continue to break every stick until Takasugi runs out. "...No more..." Izuru looks at the box. "Let me see that." He gets the box. "...This is not Pocky...This is Lucky Stick."**

**"So?"**

**"Lucky Stick is a "different" version of Pocky you find in Asian supermarkets. You may see these two sitting right next to each other. But what happened to the Pocky pack the questioner threw at Zhang bao?" **

**"...I ate it..."**

**"It's not the Pocky Game without the Pocky!"**

**"They're frickin' chocolate-covered sticks! What's the big difference?"**

**"Pocky is favored because of its debut in multiple otaku-related things."**

**"You're an otaku, you would know."**

**"You point that out like if it were a bad thing."**

**"You look like a popular guy, but once you get under that, you're a nerd."**

**"Do you have more of these pastries? They taste good."**

**"I'm not going out to just grab a pack of Pocky or Lucky Stick or whatever cookie sticks you want. How about some Yan Yan?"**

**"How are they going to eat that...?"**

**"Dip one of those sticks into the chocolate stuff and boom. You got instant Pocky."**

**"The questioner said she was going to tase the two if they don't do it."**

**"...Let me think of something..." Takasugi looks at Sima Yi for a minute and looks at his hat. "Ah-ha!" He goes over to take out the stick out of the hat and runs back. "Here, chew on this."**

**"That's not even edible! You're just making a big joke out of this, huh?"**

**"Fine, you want something edible..." He tosses the stick away. Sima Yi gets mad at him. "Hey! Put that back in my hat!"**

**"You're not going to miss it... Where's that cookie Xiahou Ba left?" **

**"There." He sees the cookie lying on the floor. He goes to pick it up an goes over to Guan Xing. "Here." Izuru comments,"That was on the ground for a long time!"**

**"It's called the 2000 second rule. Eat this."**

**"...I saw you pick it up from the ground."**

**"No, that a prop. This is the real thing, eat it and make out." **

** "...Eeh...I'll pass..." Zhang bao walks away from him and Guan Xing goes in a different direction. "We lost them..." He tosses the cookie over his shoulder.**** "Next question goes to Yuan Shao, would you lose all your money or your name?"**

**"None."**

**"That's not an option."**

**"My money. If I can still have my name, I'll get it back."**

**"Mm-hm. Happy very very late birthday, Sima Shi, kiss the girl." **

**"Where is she?"**

**"Here." Takasugi sets a mannequin with the reviewer's avatar taped on the face. "...Uh..."**

**"Pretend it's a real girl." Sima Shi goes to kiss the mannequin while holding a weirded-out face. "...This is the most illogical thing I have ever done..."**

**"Besides having a thing for your parents?"**

**"Those pictures are lying to you! I never had such feelings for those two! I love them as my parents!"**

**"Sure. I'm sorry, but those arts are very convincing..."**

**"They are lying to you!"**

**"I try telling myself that...but it's not working... You're more likely to be jammed with a guy than a woman based on these things...Last paper for today." **

Ouch, Daddy Guan... Are you alright? Zhuge Liang too... and Zhang Liao too .  
Okay, prepare yourselves everyone for my absolute abuse, espcially the Shu people.  
1 Okay, I have no intention of getting married, but if I may ask you, all Shu single men, what is your type of woman?  
2 All guys, go and sing a song from AKB48! (Teehee... Um, just don't ask Dong Zhuo to do this, for goddamn sake)  
3 Yinping, Xingcai and Bao Sanniang, make a parody of a certain moe anime you've ever seen.  
The next few dares will be contests, and each kingdom has to send one representative. It should be different people in different contests. Losing (being in the last place)shall affect the whole kingdom, so choose wisely. Oh, the Others section should be a group in this case.  
3 The first one needs you guys (yes, G.U.Y.S) to crossdress! owo As expected, everyone in the losing kingdom should crossdress... The guys only, in sweet lolita  
4 Then for the girls, you are going to an eating contest. I got 10 baozis, a large portion of peking duck, a plate of pizza, 5 onigiris with wasabi inside, and two pails of chocolate ice cream. All you have to do is race and get one of them, then finish it all up. As for the losers... Hmm... Maybe cooking a huge apple pie, Titan-sized? Yes, it's for a Titan...  
5 Finally, the last one is... You know, from Harvest Moon. Pick 5 people this time, and go on a tomato fight!  
And... as this caused a large mess, I want the losers to clean the whole stage up, all in maid costume. Uh, the girls wear butler costumes...

And... Continue the epicness, Author! \(o)/

**"What is all of the single Shu men's...Oh...this is going to take a while...Let's go do this while having "A Girl Worth Fighting for" playing."**

**Zhao Yun: My girl worth fighting for is-**

**"Zhao Yun, you don't actually sing it."**

**"Oh, okay."  
**

**Zhao Yun: A woman that can keep up with my strength. **

**Zhang Fei: My age and strong stomach for wine.**

**Guan Yu: A woman for me? Hm...if she can be noble as me, I can see myself with her.**

**Ma Chao: Wonder Woman.**

**"That's a superhero."**

**"I like her."**

**Huang Zhong: I'm too old for that stuff...**

**Ma Dai: I want the girl to be able to paint with me!**

**Jiang Wei: A woman who can help with ben-BLEEP**

**"That wasn't a swear!"**

**"I grew sick of that word thanks Ma Chao."**

**Pang Tong: Zzzzzzzzz...**

**Wei Yan: Pretty...lady...**

**Guan Ping: W-What? Asking on that...? Um...? I can't say...**

**Guan Xing: Someone that I can trust.**

**Zhang Bao: A girl that can spar with me!**

**Xu Shu: *in corner* I don't know... "Swirls the ground with finger***

**"Well, there you have it."**

**What's AKB48? **

**"I don't know. Sounds like a radio station."**

**Let me look it up... Um...it's a pop band made of over 80 members... I have no idea who they are... **

**"Can we just skip that?"**

**Eh...I don't want to seem rude...**

**"Look, we can't do something you just learned in just 30 seconds. Next, Guan Yinping, Xing Cai, and Bao Sanniang do a moe anime. Izuru, you're an otaku, you should know how to do this." **

**"I'm not into that..."**

**"You should know what it is, no?"**

**"Not really..."**

**"What kind of otaku are you?"**

**"I'm...complicated..."**

**"Whatever. I'll do something stereotypical. Girls get into the dresses I have for you in the back." After a few minutes, the three were in frilly dresses with their hair put up in ponytails on either side. I have no idea what do you call moe... I'm just into full-blown action or comedy anime, so I don't see that stuff. Maybe a few times when comedies make fun of it occasionally. **

**"Eh...what are we doing in these?"**

**"This is so cute!"**

**"I'm going to kill you..."**

**"Now, now, kill the person who suggested this-"**

**"You gave me this dress."**

**"Oh, well. I did that because I have no idea what can you call moe. I thought it was this."**

**"What exactly they're supposed to do?"**

**"Just put some editing and bingo, you got a show. Cue the glitter and sparkles!" Takasugi pulls a rope next to him and glitter poured onto the three. "What the-" **

***insert stereotypical cutesy music***

**The three giggled while just posing in cute poses. Xing Cai's laughing wasn't the most enthusiastic. **

***insert bubbles and more sparkles***

**"Go, Shu Power Girls!" They all float up and glow into sailor outfits. Izuru talks during the segment,"This is becoming more magical girl than moe!"**

**"I'm glad I wear sunglasses or I would have gone blind from all this brightness."**

**"This is pure-"  
**

**"Remember, nothing makes sense here."**

**"...Hwuu... The next one is a contest with reps from each kingdom. Does the author make up a random contest? Because you didn't really state on the contest and just put the punishment. ****I don't know... Make the guys wear loltia? Um...that is a lot...I need Takasugi's phone."**

**"Why?"**

**"You seem to be able to alter the characters on it." Izuru gets the phone and presses a few buttons. Every male was in a loltia dress of their kingdom color. All gasped or is displeased except Zhang He.**

**"...Eh..."**

**"It's a trap! And the one Xiahou Dun's wearing makes him look like an older Ciel back when he had to put on that dress."**

**"His eyepatch is on his right, Ciel's is on his left."**

**"Why did you do this anyway?"**

**"I'm confused on the request. Do I make up a contest of just make everyone here put on a dress? I chose the second one."**

**"You're really lazy..."**

**"Yes, now the girls have to pig themselves out in an eating contest... What? Oh well. Get all the guys off here." After twenty minutes, a long table is set with the food on top in front of the women. "...Uh..."**

**"Yeah...lady-like manners have to go out the window..." **

**"Okay!" Xiao Qiao, Guan Yinping, Bao Sanniang, and Sun Shang Xiang all went and digged in. Xing Cai shrugged and went to dig in herself. Xiao Qiao made Da Qiao eat a couple of items. Wang yi goes up to Takasugi, "Where's the wine?"**

**"...You want it...?"**

**"Yes, I'll eat as long there's wine."**

**"Alright." He comes out the back dragging two large wine jars. "Here." Wang Yi takes a few sips before eating some things. **

**"Oh, well might as well." Zhu Rong joins in. Takasugi turns to the remaining women. ****"Come on! You're not gonna get fat! It's just gonna go to your breasts anyway-GAH!" The remaining women threw miscellaneous heavy objects at Takasugi. **

**"Come on, Lian Shi!" She drags Lian Shi to her area and made her eat a couple of items. "My lady, I can't eat so much on one time..."**

**"Just try it! It's good!" **

**"Are you sure you ladies do not want to partake in this?"**

**"No, it is barbaric to just go-"**

**"Zhen Ji, you're not gonna get fat. It's going to your plastic boobs anyway."**

**"Well, I never!"**

**"Then prove it! Prove those cushions can hold the calories!"**

**"Fine!" Zhen ji goes to eat. "Looks like Zhen Ji is going to beeaaat yoooou, Yue Ying..."**

**"No, she is not!" Yue Ying goes right next to Zhen ji and eats. Cai Wenji sneaks some food and throws them into Xu Chu's mouth without anyone noticing and eating some herself. Diao Chan tricks Guo Jia, Dong Zhou, Lu Bu, and Cao cao to eat food for her. **

**"What about-..." He sees Zhang chunhua stuffing food into Sima Yi's and Sima Shi's mouths. "That's cheating!" He turns a little more to see Wang Yuanji stuffing food down into that-was-just-dragged-out-Sima Zhao's mouth. **

**"Crafty...Hey! You're supposed to eat it yourself-MMPH!" The two stuffed food into his mouth after the three were lying on the ground exhausted. **

**"Mmph! I-mmph! Stop-Mmhp! We can do this another-MMPH!" He gets stuffed with food between words. Izuru sneaks off the stage to avoid being stuffed with food. **

**Thirty minutes later...**

**Most of the girls lay in exhaustion. Only a few were not affected because, you know, they stuffed the food into other guy's mouths. Takasugi gets up, groaning. "...Ugh...My stomach hurts...What're the scores...?" Izuru from a seat holds up a clipboard. "Ok, here's the list on them and what they ate. Not in order."**

**Xiao Qiao: 1/3 of duck, 2 baozis, 2 pieces of pizza, 2 1/2 onigiris, 1 whole pail of ice cream **

**Sun Shang Xiang: 2 baozis, 3 pieces of pizza, 1 spoon of ice cream, few strips of duck, 1 onigiri**

**Guan Yinping: Ate half of the leftover duck, 2 slices of pizza, 1 onigiri **

**Da Qiao: A baozi and half of an onigiri **

**Zhu Rong: Rest of the duck, 2 baozis**

**Diao Chan: Didn't eat, so doesn't count**** (Food went to GJ, DZ, LB, and CC)**

**Zhen Ji: Half of the leftover pizza, 1 baozi **

**Yue Ying: Rest of pizza, 1 baozi**

**Cai Wenji: Ate some ice cream and threw some food at Xu Chu for him to eat**

**Wang Yi: Just drank wine, forgetting all about of the eating in front of her**

**Zhang Chunhua: Does not count (Food went to SY and SS)**

**Wang Yuanji: Does not count (Food went to SZ)**

**Lian Shi: Got some strips of duck, half a pizza, a baozi**

**Xing Cai: 4 slices of pizza, duck skin strips **

**Bao Sanniang: 1 whole pail of ice cream, 1 onigiri **

**"...Who won?"**

**"Um... I'm guessing Xiao Qiao...?**

**"Then the ones who didn't eat or ate too little have make a Titan-sized apple pie. That really isn't a punishment, but whatever." **

**"Diao Chan, Wang Yi, Cai Wenji, Zhang Chunhua, Da Qiao, and Wang Yuanji have to make the pie. How are they supposed to get the ingredients?"**

**"...Give it a few hours..."**

**Two hours later...**

**"Wow, look at that." They see the pie outside of the auditorium. "Wait! That was just two hours! How did they-"**

**"Just ignore that, and look at it."**

**"What are we supposed to do with it?"**

**"Eat it?"**

**"How are all of us going to eat that thing?" **

**"I don't know. Last one is to get five people in a tomato fight. Ok, get a hat." He gets a top hat to pull out five strips of paper. "Ma Dai, Zhou Yu, Jia Xiu, Guo Huai, and Yuan Shao. Here's a tub of tomatoes. Go crazy." The first shot was Ma Dai getting Zhou Yu in the face. "...Argh...I'll..." Zhou Yu gets a tomato to throw at Ma Dai, but hits Yuan Shao on accident. "Why you..." Yuan Shao grabs two to throw at Zhou Yu, but he ducks for the two tomatoes to hit Guo huai and Jia Xiu. They grab tomatoes and threw the around at each other, some hitting other people. Cao Pi goes to force grapes down Takasugi's mouth for no reason. "H-mph! Pa-too! Why grapes?! Tomatoes are going around here and you got grapes?" Cao Pi ignores him and takes some tomatoes to jam down people's throats. **

**Few minutes later...**

**"This looks like the Saint Valentine's Massacre happened here!"**

**"That's nothing. This is more like the American Civil War."**

**"What about a giant woman having her period here?"**

**"Don't go there... How were you able to get that many tomatoes anyway?" **

**"I have my sources..." (I stole Romano's large supply of tomatoes...)**

**"Italy?"**

**"Close enough." **

**"How are we cleaning this up?"**

**"...Um...Yeah... Most of the losers in the eating contest were from Wei and Jin, so they clean up in the maid outfits. So..." Takasugi takes out his phone to press a few buttons. Every male in Wei and Jin were in maid outfits. The women wore butler suits. "Aw, it would fit a lot more if Jia Chong wore the butler thing... Oh well, he now is a gothic loltia maid. That's a thing, right?" He gets a mop in the face by Cao pi, who was in a maid dress. "Grapes, now this."**

**"I see some dirt here." Cao Pi jams the mop into Takasugi's face. "Stop!"**

**"Fix this."**

**"Hey, the request said to do that! Stop-Grgh!" Cao Pi jams the mop into his mouth. "Grah! Mmhp!" **

**"Well, it seems he is pretty busy. I guess this wraps up our session for now." Zhang He dances around while washing areas of the auditorium. "Let's sing a song while we work!"**

**"Snow White? You want to Snow White this thing?"**

**"Come on, everyone!"**

**"Aaand that is my cue to leave." Izuru walks out through a door leading to outside.**

* * *

**I just had to do that Bleach reference. Even though Takasugi can't draw a simple French moustache and instead drew a Pringles man moustache on Sima Yi. **

**Lucky Stick is a brand of chocolate and other flavor sticks I usually see at Asian supermarkets. You can't really call it a knock-off of Pocky since cream-covered sticks are...well...simple... I don't know, I just think it's just another snack kids like to eat, but you can judge on your own about that. **

**Yan Yan is another Asian snack. It's this cone-shaped container and it had biscuit sticks with this cream thing separate from them. The flavors vary.**

**When Takasugi said Romano, he was referring to South Italy from Hetalia.**

**Ciel is from Black Butler.**

**Cao Pi jamming grapes into Takasugi's mouth was based on this YouTube video that had Cao pi jamming grapes into everyone'e mouths in Wei and one Jin guy. It was a parody off another parody on Ulquiorra from Bleach and he was jamming tomatoes into the Arrancars' mouths. They both had Romano's Delicious Tomato Song playing throughout the video. Yes, it's still there. Type Cao Pi's Grapes, and you'll find it. **


	10. So many reviews, so little time

Oh god dammit my OC got rejected...LIKE TA maybe I should talk to the koie CEO to join along with one of my OC that is not the four of I'll put my name in japanese style.

Me(Zenka Kisaragi)  
Apearence:Black Hair and black eye,wear aqua blue jacket and pant with black shirt in it.  
Age:15  
Gender:Male  
Like:Pat at my fanmade sister of my,play video game,do some dishes LIKE A BOSS and can drink wine for 1,000 without being drunk(that bullshit)  
Weapon(For defense)A muramasa and I block and parry all of it in second.  
Abily:Can stop time,make stuff apear and disapear(Like me eating sandwhich and some say where I get those and I say what sandwich when it disapear)being immortal and can stop time.

My fanmade sister(Nami kisaragi)  
Age:14  
Gender:Female  
Apearence:She cuter than all the girl you see so far and it will make you adopt her,she has emeral green and green hair,she wear any aqua green stuff and in home,she wear only white shirt and a underwear.  
Weapon:Bow,gun and a random ass bazooka she alway keep it.  
Like:Alway be happy,make friend faster and do some horny thing to people she like(who has the same age as her)  
Ability:She has monstrous streng when people stare at her big boob and punch them so hard that it will break throught everything.

Ok that how we look like and BTW she can be shy at first but she get use to for the real thing to start

1)The dare with the online is a test,I need some help to some people go with me and my OC to go to SAO game and beat all the floor,becarefull cause if you die in game,you die for real and there are a total of ten-thousan player there as well,watxh out for the murder guild on your way  
2)For anyone:Play a song called "A world without danger,I will sent Cao Xe so you wont be using sima yi.  
3)For Zhao yun:You like my spear I give you?There is a uniqe ablility that can make you invisible at night if you say "Shadow Moon" but it only work when the Moon comes.  
4)Dude,You still have the ability that I give you,the one with the imune to all of the attack for need to remember that.  
5)I dare some one to lick a behemon from tales of the abyss,except lu bu of course(Summon a bitch load of weapon and give them to Tagakusy and Izuru)in case if behemon go on the rampage.**  
**

**"...Well...They weren't rejected, the author just doesn't use OC's. I know, I am and Izuru is too, but she uses us so the stories won't be centered on a certain character. I mean, if she just went and used Sima Zhao for everything, you'll won't want to look at him again. Remember the Jin stories? It was basically Sima Zhao's show along with creator's pet and fangirl's favorite gothic over there. Yeah, that will be the stories if she doesn't use me. Overall, she only prefers using the official characters, but in the story... Damn it! Why are your titles so f***ing long?!" **

**"Forcing ancient people to live 2000 years into the future? Oh my!" is not that long!**

**"You just said the whole damn thing! Why are they so long?!"**

**You can ask that another time, now do what the person wants.**

**"Anyway, in that story, she has to make up random names for people that come around that interact with the characters. Because you don't want a story that has "that girl" or "that guy" or you'll be more lost than a sock in a large dryer full of clothes. Do they count as OC's by the way?" **

**I don't know. **

**"So...you want your OCs here that badly? Alright... The portal doesn't work, so we're going to improvise." Takasugi goes backstage to take two mannequins out. "Okay, this one is the guy. That one's the girl..." He gets the colored clothes mentioned and puts them on the mannequins. "Hmm...for the girl..." He gets out two balloons to place under the shirt. "There. Here's a wig." He makes finishing touches and sets them near the Lu Lingqi and Zhu Ran mannequins. "Say hello to your new buddies." He talks sounding like if they were coming from the mannequins. **

Yay! More people to burn!

More to spar with!

Yay!

Yay!

**Izuru watches he does all of that. "...That's not very convincing... The first thing the person wants to do is to send the guys that played with the computers to a SAO game. Um..."**

**I've heard of Sword Art Online, but I'm not into it, thus I do not know what to write. **

**"...How do we play the game then?"**

**"How about we just try and figure it out? I have this Pipboy so we could go into the Fallout universe and see how long these guys can survive in the desert wilderness." **

**"The person asked for SAO."**

**"Come on, seeing Sima Yi lose a leg or Cao cao being blown to bits or Liu Bei getting killed by a mantis are things I would love to see if they gone into the Fallout universe."**

**"They'll get cancer."**

**"Fine, GTA deathmatch."**

**"If you want so badly..." Izuru pushes Cao cao, Sun Quan, Liu Bei, and Sima Yi into the portal. "AH!"**

**"Here you go!" He presses a few buttons, and pulls a rope. A curtain reveals a screen. "There, I left random weapons for them to kill each other in. You guys are to kill each other, but don't worry, you'll come back after a chapter!"**

**On the screen**

**"Well..." Cao Cao grabs a rocket launcher and aims at the three in front of him. "Let's do what he says, shall we?"**

**"Hey!" Sun Quan grabs an AK-47 and aims at Cao Cao. Liu Bei takes a pistol and aims at Cao Cao. "Now...which one of you have the courage to shoot?" They all looked at each other tensely. Sima Yi slowly walks away from the group and right when he was about to escape, they all turn to him with their weapons. "Where YOU going?"**

**"You have your own problems, I'm not getting into them." **

**"We left you alone and looked what happened: You took my Wei over and that led your Jin."**

**"That was not mine! It was my grandson's!"**

**"And who set the foundations for that?"**

**"..."**

**Bleep Bleep Bleep**

**"What's that?" A small shape was thrown to the center of the three as Sima Yi runs away. "Haha! Suckers!"**

**BOOM The grenade explodes, sending the three flying in opposite directions. "Argh..." Cao Cao gets up, but is in bad condition. The health bar next to him is a small section of blinking red. Liu Bei had a very tiny sliver of red on his bar, and when he got up, a police car hits him, killing him. "Hey, get out of the road." Sun Quan gets up to have only have his health bar have also a tiny sliver of red. They see each other. "Liu Bei's dead."**

**"Eh, not that big of a deal. Now where's that purple-wearing snake? Oh, let me deal with you." Cao cao shoots Sun Quan at point-blank range with his rocket launcher, but he gets killed due to the recoil. Because in GTA, shooting someone in the face with a rocket launcher does not end well for that guy and you. **

**Back on the stage**

**"That was fast."**

**"Oh, well, they'll be back after this chapter." Izuru goes to the portal to press a few buttons. Sima Yi gets thrown out of the portal. "Ah! Ow!"**

**"It could do that?"**

**"Well, he's not supposed to be in there, so the GTA universe spits him back out." **

**"Huh. Next, the person's OC will sing "A World Without Danger." Let me go get it." Takasugi drags a mannequin onto stage. "Hit it!"**

***Just subtitles, no actual singing because it's a mannequin***

There is a world, that is virtual and different.  
It can be so cold, make us stand up for what's right.  
Our hope through our life, is if we reset it to the start!

(Refrain)  
Here we are, going far, to save all that we love;  
If we give, all we've got, we will make it through.  
Here we are, like a star, shining bright on your world;  
Today, make Evil go away!

Code Lyoko, we'll reset it all.  
Code Lyoko, be there when you call!  
Code Lyoko, we will stand real tall.  
Code Lyoko, stronger after all!

A world of machines, it can shadow human nature.  
And all that we need, is the way to find the answer.  
But one thing is sure, you can count on us for good!

(Refain)

Code Lyoko, we'll reset it all.  
Code Lyoko, be there when you call.  
Code Lyoko, we will stand real tall.  
Code Lyoko, stronger after all!

We'll do our best, to never let you down.  
We're up to the test, to turn this world around!

**"Give it up for this guy! Zhao Yun, can you say Shadow Moon with that spear you got?"**

**"Alright. Shadow Moon."**

**"Didn't it say it only works at night?"**

**"I feel myself...changing..." Zhao Yun glows and floats up. He comes down and the glow dims to reveal him in a Sailor Moon outfit. "AH! What's this?!"**

**"He said Shadow Moon, not Sailor Moon..."**

**"Hmph, maybe that's why it works only at a full moon. Someone go lick that dragon-looking thing." **

**"Dragons don't exist."**

**"Let me..." Takasugi goes to the portal to drag out a large dragon-thing out of it. "Coome...ON!" The dragon gets stuck. "...Ok..someone lick it...Hey, Xiao Qiao! Here's a giant dragon-shaped candy!" **

**"Really? Yay!" Xiao Qiao runs up to the thing and licks it. "UGH! It's scaley!" The behemoth gets angry and is about to snap its jaws at Xiao Qiao, but she punches it so hard, it goes back into the portal. "Ugh! That's so not candy!"**

**"Last one is do the spartan kick in style. Oh well." Takasugi goes up to Sima Yi that was at the edge of the stage. "I've always wanted to do this...Hey, turn around."**

**"Hm?"**

**"THIS. IS. SPARTA!" He kicks Sima Yi in the stomach, sending him to fall off the stage on his back. "OW!"**

**"Yes!"**

**"It said to do it in style."**

**"Kicking Sima Yi is already stylish for me. Oh, if Zhang He did it, it would have looked elegant."**

**"Next one."**

Well, I missed a party... Well, time to continue my daily abuse!

1. Lu Xun, since you love fire so much, I'll say good luck to you because I'm daring you to travel around the world to make a pact with fire loving natives to make an alliance. Think about it! You can burn an entire kingdom!

2. To the males, who's the best girl in DW? Wang Yuanji or Guan Yinping? Why?

3. Jiang Wei, Yue Jin, Zhou Yu and Xiahou Ba, uh... I dare you four to play Wii Party or any board game, and 2nd, 3rd and 4th place winners will be forced to cross-dress that is incredibly convincing for the next 2 chapters.

4. To the Sima family, either reenact your everyday lives or tell me what's the worst, humiliating thing that's happened to you all. *With a song, of course.*

5. Zhang He, Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji, make a fashion show with the theme of mixing up things and it's still a masterpiece!

6. Lu Lingqi! *Hugs her* Hm... Your stiff as Zhu Ran... Is it because you trained with your father? Aw well! *Accidentally threw love candy at an innocent bystander.*

7. Oh by way, remember the unneeded military from Chapter 7? They're coming back. Oh! They're not going to threaten you, they're holding a party in the auditorium for you! With 1000 jars of wine, 10 buckets of chicken and over 20 kinds food that can be fit for a titan. Oh, and there will be lights and music.

*The whole military crashes the place with beautifully decorated tanks and helicopters and boomboxes on their shoulders. NOT destroying Takasugi and Izuru, but cheering for them.*

**Lu Xun stands confidently and goes up to the Zhu Ran mannequin. "We're establishing our own kingdom!" The mannequin just stands there. "Let's go!" He pulls the mannequin and runs out the auditorium. **

**"He's going to be back."**

**"The next question is going to have some bias. Wang yuanji will get the Jin and Wei vote, and Guan Yinping will have the Shu and Wu vote."**

**"What about the Other?"**

**"What does Other think?" Everyone that is in Other says out a mix of Yuanji and Yinping's names.**

**"...Okay...that is not working. Based on the popularity poll, Yuanji placed 2nd, and Yinping placed 6th. Well, let the audience get some opinions out of you." Cao cao says out,"They're both cute in my book!" **

**"...Someone else besides you...Hey! You respawned already?!" Takasugi makes the Lu Lingqi mannequin talk. "**Yinping is awesome! **See? Lingqi thinks Yinping is cool." **

**"That's not fooling anyone..." Guan Yinping goes up to the Lu Lingqi mannequin. "Aw, I knew we could be friends!" She hugs it. **

**"...Mm-hm..." Sima Zhao and Jia Chong raised their hands, "Wang Yuanji."**

**"Again, that's biased since you work with her." Guan Yu and the Guan brothers all say, "Guan Yinping!"**

**"Again, biased..." The Guan brothers go up against Sima Zhao, "That girl has no personality!"**

**"Your girl doesn't either!"**

**"Yinping has more personality than that cold cardboard cutout!"**

**"She's not a cardboard cutout!"**

**"She's creator's pet then!"**

**"Your sister just blabs on about you and God or War this and God of War that!"**

**"Your wife just blabs-oh wait, she doesn't even talk a lot! She just stands there and being part of the scenery!"**

**"Our Yinping is actually helpful!"**

**"Yuanji does help!"**

**"With what? Running around with you?"**

**"Your sister just runs around with you also!"**

**"Yinping saved me back at Fan Castle!"**

**"Yeah, when you were knocked out and she was running with your body."**

**"Yeah! Helpful! I've never seen Yuanji drag your lazy ass!"**

**"Why she does! You've just never seen that on-screen!" Takasugi gets between them, "Ok, ok, I see you have very strong opinions on your girls, but let's not fill this space with your arguing." The separate groups break away from each other. "Alright... The next one is to have Jiang Wei, Yue Jin, Zhou Yu, and Xiahou Ba play Wii Party."**

**Funny this may seem, but I have never played that game. I've played Wii Sports though. I'll just look at a walkthrough and make the guys play the games I saw. The Wii and the TV were set in front of the four. They looked at the remotes in their hands. "What are these?"**

**"You play a game with them."**

**"How? Am I hitting something?"**

**"You have to pretend you're hitting something. Zhou Yu and Jiang Wei got the Pro controller and the Wii U Gamepad." They watch the screen and it says to press A and B together. "How do I do that?"**

**"There's an A button there, and a B button down there."**

**"Got it." They look at Miis of themselves. Xiahou Ba comments, "My head is SO not that big!"**

**"Those are Miis, I made them for this occasion. Now you guys are playing a game called Shifty Gifts. What you have to do is not let your presents fall. And just to make this quick, play three games. First place is worth 3 points, second is worth 2, third is worth 1 and fourth is zero. Go!" **

**The four watch and did what the screen is showing them. As they presents start to tilt, the try to balance it out, and they were all doing fine until a truck goes past their Miis, and dropped more presents on them. Yue Jin's Mii dropped its boxes. Then Zhou Yu and Xiahou Ba's Miis drop theirs, leaving Jiang Wei's Mii.**

**Screen: **

**JW: 1st**

**ZY: 2nd**

**XB: 3rd**

**YJ: 4th**

**Next was a maze minigame. When they all first start, they walk onto a swirly thing and this made their Mii dizzy. They go in random different directions and Zhou Yu's Mii managed to get in to the finish. The other three were having trouble with their Mii since they can't go in the direction they want it to go. Xiahou Ba manage to make his Mii go into the finish with Zhou Yu. Yue Jin was the last one to go to the finish leaving Jiang Wei out in the maze. **

**Screen: **

**ZY: 1st**

**XB: 2nd**

**YJ: 3rd**

**JW: 4th**

**Last game was Derby Dash. It's a horse race. When they all start, Xiahou Ba's horse was in the lead, with Yue Jin's Mii following. Zhou Yu and Jiang Wei went back in forth in who ever went ahead of them. Xiahou Ba's horse ran out of energy, thus he slowed down. Zhou Yu's horse came up ahead of the three, leaving them pretty far. The three left were clumped together, but Jiang Wei's horse was the most ahead out of the three. Then his horse ran out of energy, thus he slowed down to the same speed as Xiahou Ba's and Yue Jin's. They eventually crossed the finish line. **

**Screen:**

**ZY: 1st**

**XB: 2nd**

**JW: 3rd**

**YJ: 4th**

**"Well, that wraps it up! Add up the points!"**

**"Alright... Here they are." Izuru holds up a clipboard. **

**ZY: 8 points**

**XB: 5 points**

**JW: 4 points**

**YJ: 1 points**

**"Zhou Yu's safe, and you three have to crossdress. Let Zhang He choose for you guys." **

**"Yay! Come along now!"**

**"Argh..." The three losers go with Zhang He to backstage and later they walk out in DW women clothing. Jiang Wei was wearing Yue Ying's clothes, Yue Jin was wearing Wang Yi's clothes, and Xiahou Ba was wearing Wang Yuanji's clothes. "How long we have to leave this...?"**

**"Two chapters."**

**"WHAT?!"**

**"Hey, hey, give that attitude to the questioner. Next, the Sima family reenact their daily lives. Just think of any family sit-com, and they have probably have done it. I mean, I could make them act out a Family Guy sketch if I felt like it and it would still work. Oh, let's do the one where Peter buys a dumb horse!"**

**"You just want to do the pun. Sima has "horse" in it."**

**"Maybe... But I think this will be too much work, so you guys can say the most humiliating thing you have done. How are they supposed to put it as a song? They can just say it. I know Yi's got a bunch. Come on, you say something." Sima Yi crosses his arms. "You already know a few."**

**"What? I do? Care to say them again?"**

**"You hit me in...the...you-know...what..."**

**"That was one time! You just turned your back away and I got mad. That's not even that embarrassing. Say something a little more juicier."**

**"...I had to give my father a sponge bath..."**

**"...Well...that's not really... Fine, it's embarrassing in terms with you. What about Zhang Chunhua?"**

**"I had to be nice to Sima Fu."**

**"Sima Fu's supposed to be a good guy! What's so embarrassing to be with the angel version of Sima Yi?"**

**"...He's slightly annoying... I swear I had to listen to him talking about why Sima Yi was more well-known then him and a benevolence speech..."**

**"Try something better than that, I know you have something else that's more-" You don't see Zhang chunhua's face because she turns her head, and Takasugi is the one that only sees it. But you know it's not a good face since Takasugi looks nervous. "...Ok, ok...I'm not pushing that... What about Sima Shi? Aside from you having a thing for you father and mother?"**

**"Why do you-"**

**"I'm sorry, but fanarts are really getting to me."**

**"Those are lies!"  
**

**"Now spill the beans one of your embarrassing moments."**

**"...I used Father's hat sticks as chopsticks."**

**"...That's...eh...But I didn't know those thingys in his hat can be used as chopsticks."**

**"It was at dinner, and I dropped my chopsticks... they rolled off, thus I needed an alternative. Father was sitting right next to me, and...I took those sticks..." Sima Yi looks up at his hat. He removes it to look at those sticks. "..." **

**"Sima Zhao?"**

**"I slept on a couch, and Xu Chu came in and sat on me..."**

**"Haha! Wait, how are you still alive?"**

**"Mm-hm?"**

**"All those aren't really "embarrassing"... Let me find something..." He gets a laptop and begins to taps its keyboard. He turns it to show thw group. "...What the-?"**

**"WHAT?!"**

**"There are A LOT of embarrassing Sima Yi arts here. They are A, you in women's clothing, B, NSFW you, and C, hat jokes. It's mostly B and lots of pictures with pretty much the entire Wei and Jin cast. Some Zhuge Liang ones appear. This one is a gem since...AH MY EYES! I'm changing this!" He presses another key. "Here's another embarrassing thing of you guys."**

**"...Is that...?"**

**"It's Yuanji in a swimsuit...but the other..." Sima Zhao slightly turns red.**

**"..." Sima Yi turns red and has some blood flowing from his nose. **

**"Hm... Z-OOF!" Takasugi gets his laptop bashed on his head by Zhang Chunhua. "...Please...excuse me... But...HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET THAT?"**

**"That's the power of Internet. Think of it, it has happened. I must say, you look good in-OOF!" She gets the laptop to hit him again. "Ok, ok, it's that embarrassing for you to be in a bikini."**

**That's...an...odd...thought... I can't think straight now...**

**"What was the other slide?"**

**"...Ugh...I can tell you this... Sima Yi and speedos DO NOT mix..."**

**"Oh...AH! NOW I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT!"**

**"Yeah... Moving on! Those three make a fashion show and you have to mix things up and it's still a masterpiece!"**

**"How can they mix up clothes?"**

**"They can figure it out."**

**An hour later...**

**Zhang He holds up a purple dress with mixed cloths from Wei and Jin. "Here you go!"**

**"Huh, still looks nice."**

**MMPH!**

**"Hm? I see the dress moving..."**

**ZMMPH MPH! MMPH ME MPO!**

**"...Um..." Zhang He turns the dress around to see a duct taped Sima Yi to it. "MMPH!"**

**"...Well...there wasn't any restriction on what to use... I guess you could use a midget..."**

**"MMPH! MMPH! MMMMMPH!"**

**"Compared to Zhang He, you look like a midget when standing next to each other." Zhang he runs off with the dress. Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji were also done with their dresses. They show it around, and Izuru notices two large bumps on them. "...Hey, what's that?" He goes to poke the bump to get a small snicker out. "There's a person here..." He rips out a strip of duct tape to show Guo Jia on Cai Wenji's dress. "OW! You pulled off a few hairs!"**

**"It'll grow back, but why are you on a dress...?"**

**"I don't know..." Izuru looks at the large bump on Zhen Ji's dress and pokes it. **

**Kmph... He rips a piece of duct tape. "OW! Watch it, peasant!" It revealed Cao pi on the dress. "...Why are you sticking people on the dresses?"**

**"You didn't say we had to just use cloths."**

**"...Well...um...Ah, nevermind..." He gets piece of candy thrown at him. "...Oh no, I'm not doing this again!" Izuru takes that candy and throws it hard out a window. When he turns around, he doesn't see a large explosion that left a crater from the thrown candy. Takasugi makes the Lu Lingqi mannequin talk. "**Yeah... Father really tired me out... That cross halberd sure is heavy! **Well, we shouldn't make you talk so much then! Alright, rest there!**"

**"...Are you seriously still doing that? That's a mannequin."**

**"Oh my god! Lingqi, did you hear what he just said? He just called you someone with no personality! I'm sure you have WAY more personality than poster boy and creator's pet there." The mannequin just stands there.** **"**Gee, thanks! **Your welcome!"**

**"...You're making yourself look crazy-"**

**BOOOOOOOOOOM Tanks and military airplanes destroy half of the auditorium with deafening music and cheering. "Oh come on! Do you know how much it cost to fix the roof from last time?!"**

**"Who cares? Party!" Guo Jia tries to jump at the wine being brought, but he's still stuck to the dress. "Aw..." Wang Yi and Jia Xiu drink the wine and Wang Yi drinks it in front of Guo Jia just to upset him. "I see you're...stuck..." She sips more wine in Guo Jia's face. "Can you pour some wine down my mouth? Or me drinking it from your mouth-AAH!" Wang Yi sticks a giant empty wine jar onto his head. "Drink the drops leftover in there."**

**"You're so mean..." The people from the drinking contest a couple of chapters ago started another one and drank a lot more. Jia Xiu turns bright red and goes up to Sima Yi (still duct taped to the dress). "Heeey...you look...stuck..."**

**"Haha. Wang Yi already made that joke, anyway."**

**"Whaaat? Aw...she always get the best puuuns! You know what...? You look...glued!"**

**"...Nice try..." **

**"BLRAGH!" Jia Xiu pukes right near Sima Yi who was completely disgusted and rolled away. "I'm gonna go..."**

**"Waaaait... Come here... purple Twinkie!"**

**"Ah!" Sima Yi gets up, and hops away from the drunk Jia Xiu. "Why...is this...so...hard...to rip out of...?" Cao cao gets drunk and eats five buckets of fried chicken. "I ate the bones! I ate the bones! NOOOOO!" **

**"Cao Cao...how in the world do you even know about that campaign?"**

**"What? I swear I ate the bones!" Izuru takes a bucket to point out a few words. "BONELESS. And it has the saying right on the bucket."**

**"Whaaaat?! Boneless chicken? Who is this genius who made this a reality?" He takes the bucket and hugs it in his drunken state. "...Ok..." Pang Tong was nibbling Jia Chong's head. "Mmm...Kaju..."**

**"...Get off me..."**

** "...Jia Chong's not a fruit..."**

**"But his name is fruit...Nom..."**

**"OW! Get off!" Jia Chong flings Pang Tong off the stage. Gan Ning, Ling Tong, Sun Quan (He respawns fast...), and Zhou Tai were passed out after they all puked. Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang drunk trashed talked to each other and got into a cartoon-ish fight Wei and Sun Ce were also beating each other up because they saw other people doing it. Takasugi walks drunkenly over to Lian Shi. "Heeey...nice boooobs... Mind if I stick my head between theeem...? OOF!" Lian Shi shoots him with a barrage of arrows, sending him flying across the stage and right between Zhan Ji's legs. "Ow...Ooh! Hello-OW!" Zhen Ji steps on his face and kicks him, sending right near Wang Yuanji. "...I don't want a little girl! Kick me somewhere else!" She does kick him, sending him only a few feet. He gets up, groaning. "Ow, ow..." His head gets caught in a pair of breasts. "...Ooh...Hi, Lian Shi!" He gets kneed, revealing it was Zhang chunhua. "OW!" He gets out, holding his stomach. "...Ugh...I don't feel so good...BLRAAAGH! Ooooh...heeey... Nice legs... when do they open-GAH!" He gets another punch from Zhang Chunhua. "I see...playing hard to get, huh?" He gets another kick, and it was in the groin. "AAAAAH!" He falls, rolling in pain. Izuru gets three paper airplanes to his face. "Ok...since he's out... I'm going to have to take over."**

Hooray for the Wei and Jin!  
Seriously, watching Sima Yibin a maid costume for me is... *cheeks puffing red in overflowing excitement*  
Whoa, Author-san, you actually watched APH too?  
Anyway, can't forget my s**tty dares. This time, as my way of congratulating the top 10 most popular characters. (I'm sorry if it's already an old story, I just know it now)  
1. Zhao Yun (1), how was it now, being the cover boy and now, the first rank? Just tell it to the stage, as highly as possible. Even worse than how Yuan Shao will do.  
2. Wang Yuanji (2). Congrats, Yuanji. It looks like you've been maintaining in the top 10 for this while. So, who do you think is the main person causing this long success? Go ahead and make out with that person! (If possible, other than Sima Zhao)  
3. Xu Shu! (3) Awwww, never thought you get this rank. Whatcha think? Alright, can you answer it with the speed of more than 100 words per minute? No ums, for safety.  
4. Guo Jia (4). Good to hear that you get this place. How could you actually charm girls into your fandom? Oh, speaking about girls, let's try something different and make out with a guy. (My mood is really into making characters making out)  
5. Diaochan(5), same with Guo Jia but don't do the make out thing. I may be Yuri, but I hate yuri. So, come on out and pole dance instead.  
6. To make this quick, Guan Yinping (6), Lu Xun (7), Sima Yi(8), Xiahou Dun (9) and Zhong Hui (10). Make a scene of a certain romance drama. I don't care if it's soap opera or whatever. (Sorry Daddy Guan, I just feel like enjoying this).  
And for the finale, all top 10s, sing the song "We Are the Champion" in... um, excuse me... the most embarassing costume Koei has ever given from your first appearance till now.  
phew... that's what I got... And for the Author, keep on updating. \(o)/

**"Whhaaaat? Hic!" Zhao Yun wobbles out on the stage and yells out in his highest voice. "IIIIIIIIIIII'MMMMMMMMMMMMM KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHE F*************ING WOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD! WHO-HOOOOOOO! "**

**"Zhao yun, that's from Titanic. And there was no word f***ing in it. That did not really answer the question anyway."**

**"IIIIIIIIIIIIII WON, BIIII-TCHES!" **

**"He's still drunk. sorry for his comments." Zhao Yun goes to flip the bird to the rest of the top ten. "YEEEEEEEEEAH!"**

**"...Yeeeeah...He's...not really in good condition to talk..." Takasugi talks drunkenly, "Heeey...that last thing on that...that...thin thing...looks...like a vagina!"**

**"...Um...we didn't need your opinion. That's very insulting.****"**

**"Whhaat? It's a vagina! See the leeeegs and hooole there?"**

**"Shut up about that. How come you're letting this slip, Author?" **

**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...**

**"Great... she's napping, thus she can't censor that word out. Wang Yuanji, who do you owe your popularity to? And the person said to make out with that person."**

**"Um... I guess Zhao, Shi, Father-in-law, Mother-in-law, and Jia Chong."**

**"Well, you can just make out with Sima Zhao." (Ugh...Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua are awful choices for her to actually...you know...do that stuff with... Glad she had a choice or this will creep me out for the rest of my life!) Wang Yuanji sighs and goes over to Sima Zhao. "Look, I have to do this."**

**"Suuure... Now come here." They embrace and kiss. **

**"Okay, Xu Shu, what do you think about you having 3rd place?"**

**"Um-"**

**BLEEP**

**"Nope. No ums."**

**"U-"**

**BLEEP**

**"NO UMS! Here's some coffee." Xu Shu drinks the liquid, and he lights up. "Ifeelgreat!HowIfeelwithmebeingthird?AWESOME!IneverthoughtI'dgethat!I'mso happy!Iwantruuuuuun!" Xu Shu speeds around the auditorium, running over any lying drunk. He runs over Pang Tong, Zhang Fei, Jia Xiu, Cao pi (Still duct taped to dress), Gan Ning with the three earlier, and Cao cao who was nibbling on the (empty) bucket of chicken. "YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!"**

**OOF!**

**OW!**

**AH!**

**"Well...alright, where's Guo Jia?" Guo Jia rolls near him, with the wine jar still on his head. "This tape is strong...I can't get out..." Izuru goes down to free Guo Jia from the dress. He removes the jar. "Ah...I can breathe now... It's hard to breathe in your own breath."**

**(I bet it would just reek of more wine...) "This request is for you. It first asks, how do you charm girls into-"**

**"That's easy. I do this." He poses to sparkle with a background of roses behind him. **

**"You're ripping off Tamaki's way of charming."**

**"No! He stole from me!"**

**"His show was older from when you first introduced..."**

**"I'm older than him, thus I'm the original charmer!"**

**"Hm..." (Tamaki Suoh is Guo Jia's descendant, probably, or Guo Jia was modeled after him.) "Okay then, and the next part is for you to make out with a male character."**

**"...Um...Eeeeh...Do you count...?"**

**"What? It says any male-" Guo Jia pulls him in for a quick kiss. Izuru gets incredibly shocked and coughs when he turns around. "AH! I don't men ME!"**

**"It says a male. You're male."**

**"Well, if you're fine with just kissing a random male, why me?!" He coughs some more. "I taste wine..."**

**"The jar."**

**"Ok... Excuse me..." Izuru walks away within Guo Jia's earshot and pukes for a few minutes. "BLRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He walks back. "Now, back to the question." (The wine taste is making a lasting mark on me... UGH! Luckily, I already had my first kiss with a woman already.) "Diao Chan?"**

**"Heeeey... Who wants a dance...?"**

**"Oh no, she's drunk too? Um...how do you charm guys into the fandom?" **

**"This." You don't see her front just her back, and she removes her dress. You just see her back and Izuru's shocked expression. "GAAAAAAAAH! Put your clothes back on!" He turns bright red and turns around, hiding his face. **

**"Aw, you're no fun...Who wants me to dance...?" Many of the drunks that were laying on the ground sit right up, "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Dance, dance-" Lu Bu in his drunken state glows red, "You peons have...hic!... nerve... To accept her...hic! request...!" He chases the drunks away and out the auditorium. Diao Chan gets ready to turn to your point of view, but Cai Wenji and Yue Ying come out and held up banners that censored her "areas." Takasugi groans as they came in. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw... You girls are no fuuun... Pole dance!"**

**"Okaaay..." The two took the banners and continued to censor Diao Chan as she moved around. Izuru turns away and continues. "...Ahem... Um... Next for the next five to act out a romance scene. Sima yi's still duct taped, Lu Xun's gone, Zhong Hui's taken away by some person, and that just leaves Xiaou Dun-" He turns to see Xiahou Dun drunk and passed out. "Okay...where's Sima Yi?"**

**"You don't neeed him!" Takasugi appears in front of Izuru. "I have some ideas..." Takasugi drags out four mannequins. "Here's your actors...!" Izuru stares at the Sima yi, Lu Xun, Xiahou Dun and Zhong Hui mannequins in confusion. "...You just happen-"**

**"I made one of Sima Yi and Zhong Hui when I need to take out some anger... Lu Xun one was made because I knew he was out... and Xiahou Dun one is just a Xiahou Dun one...enjoy..." **

**Scene start**

**Guan Yinping runs into the room with four of those mannequins. "I'm sorry! I have to choose out of all four of you! All of you are my greatest friends and I don't want to lose any of you!"**

**Takasugi makes the mannequins talk with his own voice mimicking the original characters voice. He talks Lu Xun's voice first. Unfortunately, he's still drunk.**

**"**I...Ugh...do not want to love you either..."

**"What? Lu Xun, you didn't have to be so mean about it!"**

"No... I hate you...Hic!"

**"Agh! I do not want to see you again!" She hits the mannequin, and the head flies off. It falls down. Yinping goes to the Sima yi one. "I'm sorry...but you're WAY too old for me!"**

"Well...you're...hogging all of the ugly!"

**"Ah! How did you get married in the first place? Hmph!" She goes to "Xiahou Dun." **

**"You're my greatest teacher, and I don't want this to sour our relationship!"**

"...I love you. BLRAGH!" **Coincidentally, the mannequin falls. "I can't love a slob like you! It's best you remain my teacher!"**

"No...I love you! Hic!"

**"I don't want to hear it!" She goes to the Zhong Hui mannequin. "Zhong Hui...I love you!"**

"I know."

**Scene end**

**"What...?"**

**"I know...it's awesome..."**

**"That was crappy voice acting! You're drunk!"  
**

**"You're sexy..." He falls down face first. "...Not flattering since it's coming from you... Last one is they have to sing We are the Champions in the most embarrassing costume Koei has given them. I doubt-" Zhao Yun yells out, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ARRRRRRRRRRE THE F***ING CHAMMMMMMPIONS!" Xu Shu sings very fast. "WearethechampionsMyfriend!"**

**"That's not how the song goes!" Guo Jia lies drunk, so he can't say anything. Diao Chan was still dancing, not listening what was around her. Lu Xun and Zhong Hui are gone. Sima yi's somewhere around there, and Xiahou Dun's passed out. The only ones that were singing properly were Wang Yuanji and Guan Yinping. "We don't have any embarrassing costumes."**

**"I just came in here, so I only have the job costume." They continue to sing. Izuru gets more airplanes to his face. "Ah! Today's very busy!"**

I have a dare for Xing Cai:  
Kiss Liu Shan in front of all the other Shu characters.

**"Okay-"**

**"Fine, whatever floats your boat." Xing Cai (who inhaled the alcohol in the room because 1000 jars of it is really going to stink it up, is drunk now) grabs Liu Shan and makes out with him in front of Zhang Fei and Guan Yu. "Whaaaat are ya doing?"**

**"Hm, young love..." Xing Cai throws Liu Shan off the stage after she was finished. "Next."**

I'm back! It's been a while since I reviewed but school has been killing me(sees Guo Jia, Yue Jin, Li Dian, Jia Chong, and Xiahou Ba in maid suits) You guys look soooo cute! (takes multiple pictures of them) Too bad about you guys having to clean up the mess though. Author, you know about Hetalia? Yes! But I don't think Romano is going to be happy about his tomatos being stolen. Oh well, time for some Qs and dares.  
1. Xu Shu what will it take to make you happy? Your depression makes me want to cry! Also is it just me or did you seem more confident in Dynasty Warriors 7 Empires? (just got the game this weekend Yay!)  
2. Jia Xiu, Guo Jia, Li Dian, Yue Jin, Cai Wenji and Wang Yi, aww you guys worked so hard cleaning up, so here's a banquet full of wine and food for you guys.  
3. Author, out of the 8 main characters of Hetalia AP which dynasty warrior do you think fits them the most?  
4. Who is going to be the unlucky victim... Sima Yi I dare you to steal Jia Xiu's and Wang Yi's wine and tell them who really urinated in their wine from before (Forcing ancient people to live 2000 years in the future? Oh my! chapter 2) . And if you refuse or lie not only will I detach your limbs piece by piece from your body with my chainsaw (summons Russia, General Winter and the whole Russian army) my friends here will make sure you wished you did.  
5. And lastly, Zhong Hui I'm getting really sick of you trying to kill off the Jin characters in the other story. You even killed Yue Jin you b******! So... (wraps him in tight chains) Zhang Chunhua, Sima Zhao, Wang Yuanji and Jia Chong, since you guys are my favorite Jin characters, you can get your revenge on him for the next 10 minutes. You can also borrow my chainsaw and army if you want, just don't kill him. Hurt him but don't kill him. If you kill him fangirls will be after you and me like crazy.  
That's all for now! Keep writing these Prussia-awesome stories(hugs Guo Jia before leaving)

**Why is it so surprising that I have watched Hetalia? It's a hilarious show, and I like funny shows. **

**"I don't know, because it's crawling with yaoi fangirls?"**

**I just ignore that and watch the show. Plus I can just make more jokes off of that.**

**"Xu Shu's pretty happy since I gave him the coffee. Right-" Xu Shu pops up in front the screen, "Hey!I'mhappy!Youhappy?Isuream!Haha!" He runs off. "See? And really? Another banquet? I'm surprised they're not fat yet." Jia Xiu, Li Dian, and Yue Jin shove food down their throats without even knowing since they got too drunk. Wang Yi forces Cai wenji to drink the wine. "Cooome ooon, it tastes goood."**

**"Stop-Glrrgh!" Guo Jia gets up, and gropes Wang Yi's behind. "Whoooa...so firm...OW!" Wang Yi bashes a wine jar onto him and kicks him far off the stage. "Next, who is most fitting as a Hetalia character?"**

**America: Li Dian (Seems fitting.)**

**England: Sima Shi (Sima Shi can pull off a British accent and talking to a flying mint bunny.)**

**France: Zhuge Liang- I mean-Guo Jia (It's very obvious. Also, Zhuge Liang's and Zhao Yun's seiyuu did France.)**

**Japan: Jia Chong-I mean- Guan Xing (I don't know... Also, Jia Chong's seiyuu did Japan.)**

** Italy: Xiahou Ba (He seems innocent and kiddy-ish enough.)**

**Germany: Pang De (Tall, big, strict guy goes to Yu Jin though, but I'm just working with the characters I know.)**

**China: Zhou Yu (Ha, Zhou Yu is the place he IS from.)**

**Russia: Jia Chong (Scary guy that keeps on a smile. Seems right.)**

**"Where's Sima Yi?" **

**You smell of wine... Hey! Izuru follows the voices to see a drunk Zhang Chunhua. "Wait! How in the world you get drunk?!" **

**"Whaaat...? I'm not drunk! Get out of here!"**

**"Yeah, you're drunk. I'm going to guess you snuck some sips, not knowing your low tolerance."**

**"What low tolerance? I can hold my liquor better than that...uh...hat's her name?"**

**"Yep, drunk. Sima Yi, why are you still on the dress?"**

**"This thing binding me is hard to tear out of!"**

**"How about I help ya with that...?" **

**"No, no! I'm sure-Ah!" She rips off the tape quickly. "OW!"**

**"Aw, too rough? How about this?" She rips open Sima Yi's robes. "Ah! What are you doing?"**

**"Yeah! We can't show that stuff! I really need Sima Yi for something-"**

**"A-Ah! Please! You can do this stuff back at home! Right now, you're intoxicated...Oh..."**

**"Oh, come on!" Izuru walks quickly away from the area. "Unfortunately, Sima Yi's not available right now..." Takasugi wobbles to him, "Hey, you don't need...him..."**

**"Now what?" Takasugi holds up the Sima Yi mannequin and sticks it near him. "So, why did you urinate in Wang Yi and Jia Xiu's wine supply? I never thought you would do that...hm...it's always the quiet ones..."**** Wang Yi and Jia Xiu heard and turned towards the Sima yi mannequin. "Whaaat?! You peed in ma wine?! I outa smack ya smirk off your face!" (The Sima Yi mannequin has a poorly-drawn "mouth" on its blank face.) "What? Not saying anything?" Wang Yi goes to kick it in the non-existent privates. "That'll teach you to pee in a woman's wine!" **

**"See? It's working."**

**"...Eh..." The mannequin falls, and the two go and break it apart in anger. "Whoa!"**

**"Sima Yi's glad to be somewhere else and not here now... Zhang chunhua's busy... so..." **

**"Here's the Zhong Hui mannequin!" Takasugi wraps it with chains and sets it in front of Sima Zhao, Wang yuanji, and Jia Chong. "Beat him up!" Jia Chong looks at it evilly and tears off the arm. He continues to break it apart as Sima Zhao and Wang Yuanji watch. "We already know it's fake..."**

**"Okay...last one...I'm exhausted..."**

Um...Wang Yuanji was supposed to sing to Sima Zhao, not the other way around... lol. Never mind. :3c

And the pocky kept breaking? Eto...-hands them 5 packs of strawberry pocky- Don't eat it all at once, please...Yes. Do the dare again. Just don't eat the pocky, or... *pulls out tazer* And the reference to Hetalia! I love you author! 3 Oh yeah. *hands Takasugi and Izuru some money* If they all break by any chance, go and buy some more so they can do it. Or I'll taze you two as well.

Sorry this is going to be short...hmm...*discreetly handcuffs Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang's wrists together while nobody is looking* You two have to stay like that until I come back, ok? :D Or I'll force you guys to walk on a tightrope over a pool of sharks, wearing a ton of meat. *heart emote*

Oh yeah, one last thing. You guys can take care of Zhong Hui for a bit; I have tests coming up. And yes, you can submit him to dares! *heart emote* Maybe he's scarred...? :U

Oh yeah. *gives Li Dian another tray of cookies* Mind telling me your favourite flavour of cookies?

((If it isn't obvious enough, I think Zhang Bao and Li Dian are so kawaii desu. If they were my upper classmen in real life, I'd be like; 'I hope senpai will notice me soon' all the time to them. OMG OTL.))

See you guys again, probably with a longer post, if I'm free. o 3o

**"Ugh...strawberry...I don't want it..." Takasugi throws the packs at Izuru. "I like strawberry."**

**"Then you're gay."**

**"What? A guy liking strawberry is fine!"**

**"No, it's a girls flavor!"**

**"You're being very sexist!"**

**"Yeah, girls like strawberry."**

**"Guys like strawberry too."**

**"Yeah, if you're Zhang He or Zhou Yu."**

**"Man, you get more offensive when you're drunk... Zhang Bao, Guan Xing! Where are you?" **

**"Heeey..." Izuru goes up to them. "Eat these while making out with each other."**

**"Okaaay." Zhang bao grabs two packs and eats all of the sticks. He grabs Guan Xing to kiss him while his mouth still has the cookie crumbs and didn't even swallow it. **

**"Ugh...that's not what I meant... I assuming he's drunk." Zhuge Liang sees the chain on him and tugs it. **

**AH! **

**"Hm? What is this thing? I demand you free me!" He pulls it more. **

**Ah! Something's on my wrist! **

**"It won't come ooooooooff!" He pulls harder.**

**Actually...this is making this more enjoyable...Oh...**

**"Oh...isn't this like the Death Note thing? Where L handcuffs him self to Light?"**

**"Sima Yi's...behind there..." He sees Zhong Hui appear next to him in chains. "Let me go! Yeah, you!"**

**"Well...since he's here... Jia Chooong! Here's the real Zhong Hui!"**

**"Wait, what?! AH!" A hand grabs his leg and he gets dragged off-camera. Li Dian eats the batch of cookies he got. "Mmmmmm...Cookies..."**

**"What flavor do you like?"**

**"Cookies..."**

**"What kind?"**

**"Cookies."**

**"No-"**

**"Cookies! Any cookies!"**

**"Alright... Looks like we're done, finally-"**

**BOOOOOOM A fiery blaze blew up another side of the auditorium. Lu Xun comes out, holding the burnt Zhu Ran mannequin. "I've got my army of fellow fire users! Say hello to..." **

**Mario! (Super Mario Bros.)**

**Portgas D. Ace! (One Piece)**

**Natsu Dragneel! (Fairy Tail)**

**Genryusai Shigekumi Yannamoto! (Bleach)**

**Itachi Uchida! (Naruto)**

**Rin Okumura! (Blue Exorcist)**

**Hiei! (Yu Yu Hakusho)**

**"Hey, hey! You just grabbed random anime characters!"**

**"They are famous for fire-using, thus I make them with me."**

**"Aaaand we're out of time!"**

**"Aww, no... Come on, show what you guys can do..." Lu Xun and the rest behind him prepare and released their powers out in the auditorium. **

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**

**Try again? **

**5... 4... 3... 2... 1...**

* * *

**I just went and typed "anime fire users" and those choices came up. **

**Sima Yi's hat "sticks" do make me think he could have used them as chopsticks. Pretty stylish ones too. Also the sticks in Zhang Chunhua's hair seem to make me think that also with her.**

**I actually did find a fanart of Sima Yi in a...ugh...I'm getting nightmares...a speedo... What? You want to look for it? Fine, it's somewhere on pixiv. Let's just say I didn't want to look at Sima Yi for a while after that... **

**Jia Chong's name pronounced in the Japanese script is "Ka Ju." The joke is usually between Japanese fans, and I figured it out since a commenter explained while I found a picture of a chibi Jia Chong making orange juice in a blender. That's in pixiv, too. The joke is that Kaju means fruit if you stick it in Google Translate and I heard it was a name of a Japanese fruit juice brand, but I don't really know. **

**"Well...you're hogging all the ugly!" was a phrase said in Family guy.**

**The thing with Guan Yinping saying I love you to the Zhong Hui mannequin and Takasugi making it say, "I know" was something found in Star Wars. I know it's a meme with die-hard Star Wars fans, but I just only heard of that and just included it here. The original was Leia saying "I love you" to Han Solo and he just says "I know."**

**Extended barfing goes to Family Guy.**

**Sima Fu (Yi's younger brother.) was basically if Sima Yi were working in Shu based on what I read on him. He was a nice guy and "benevolent," quoting the thing I read. I'm just going to make Zhang chunhua be annoyed with him just for some comic relief. **

**Remember those KFC commercials that had those guys yelling out they ate the bones in promotion for KFC's boneless chicken? If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can just look it up on YouTube or something.**

**"You're drunk, you're sexy" are lines from Family Guy. It's when Stewie got drunk. **

**Tamaki Suoh from OHSHC does resemble Guo Jia. Maybe Koei modeled him after Tamaki, or Guo Jia is Tamaki's ancestor. Take your pick. **

**Aren't we getting busy today? **


	11. I'm soooooo laaaaaaazy

**Continue? **

***button being pressed noise***

Oookay! Here we go! (in insane fangirl voice! :P)

1. Okay I want these four hot guys to hang out with each other! I have my reasons! They're my faves from each kingdom :D and all four are uber cute! 3 *does insane wolf whistle*  
Sun Quan, Jiang Wei, Sima Zhao and Guo Jia!

2. Lu Xun, Zhu Ran, who would beat the other in a staring match?

3. Oh one more thing for Sun Quan and Jiang Wei...I can just imagine you two in a L'Oreal advert _ Love your hair! 3

**The group gathers and they all look at each other funny. "This makes no sense."**

**Lu Xun stares at the Zhu Ran mannequin for a long time into its blank eyes. "Nrrrgh..."**

**"..."**

**"I'm...not losing..."**

**"..."**

**"Argh! My eyes are so dry! You win, but I'll get you next time!"**

**"..."**

**"Aw, you're so humble! Stop it!" Lu Xun hits the mannequin and it falls down. **

**Takasugi says out, "****For the last one, you can do some editing on Sun Quan and Jiang Wei. Hey, untie your hair." The two do as they say and the screen turns sparkly. **

**Want fuller, radiant hair? **

**Use Total Repair 5 or what ever crap they came up with. Jiang Wei and Sun Quan have their hair slowly on the screen. **

**"Yeah, yeah. Next!"**

I'm going to make the most stupid,emberas and disgusting you have ever seen.  
1)For any random person:DO A BARREL ROLL while singing.  
2)Watch corpse party torture soul except those who does not want to see some blood,gore,swoer or all of them,and CHILD is proibithen.  
3)For Dong huo and a jin who wanted all of his team dead:Lick your own armpit and rape a aircraft in mid-air(Oh yeah)  
4)Sing a bleach OP song and a Naruto Shippuden OP song.  
5)Every one make a scene of It over 9000,Spartan kick and the Lazer scene.  
6)Watch a lemon fan-fict of corpse party while driking lemonade.  
7)All the girl,annoy Dong Zhuo and he can't do anything.  
8)For everyone,play a total war series.

**"Xu Chu, do a barrel roll!" Takasugi stands right next to him. "Do a barrel roll! Do a barrel roll!"**

**"Hm?"**

**"Do a barrel roll! Do a barrel roll!"**

**"He's not going to understand the reference..."**

**"Do a barrel roll! Do a barrel roll!"**

**"..."**

**"Okay." Xu Chu does barrel rolls on the ground, but I guess they are no longer barrel rolls, just normal rolls. **

**"Eh, it works. Corpse Party? What's that, a new teen drug or a another slang? Let me Google that." He gets out his laptop. "...It's a horror game...? Well, I've never played a game like this. Fine, let me look up a video and show it to everyone." He holds out his laptop a bit and everyone covers their eyes in readiness. **

**"Hey, this is just the opening."**

**"No, we don't want to see your arts."**

**"This isn't those fanarts! It's a video!" They all remove their hands. "...That's not scary... You said it it was horror."**

**"Yeah... this isn't that scary... what am I watching? It's like an RPG, except mixed with Slenderman or Amnesia. Guy dies... eh... This is boring." He shuts the laptop. "Dong Zhou and Zhong Hui lick your pits... ew... How do you rape an aircraft...? Unless you're talking about the planes from Disney's Planes, you can't stick your thingy into an aircraft's non-existent thing..."**

**"...Well... we can just make Hui here to lick his pits and...Dong Zhou's not here. To be honest, we make sure he NEVER gets the memo for these things..."**

**"I am not licking there for your amusement!"**

**"We'll make you lick Dong Zhou."**

**"Ugh... F-Fine..." Zhong Hui sticks his tongue out to go and lick his armpit. He then barfs after he finished. "BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"**

**"You're cleaning that up. Next, something Bleach and Naruto. Alright, Bleach opening 13 and Naruto Shippuden opening 1 seem fine. I just hope we don't get sued. Let me just switch Lu Xun's voice to the Japanese..."**

**Bleach opening 13 Melody of the Wild Dance **

Quietly, quietly,

Cut the curtains down

Blue flames are born

On the dawn awakening

We walked and hugged

Embracing a weakness that knows of no defeat

Let's carve an era

With new fangs

Quietly, quietly,

Cut the curtains down

Blue flames are born

On the dawn of awakening

Until that day when I met you,

the one I want to protect,

I'd rather take down my enemies immediately

Than go for a long fight

So loved, so loved

That I don't need anything else

I watched everything from here

I'll finish it all and lead you there

Just don't let go

This melody of the wild dance

It will never stop echoing

**"Eh, it sounds similar. Next, Guan Xing can sing this. I'll switch his voice to Japanese too."**

**Naruto Shippuden opening 1 Hero's Come Back!**

Tooku de kikoeru koe wo hitori  
Hitori mata hitori de chi agaru toushi  
Kurikaesu dake no fudan doori  
Kutsu ga iku junbi ii ze, ARE YOU READY?

Karadajuu furuwazu shinzou ni  
Hageshiku chinarase yo STOMPING  
Taeru tsuki wo ukasu CALL ME  
Kawarisugiru ga nuki ka STORY

COME ON! EVERYBODY STAND UP!  
Agero kyou ichiban no jikan da  
Me ni mo tomoran no SUPIIDO HANTA  
Dare mo nobinattori ko kanba YEAH

COME ON! EVERYBODY HANDS UP!  
Mata ashita no HERO'S wa COMEBACK  
Tsuujou kazoe hibi wo COUNTDOWN  
Iku ze, 3-2-1 MAKE SOME NOISE!

HEY yo mou basho nori tsuku wa kakugo desho  
Nankai korondatte tatsu GET OT ON  
Nade aida naze kami hito e no seisho  
Irikunda kanjou kizuki ageta desho

Mochiagaru kansei ga yuuki to naru  
Tashiagareba ima kurushimi tomonau  
Sore demo saikou wa kitto aru  
Subete sarau to shouri no kansei

EVERYBODY STAND UP!  
Agero kyou ichiban no jikan da  
Me ni mo tomoran no SUPIIDO HANTA  
Dare mo nobinattori ko kanba YEAH

COME ON! EVERYBODY HANDS UP!  
Mata ashita no HERO'S wa COMEBACK  
Tsuujou kazoe hibi wo COUNTDOWN  
Iku ze, 3-2-1 MAKE SOME NOISE!

**"それが良かった?," Lu Xun asked.**

**"Whoops, let me switch him back." Takasugi pushes a few buttons on his phone. "What was that?"**

**"Was it good?"**

**"Yeah."**

**"You can switch what language they're speaking?," asked Izuru. **

**"Yes, we can make them speak any language thanks to a translator we installed into each character. If we switch it off, they'll speak Mandarin. Look." He presses a button, and goes up to slap Zhuge Liang in the face. "Ah! Nǐ wèishéme yào zhème zuò?!" (Why did you do that?!)**

**"See? Luckily, we included subtitles. Look, I can do another thing." Takasugi goes up to flip the bird to Cao Pi. "Rúhé cūsú..." (How vulgar...)**

**"Oh, you guys know what this means."**

**"Nà zītài kěyǐ zhuīsù dào xīlà rén." (That gesture dates back to the Greeks.)**

**"Huh, you learn new things everyday." **

**"I don't understand... how are they able to understand us if they only spoke Mandarin?"**

**"Don't make this into a big plot hole the author has to explain."**

**"Fine." Takasugi presses another button and slaps Sima Yi. "Ah! Usted insolente tonto!" (You insolent fool!)**

**"Hahaha! He sounds so funny in Spanish!" **

**"Que?" (What?) **

**"Kahahahahahahaha! Oh...my...god...hahahaha! You sound so funny!"**

**"Deja de reírte de mí..." (Stop laughing at me...)**

**"Let's see French..." He presses a button. **

**"Qu'avez-vous fait?" (What did you do?)**

**"You sound so elegant. How about German?" He presses a button again.**

**"Ich verstehe nicht, was Sie hier zu tun versuchen werden." (I don't understand what you are doing here.)**

**"Okay, okay... I'll switch you back to your original language." **

**"Tíngzhǐ gēn wǒ wán xiàng yīgè wánjù..." (Stop playing with me like some toy...)**

**"Stop playing with Sima Yi like if he were a Buzz Lightyear toy back in Toy Story 3!"**

**"Oh, come on, they all sound funny in different languages. Ok, I'll switch you guys back to English. What's next?" **

**"Make a Over 9000 meme, a Spartan kick meme, and a Lazer meme."**

**"Xiahou Dun, you know the drill."**

**"Huu..." Xiahou Dun readies himself and gets Takasugi's sunglasses. "Hey! No!"**

**"IT'S OVER 9000!" Xiahou Dun breaks the sunglasses while yelling that out. **

**"AH! My sunglasses! Don't look at me!" He covers his face with his arm. **

**"Spartan kick... we already did that last chapter. Zhuge Liang, do your laser fan thing."**

**"Huh..." Zhuge Liang holds up his fan. "I'm firin' ma lazer..." A giant beam is blasted through the auditorium. Takasugi sips the lemonade in a corner, not showing his face.**

** "You know, we saw your face back when you had to inspect the kingdoms' rooms."**

**"No, you didn't." **

**"Um, I'm pretty sure you did."**

**"Nope."**

**"...No... not reading a lemon fic..."**

**"Here." Takasugi, without looking behind, throws a set of papers at Izuru. **

**"...Ugh...Fine..." Izuru looks in the papers for a bit before throwing it behind his shoulder quickly. "...What are you people reading these days...? And the ladies can annoy Dong Zhou because we made sure he's not here. Sorry for the bias, but no... no one wants him here... And... I'm just feeling lazy... so I don't want to do the video game stuff..." Takasugi has his back towards the screen holding a laptop. "...These girls are too young for me..."**

**"Seriously, what are you people watching these days?!"**

Oh, I am so sorry for what I've done! Maybe I should tell them to lay off the drug- Moving on!

1. Since I thought you'll all gonna get fat soon, I dare Yue Ying, Zhang He, the Qiao sisters, Sima Yi and Diao Chan to make up a training/dance session for their associated kingdoms. What? I always care about your health.

2. Make them watch/read Creepypasta! What are their reactions?

3. By the way, my sister requested a divorce. She said that she thinks that you're all boring her. Now give your crushes/wives an apology kiss and tell all of the stories between you six and your not-wife!

4. About the Hetalia thing... Can they act out as the main characters of Hetalia and maybe... Have a play? Because I love Hetalia...

5. Hi crossdressing guys! I think that's the 2nd most thing I regretted... So, *shows a cat, bunny and horse', here are my animal friends! All you need to do is to take care of them until the next chapter so you all won't be depressed about dressing as ladies! Don't give chocolate to my cat, don't ignore my pink bunny and DON'T kick and punch my horse because it's so so fragile.

So, *hands over toys*. They're so cute and moe...

6. Do you know what's the true meaning of being a hero? I don't want 'Benevolence', 'Justice', 'Honor', 'Virtue', 'Chaos', 'Duty', 'Destiny', 'Heavens' or ANY one liner as an answer. What is a hero?

Ugh... I'm still guilty about the party thing... What if the military did something wrong? Oh well, *hugs everyone* Wait..

7. Well if it isn't Zhong Hui... I am SO disappointed of what you did to other characters in 'Forcing ancient people to live 2000 years into the future? Oh my!'. And you're lucky I 40% like you, because I'm letting everyone getting revenge on him in any other way. I don't care what you're all gotta do with him.

But don't kill him! What if we'll get chased my fangirls. But forgive me everyone! I'm doing this out of entertainment! I love *some of* you all in canon!

**"Something doesn't seem right in that list... Sima Yi...? Dancing-" ****Sima yi hops into the portal once Izuru says the words. **

**"Hey! Get back here!" Izuru sticks half of his body into the portal to grab his foot, but he breaks free and Izuru grabs at something else. He gets out to be holding Sima Yi's hat. "...Oh well..." Zhang He dances around with the other people mentioned dancing along with him. "1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3!"**

**"Next is some Creepypasta. I've never read any of that stuff..." Takasugi walks up to Izuru holding a laptop and he was wearing a Darth Vader helmet.**

**"Here, read some of these." Izuru looks through the screen with a bored expression. "These are not even scary."**

**"You know what's scary? Dong Zhou naked."**

**"Uuurrgh..."**

**"What about this?" Takasugi pushes another button. **

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY EYES!"**

**"See? Sima Yi and speedos DO NOT mix."**

**"Nrrgh..." Takasugi shows the Creepypasta stuff to a handful of characters. **

**Reactions:**

**Cao Cao: Meh. I've seen better.**

**Zhang Liao: This is child's play. Not even frightening.**

**Gan Ning: Hahaha! What's this? Did some kid write this?**

**Sun Quan: Mmm...not that scary...**

**Sun Ce: You know what's more scary? Seeing those phantoms...nrrrgh...**

**Zhuge Liang: *slightly shaking* It's not scary...**

**Pang Tong: Zhuge Liang in the shower is more scary than this...**

**Liu Bei: *girly scream* AAAAAAAH! That guy just disappeared! It's got to be something! **

**Sima Shi: Meh. I had to see Cao Shuang's guts when I killed him in DW7 and my own blood when I got shot in the eye.**

**Guo Huai: Not even enough to give me a heart attack...**

**"There you have it. Next, guess what guys! You six are now divorced!"**

**"YES!" Cao Pi runs over to Zhen Ji. "Don't worry, I used protection."**

**"...Eeeh... maybe wash up just to make sure..." Takasugi gives Sima Shi a military uniform. "Wear this."**

**"Why?"**

**"We have to do a skit." **

**Few minutes later, Sima Shi was in England's uniform and looked at himself. "...What are these clothes?" Takasugi from above the stage lets down a meatbun on a string near Sima Shi and makes it talk.**

"Hi there!"

**"Huuu... Flying meat bunny! Did you come here to cheer me up, huh?" Takasugi makes the meatbun "fly" around Sima Shi. **

"I wanted to see you, Britian! So I flew right over!"

**"Can I stop now?" Sima Shi takes the meatbun and walks off. **

**"Aw..."**

**The cat, horse, and bunny get on the stage. Ma Chao looks at the horse in amazement. "So...beautiful... I'll take care of this." The cat jumps onto Izuru's shoulder. Guan Yinping picks up the bunny, "Aww! It's so adorable!" She runs to an area to play with it. Izuru looks at the cat on his shoulder. "Should I name it?" The cat coughs a hairball at Takasugi when he gets down. "AH! UGH! Cat spit! Name it Hair spitter!"**

**"Now that's an awful name." Cao cao suggested, "What about Shit-thrower?"**

**"What?!" Sun Ce says, "How about Runny Potty mouth?"**

**"That's awful!" Wei Yan says out, "Isaac...Schneider...Dog...fish..."**

**"What?!" Sun Quan suggested, "1/3 true hate and 2/3 of Hangnail anxiety."**

**"That's not even a name!" Sima Shi says out, "I've got it! Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear!" **

**"WHAT?!" Takasugi then has a light bulb appear above his head. "Ah! Got it! I name this cat... Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth."**

**"That's a long ass name!"**

**"********Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth****" is not that long."**

**"Yes, it is!" **

**"************Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth is hungry, I bet."**

**************"You're saying that whole name?!"**

**"Yes, ************Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth deserves to be called its name." ****  
**

**"I'm... you take care of the cat..."**

**"Fine. Come, ****************Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth.**

**"...So... guys... What makes a a hero?" Cao Cao says out, "A hero is someone who will be able to serve anyone with loyalty." Liu Bei says out,"Someone who puts the people ahead of themselves." Sun Quan says, "Someone who cherishes all around him."**

**"Wow, such strong ideals. Lastly, Zhong Hui has to atone for his sins back in that long-ass title story." Izuru hangs him like a pinata in the middle of the stage and walks off. "Take your time." **

**"Wait! AH!" Izuru sits off, ignoring what was behind him. "So, why are you still wearing that Darth Vader helmet?" Takasugi stands next to him with the cat. "Until I get new sunglasses, this stays on. Those ones I was wearing cost a fortune!"**

**"Why don't you want the audience seeing your eyes?"**

**"Because I don't want them to."**

**"Why?"**

**"None of your beeswax." He ducks as a chair flies over him. "They're tearing him apart there."**

**"Just wait until the next set of reviews come in."**

* * *

**I was feeling too lazy to do this chapter, thus this seems incomplete.**

**That long name thing goes to Gintama. **


	12. Writing is hard, Thinking is hard

Hope you guys aren't feeling so lazy anymore, I have quite a few dares for the DW people today ;)

1. All the DW women/girls: Make a trailer advertising DW 8. (every female in the series must be seen at least once!)  
2. Zhurong and Zhenji, Xing Cai and Sun Shang Xiang, Wang Yi and Guan Yinping: Get into a brawl (or a catfight) with your assigned partner (ex. Zhurong v.s. Zhenji). The losers have to crossdress!  
3. Zhang Fei: chug 10 bottles of wine!  
4. Zhuge Liang: Pluck the feathers off your fan.**  
**

**Takasugi yawns from inside his Darth Vader helmet. "...I am feeling sleepy..."**

**"Can you breathe in that?"**

**"Not really..."**

**"Can you just wear fake sunglasses if you're being such a big baby over this?"**

**"I want to wear expensive stuff!"**

**"People are starving in other countries and you're complaining about a pair of glasses."**

**"What are you doing that is helping those people?"**

**"Touche..."**

**"Well... we have to advertise DW8 with the ladies, so here it is."**

**Koei-****Tecmo ****Productions**

**Omega Force **

**Coming soon (It's already out.) is a game that will make you re-relive your childhood **

**By...**

**Flashy specials!**

**(Diao Chan doing one of her musous.)**

**Pressing square until it breaks on your controller!**

**(Zhu Rong hitting random soldiers.)**

**Anachronistic clothes!**

**(Zhen Ji appearing.)**

**Anachronistic weapons! **

**(Bao Sanniang attacking random soldiers.)**

**Everyone is anti-age!**

**(Zhang Chunhua appearing.)**

**You have four kingdom stories to play over and over again and you have the Other "kingdom" that has only one stage for each character. **

**With an all new mode that they let Cao Cao name called "Ambition mode" that offers you playing many tedious battles to get items you should have got from the merchant. But you get over ten hours of gameplay, isn't that nice?**

**Starring...**

**Gingers do have souls! (Yue Ying)**

**Rukia (Xing Cai)**

**Halle Berry's Catwoman (Bao Sanniang)**

**Orihime (Guan Yinping)**

**Mean Girls (Zhen Ji)**

**Joan of Arc (Cai Wenji)**

**Overly-attached girlfriend (Wang Yi)**

**May from Pokemon (Sun Shang Xiang)**

**Loli 1 (Da Qiao)**

**Loli 2 (Xiao Qiao)**

**Beeeewbs (Lian Shi)**

**Merchandising (Wang Yuanji)**

**That Korean woman on the train in the Gangnam Style MV (Zhang Chunhua)**

**Fanservice (Diao Chan)**

**Could be a man (Zhu Rong)**

**Dynasty Warriors 8**

**"Whoa, whoa! What the hell was that?!"**

**"Whoops... got the wrong one..."**

**"You got the honest trailer!"**

**"Sorry, this was all I got. Okay, the ladies have to catfight...so here it is."**

***Retro video game music***

**Zhu Rong and Zhen Ji stand on either side of a 2D platform. **

**Round 1**

**Fight! **

**Zhu Rong punches Zhen Ji and pulls her in a 5-hit combo, then to throw her to the other side of the screen. Zhen Ji roundhouse kicks her and brings her in a 7-hit combo of her rapidly kicking her. This sends her far off the screen. Zhu Rong throws a boomerang at Zhen Ji and then again. Zhen Ji takes out her flute to play notes that go to Zhu Rong and hit her. Zhu Rong jumps up to throw a large fireball at Zhen Ji, knocking her health to zero. The video game announcer says, "****Zhu Rong wins!" Zhu Rong huffs and turns as the victory action. **

**The screen turns to Xing Cai and Sun Shang Xiang standing on either side of the platform. **

**Round 1**

**Fight!**

**The two throw punches at each other until Xing Cai throws a sword at her, knocking her to the ground. She gets up quickly to throw two chakrams at Xing Cai, pushing her inches to the other side. She pulls out her shield to run into Sun Shang Xiang off to the side of the screen. Sun Shang Xiang cancels the attack with a few kicks and throws of more chakrams. She performs a special move that had her jumping onto Xing Cai's head and kciking it multiple times, knocking her health down to zero. **

**"Finish her!"**

**Sun Shang Xiang just taps her until she falls to the ground. **

**"Sun Shang Xiang wins!" Sun Shang Xiang jumps up and down for her victory action.**

**The screen returns to normal. **

**"What was that?"**

**"A couple of Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat references. How did the last two do?" Guan Yinping stands next to knocked out Wang Yi. "No... I can't...lose..."**

**"I just punched her and she flew off the ground to land like this!"**

**"I might have put the Milk Bones cheat on for Yinping..."**

**"That's for Saints Row!"**

**"Oh well, you three have to wear guy's clothing." The three shrugged. "Okay." After a few minutes, Zhen Ji walks out in Cao Pi's clothing, Wang Yi in Guo Jia's clothing, and Xing Cai in Guan Ping's clothing.**

**"Next, Zhang Fei has to chug ten wine bottles-"**

**"I'm on it!" Zhang Fei grabs ten wine bottles and pours them into his mouth. "Glllllraaggh! Ah! Hic!" He wobbles for a bit and falls off the stage.**

**"Alright, next Zhuge Liang has to pluck off those feathers."**

**"I do not want to do it."**

**"You have to."**

**"No."**

**"I'll come over there and do it for you." Zhuge Liang looks at his fan and sighs. He plucks off a feather. "...Mm..." He plunks another feather. "Mm...mh..." He begins to pluck more. "...Mm...I'm so sorry!" **

**"It's a fan, why are you saying sorry of?"**

**"I killed a bird for this!"**

**"Um...no... The legend is that you just went and pulled off the feathers off the bird, you didn't kill it. That's just a fan we can give five of to you."**

** "But...it's my good luck fan!"**

**"Good luck fan...? That makes no sense. If that exists, Sima Yi would have one, but he has a whip now."**

**"There... all of them are gone..." Zhuge Liang holds up the handle.**

**"We made Zhuge Liang go through this, you happy now, person who suggested this? Here's the next one." **

Okay...sorry for your glasse...MOVING ON!  
1.-Me Teleported out of nowhere and give takasuki a video of corpse party anime about a girl touching another girl on her boobs-It to make you drool.  
Zhong hui a pie *give Zhong hui a bomb flavor pie*  
people that are perp,watch a yuri video.  
everyone about Dong Zhuo's most emberas moment.  
Gotta go Fast and LIKE A BOSS

And that all.

**"With this helmet, I can't see it well..."**

**"Then remove it."**

**"No." Zhong Hui gets the pie, "What's th-BOOOOOM!" The bomb explodes in his face, turning his face black. Takasugi has his laptop along with Cao Cao, Guo Jia, Sun Ce, Pang Tong, and some other men watching, drooling. "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! WHOA! ****This is hot!" Sima Zhao innocently walks to there to look, but gets pulled away by Wang Yuanji. Cao Pi and Sun Quan hid behind the other men and saw the laptop's screen. Zhou Yu had binoculars and was up on the walkway above the stage looking at the screen. Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi were holding binoculars behind the curtain to their eyes to see what was on the laptop. **

**"Move it."**

**"You."**

**"I called this spot."**

**"I came here first."**

**"I certainly don't want some random man right next to me while I'm doing this."**

**"Then move."**

**"You move." They both turned the knobs on their binoculars and some blood flowed out of their noses. Back out on the stage, "Yeah! How long is this going though?"**

**"Do you want this end?"**

**"No. Whoa! You don't see women here do that!"**

**(I wish Zhen would do that...)**

**(I wish Lian Shi would do that... No! What am I thinking?!)**

**"ZZZzzzz..."**

**"So, you guys, what was Dong Zhou's most embarrassing moment?"**

**"His very existence."**

**"Well... fine... Now just to look at this...-Hey!" The laptop gets pulled away from them by Zhang Chunhua.**

**"This is vulgar, you men enjoy watching this?"**

**"Hey, we all have needs."**

**"What about the ones where the men are doing the same thing?"**

**"...I don't want to watch that... That's for women to enjoy..."**

**"Women can't watch women having sex?"**

**"When you say it that way, it sounds sexist."**

**"It is sexist."**

**"I'm sure Sima Yi would love for you to get it on with Wang Yi or Zhen Ji-GAH!" She bashes the computer onto Takasugi's head. "Haha! I have a helmet! And that thought gives me an idea..." He sits there, thinking about the suggestion he just made. "...Mm-hm... That would be hot... How you and Lian Shi...?" The men around him were also thinking about it. Takasugi points to the screen. "You, go stand in the hallway." **


	13. Ending with a dose of laziness

**Takasugi walks onto the stage in a white suit (And his Darth Vader helmet) and talks in a (not) sad voice. "I'm so sorry.. but this will be the last episode of this little column we had... After all that hell you put me and the characters through... I'm just so sad!" Izuru points out, "You're not sad, you're faking."**

**"How could you say that?! He's lying, folks! Of course I'm- Oh forget it, I am. Now onto these last reviews." He throws out a few papers. "Spam..."**

I see that Zhong Hui has been busy since I left. :U Been having a lot of school earlier this week, with tests...Oh, right. You two. *throws the key to the handcuffs attached to Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi. If it's still there. But misses, and Ma Dai almost swallows it* You guys have fun retrieving that key with one hand each. c:

Uh. Um. I'm actually out of ideas at the moment. Uh...

How about...*thinks for a while* OH. OOOOH.

Somebody! Uh. UH! Somebody who can get embarrassed easily. Uh. Gomen, Sima Yi. Do the dance baby Finn from Adventure Time did. I can't think of anything. Oh yeah. You have to wear the clothes (diaper iirc) that he was wearing too. Izuru record it. *throws camera at him*

And have Cao Pi cross dress as Bayonetta. Gomen, my mind is in the gutter lately, so I haven't been able to think of something good to do. Uuuuh. Guo Jia...*tosses him some chocolate*

By the way, Ma Chao, I hope you're prepared to suffer injury again...You and Wang Yi are dared to perform the Salsa in front of everyone. In proper attire. But she CANNOT hurt you during the dance. I don't guarantee your safety afterwards. c:

Right, one member from each faction has to make Crème brûlée in a cooking contest. Izuru is the judge for this, since Takasugi will most likely be biased. *smiles* Whoever loses...has to walk on a tight rope over a tank of sharks wearing nothing but fresh, raw meat and some clothes to protect their dignity. I'm not responsible for any deaths.

*gives Li Dian another batch of cookies, as per usual, and gives a quick smooch to Zhong Hui before leaving*

I'll be back sometime! After all, since it's Spring Break now, I have plenty of time! o vo

**"NOPE." Every character began to walk into the portal.**

**"Hey, hey! Where are you going?"**

**"Since this is the last chapter, we decided to just leave in the middle of this."**

**"... But-"**

**"Uh-uh! We have contracts with you, and it says you can use us for ten chapters."**

**"But this is thirteen chapters..."**

**"The intro doesn't count and two chapters extra means you have to give us certain things."**

**"Like?"**

**"Wine for two years."**

**"NO! Do you know how much wine cost these days?!"**

**"Meatbuns for-"**

**"No, Sima Shi."**

**"Okay, how about you get a two-year supply of wine here?"**

**"That's the same thing as giving you wine for two years..."**

**"Remove that stupid helmet and let's see your face."**

**"No."**

**"Oh, come on. I know some of us have seen it, so why-"**

**"Nope. It's like getting Wei Yan to remove his mask, you just can't."**

**"Fine, two months of you cleaning my house."**

**"Sima Yi... Remember the last time you had a servant? ...Unless you want your wife to kill me for seeing you are healthy, then no."**

**"Two weeks worth of you getting us wine!"**

**"Again with the wine, I can't just go out and claim a hundred jars of wine are for a "party. How about... this?" He holds up a paper.**

Aww... Why can't I watch yuri? Well, but yaoi is really my cup of coffee...  
Ok, I feel like needing a stress healer for my long damn test.  
For the Others guys and gals, you've heard the three founders of the Three Kingdoms saying their definition of hero (somewhere in Chapter 11, if I wasn't wrong). Now I need you to choose whose definition is the best.  
Takasugi-san, here. *gives a pair of sunglasses* I don't feel easy seeing Darth Vader right now.  
Everyone in Shu except Wei Yan and Pang Tong, I want you to draw what you think Wei Yan's and Pang Tong's face look like. The two forementioned should guess each other's face.  
Zhang Fei, what's your best record in drinking? Now be a drunk and drive! Oh, then... *looks at Zhang Liao and everyone else owning police-themed job costume from Koei* You know what to do.

Alright, time to take my leave. Bye!

**"That's just another review!" **

**"I'm trying my best to get some in here. Nice, some new sunglasses!" He quickly removes the helmet and puts on the glasses. "Okay, now where-" He sees everyone has went into the portal. **

**"Hey! Come back!" He reaches a hand into the portal and grabs something. He pulls out to reveal a tiger staring right at him. He put immediately puts it back in. **

**"Aw, crap. Now what...? Ah!" **

**Few minutes later...**

**"Okay, gang! Now we can do these dares and answer these questions!" He was talking to a large group of mannequins that were dresses as DW characters. Izuru looks at the stage with a blank expression. **

**"You're nuts..."**

**"I'm improvising. Here's Wei Yan's and Pang Tong's faces!" He goes up to those mannequins and removes the masks to reveal a blank face.**

**"Wow... it's so... blank... Oh, well. Zhang Fei, drink up!" The Zhang Fei mannequin had wine bottles around it. Takasugi off-camera threw the Zhang Liao, Cao Cao, Wang Yi, and Li Dian mannequin at it.**

"Stop right there!"

"In the name of the W.P.D!"

"You're going to to jail, scum!"

"Come right out with your hands up. We'll use lethal force if we have to!"

**"Okay, please stop. This is very... er... I can't describe this."**

**"Shut it, this is intense." The camera pans to the mannequin pile and cricket noises were made.**

**"... You can stop..."**

**"But they're-"**

**"Now, now. You can stop... We have something else in mid for them."**

**"Hm?"**

**"It's going to come out later, but I think you'll like it."**

**"What?"**

**"It stars Cao Cao, Sun Jian, Liu Bei, and... um... Lu Bu!"**

**"...What is it?"**

**"You'll see later." **

**"Well, it seems our little story is done. Surprisingly, this wasn't even an advice column. It was more like... um... what was it called?" **

**"A Q&A story-"**

**"Uh-uh! I'm thinking!"**

**"...Sometimes I wonder you are lying about your IQ..."**


End file.
